COFFEE > TEA

[indiefolk]

Who: Ravinder Dhaliwal & Diego Morales
When: Monday, November 28, the morning after the Amortentia disaster.
Where: The lodge, on a balcony.
What: Ravi and Diego talk about what happened.
Warnings: Emotions.

Ravi’s head hurts. He doesn’t know whether that’s a side effect of the Amortentia, or simply the long day they’ve had. When the love potion haze had finally worn off this morning, he’d pushed aside his horror and focused on what he could do. Tidying abandoned sleeping bags, volunteering in the infirmary for Healer Mufferaw, talking with some teary-eyed freshmen who were friends with the ones who’d been suspended. Anything.

Finally, Mr. Hightower had entreated him to go back to Ribbonfin and rest, but Ravi’s been standing at an atrium window for the past half-hour, his eyes focused on nothing. He might have stood there for an hour more, except that something warm and smooth touches the back of his hand. A mug, filled with hot coffee, prepared a little too sweet. Attached to it is a strong arm and a very tired-looking Diego. He’s holding two cups of coffee, in fact.

“Come sit with me,” he urges gently. “I need some company I didn’t embarrass myself in front of, and you need to take a breather. I can tell.”

“Diego,” Ravi says, surprised. But he takes the offered drink without hesitation, and follows Diego out onto the balcony overlooking the lake. It’s chilly, but quiet. Ravi wraps his hands around the hot mug and sighs, very softly. “I didn’t take you for a coffee person.”

“You might be surprised to find I can go both ways.” Diego huffs at his own bad in-joke. “Usually I see you with tea, but after yesterday, I kind of feel like you might prefer the coffee.” A second bad joke in just as many seconds. He’s on a roll.

“I put milk and sugar in it for you,” Diego adds.

Diego’s jokes, terrible as they are, are the first time Ravi’s felt like smiling all day. But he ducks his head to hide it, and brings the mug to his lips. “Hmm. So you did,” he says after a sip. Ravi doesn’t have coffee often, but this is twice as much milk and sugar as he normally takes. Maybe even three times as much? But he’s content enough to allow the coffee warm him up.

He was invited to sit, but Ravi stays standing, leaning his elbows on the balcony wall to look down at the lake. It’s mostly ice now. Hockey will start soon. “Thank you,” he says after a moment. “I did need some fresh air.” He glances at Diego. “Do you want to talk about it? Tea versus coffee preferences, I mean.”

Diego sees the smile, even as Ravi turns his face away, and it gives him a little solace. He joins him at the railing, and stares down the sharp incline to the water below. Not even a quarter as high as Azurcrest cliff.

“Oh, I could go on and on about my warm beverage preferences. For instance, I used to take my tea with lots of honey, but I think I’m going to start cutting back,” he explains casually, even as a fresh wave of heartache wells in his chest. He’s going to be embarrassed if he gets teary-eyed over such a stupid metaphor. He sighs and grows quiet. “It’s going to be a while before I can look my best friends in the eye again.”

There’s a pause as Ravi sips his coffee, watching Diego’s face, the soft changes of his expression as he talks, passing from insouciance to… something else. More than embarrassment. Melancholy, maybe. Ravi leans over, bumping his arm against Diego’s. “It’ll be alright, Diego. Unbearably awkward now, yes, but what happened wasn’t your fault. And your friends all care about you too much to let something like this ruin the long history you have together.”

Ravi tilts his head, considering this, and then makes a face. “Which, I know, is much easier said than internalized, as I’m also out here in the cold, avoiding my best friend.”

Diego smiles, slow and sad. He wishes he could say more. “They need some space. Or… I need some space, at least. I don’t even know anymore. The Amortentia really made me wonder about how I act when I love someone.” He lifts one hand in anticipation to shush Ravi. “I know, it’s an exaggeration, not a real reflection of how I am or think. But maybe it’s why I was never really a good match for Tabitha. Other fuckups aside.”

Another pause, this time at the mention of Diego’s ex and one of Ravi’s closest friends. Ravi drops his gaze. “I’m sorry. I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling, but that sounds difficult.” He’s never let himself ask about this. Not from Diego, who’s only been a casual acquaintance until lately, but of course Ravi had been dying to know. Ravi can never keep his nose out of his friends’ business.

“You and Tabitha always seemed perfect for each other. Both of you musicians and artists, both of you very serious about cheer, both of you handsome purebloods well-loved by everyone…” He laughs self-consciously. “But I suppose all those things are superficial.”

“Yeah, it sounded perfect. My family was thrilled. She was everything they wanted. Well, almost everything, but as my grandfather puts it, as long as the kids are pureblood, raised Catholic, and speak Spanish, he can forgive a lot.” Diego smiles wryly, but then thinks better of the casual jokes about his blood purist grandfather. Ravi the muggleborn would just love to hear all about him.

He resumes his explanation, unusually serious. “Tabs and I are both pretty insecure. I think we only ever made one another feel worse. I was desperate to become whatever I thought she wanted, but it just ended up making me miserable. I should have broken it off, but instead…” Diego trails off, and sips his cooling coffee. “It wasn’t her fault.”

The words stick in Ravi’s throat. I’m sorry. He shouldn’t be expressing sympathy for the boy who cheated on his dear friend and broke her heart. It’s not sufficient justification for how Diego treated Tabitha and Anuhea last year, but he can’t bring himself to condemn Diego either. Ravi had been… upset when it had happened, as Ravi is always upset when someone hurts one of his friends. He hadn’t given much thought until now to what Diego had been going through.

He shouldn’t, but Ravi leans in more, until their shoulders are touching. The point of contact is comfortingly warm. “I hope you can figure things out, Diego. You deserve to be happy with yourself. And… if you need someone to talk to, I do accept payment in sugary coffee.”

Diego shoots a weak grin back at Ravi. “You’re not getting the best deal out of this. Turns out, they give you the coffee free with tuition.”

Ravi smiles, unperturbed at being swindled. “Yes, but how many people can say that Diego Morales will bring that free coffee to them, after painstakingly pouring the perfect amount of milk and sugar? I won’t ask. I don’t want to make other people jealous.” Ravi winks at him.

That coerces a laugh out of Diego, who suddenly can’t look at Ravi. “Uh, pretty sure most of them would tell you ‘take him and his terrible coffee preparation, he’s yours’.”

Ravi also laughs, and ducks his head. “Well, luckily for you, being in coffee servitude to me would be very undemanding. You’re right, I’m more of a tea person.” He pointedly takes a sip of his coffee anyway. It’s free, after all.

“Even after all that?” Diego nods his chin back at the doors that would lead them inside. He’s in no hurry to return. He’d rather steal one of those sleeping bags and make a new home out on the balcony in the snow than make his way back to Azurcrest. Cecil and Levi were probably long gone by now, reaffirming how very not in their way Diego was.

“I have no idea what happened with you,” Diego admits guiltily. “Sorry. I was out of it. You seem shaken up, though.”

“Oh…” Ravi winces a little. He’d managed to forget, just for a few seconds, what had happened. “It’s… nothing. I feel silly complaining about it. After all, instead of kissing a stranger or sobbing for hours over rejection, I spent the day with my best friend—or did, until the teachers had to separate us.” He’s trying to sound unconcerned, even humorous, but it’s still mortifying.

Diego winces too. “I’m sorry. Have you gotten a chance to talk—wait, no you said earlier you were avoiding her. Sorry.” He regrets asking, and sighs with a long plume of steam. “So. I guess we’re out here with an acquaintance because yesterday we crossed a couple dozen lines with our best friends and who knows where we stand now.”

“Succinctly put, and strangely not comforting to have it laid out so baldly.” Ravi sighs. “I thought I knew where we stood. I’m sure if I go see Sun-mi right now, she’ll try to tease me about it, and this will become something we can look back on and laugh. It’s only…” He doesn’t know to phrase what he’s thinking. This whole thing is so horribly embarrassing. “I had… an unflattering realization about myself, I suppose.”

Diego shrugs apologetically as Ravi agrees with his assessment. If he were less tired and humiliated, he might feel worse for being so blunt. It usually isn’t his style, but he feels raw.

“I can’t imagine you doing anything that bad with someone you loved,” Diego murmurs. “Fake loved. Whatever.”

“Ah well… I do try. Perhaps I try so hard, I’ve never dated anyone.” Ravi’s smile is wry. He doesn’t let himself say how would anyone know how I’d really act when I’m in love, but apparently he can’t entirely quell his self-deprecation. “I must confess, this whole experience has not made me reconsider my stance on romance.”

I must confess. Diego almost smiles at that odd phrasing, but he knows the moment is wrong for teasing Ravi about his speech pattern. “So what is your stance on romance? I know, you say you don’t date, but I’m not really sure why. Are you too busy, or is no one around here your type? They’re too immature?”

“Oh… no. Hardly.” Ravi laughs, embarrassed by that assessment. “I might behave like a particularly unexciting eighty-year-old man, but I’m not any more mature than the rest of you. I just… have different priorities, I suppose. Becoming a Healer has always the most important thing, and dating seemed to take too much time away from that.”

The words sound almost rote. Ravi’s been saying some version of the same excuse since he was fourteen, the first time Ricardo Ramirez asked him why he wasn’t taking anyone to the dance.

“It’s hard being alone, though,” Diego points out mildly. “Burdens are a little lighter with a partner.” Diego had told Cecil that he thought dating would make things easier on him. He’s have someone to lean on, someone to make him happier. Having his other half would give him something to look forward to after Head Boy duties had drained him. Diego had been right.

“I mean, for me, anyway,” Diego amends, barely more than a murmur. “Maybe your way’s the better way.”

Ravi shakes his head. “Everyone’s different. What’s better for one person might not work for someone else. I have my friends, and that’s… all I need right now. Or it will be, once I stop being ridiculous and actually go talk to Sun-mi.” He falls silent for a moment, and finds a smile to send at Diego. “I know it’s hardly a substitute for a girl, but… when you’re weighed down by burdens, I can be your friend too, Diego.”

A strange expression crosses Diego’s face when Ravi mentions girls, but he manages something that passes for a smile to give back to Ravi. He even means it. “I’ll remember you said that,” he teases like it’s a threat. “Same goes for you. If you ever have any problems, I mean. Which you must. Everyone does.”

“Ah, well. Fortunately, my problems are very easily solved by coffee, and you’ve been amply useful there already.” Ravi lifts his mug as though initiating a drinking toast, but his silly grin softens into a more genuinely grateful smile. “Thank you. For this, and… everything else.”

Diego clinks his mug against Ravi and makes a practiced show of downing the remaining contents in his mug. After that, he takes a deep breath of cold air. He can’t believe any of this is real. The whole last year feels fake, like he’ll wake up any second, but after talking to Ravi he feels a little more grounded.

“It helped me as much as it helped you.” He pauses. “You’re welcome, though.”

Ravi laughs once it becomes obvious what Diego is doing, and follows suit, finishing all his coffee seconds after. “Cheers. Now, what do you say we head back inside? Because that coffee had just gotten ice cold, and I’m starting to feel the weather now.” He steps away from the railing, and looks over his shoulder at Diego.

“Yeah,” Diego agrees slowly, and steps back from the balcony to reluctantly follow Ravi inside. They have to face everyone else eventually, after all.