gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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I'm just glad it wasn't my ghost story that came to life. I'm not actually sure if there's a way to win against Raw Head, but I've seen enough Friday the 13th movies to know how to handle Jason Voorhees. Muggle-raised kids, it's our time to shine.

[Casper & Cricket]

That was ridiculous last night. I'm too damn happy to hand this over to the staff; who feels like dealing with the hulking, knife-wielding Killer of Lake Gooseberry when you've got Herbology in the morning?

[Cricket & Maggie]

So much for sleep, right? And here I thought I could get to sleep before midnight once this week. I guess while all the prefects were busy worrying about governing rule-breaking, someone was just figuring out a way to have more fun breaking the real damn rules.

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Are you serious? After what he put Vee and Clementine through you don't want to find this asshole yourself? We don't have to stop looking just because the teachers are involved.

People, please don't try to stab or decapitate anyone, even if they are wearing a Jason Voorhees mask. Friday the 13th is a movie.

...Sorry, I know you're making a joke. I'm just... tense. I saw Mr. Covington and Ms. Lilywhite out there this morning doing a sweep of the docks and nearby forest, so hopefully this is the last we ever have to see of this unfunny joke.

[Nate]
Are all of you in Ebonhide alright? I know you were one of the first to run out there.

Yeah I'm serious, the staff is way more qualified to handle this, whether it's someone dangerous or someone making a joke. We can still sniff around if we think there's something the teachers aren't gonna catch (like in the journals or the Grotto or something), but I'm not butting into something Ms. Lilywhite's already on.

[...]

Fine. You do what you want, Bird.

Now that I think about it, pretty sure that never worked for long on Jason anyways, so maybe I don't actually know how to handle him.

I'll be officially too glad when I'm the only one making unfunny jokes around here.

[Ravi]
Everyone seems fine. Clem and Vee were shaken up, but no one got hurt, and we didn't see much of anything down by the docks by the time we got there. ~~Casper's the one I think frea~~ Not that I think the three of us really knew what to look for.

Don't get yourself hurt.

I won't.

We could take that asshole.

Wait, what happened??

Better than the campers at Camp Crystal Lake?

Oh hell yes.

Someone just thought it would be fun to scare their friends down by the lake, nothing to get too worried about.

I don't know if Ms. Lilywhite's gonna be too keen on us butting in on her official investigation.

My time has finally come.

This is your moment, don't let us down.

Well, what do you suggest, Casper? I'm all for finding the culprit, but I doubt they're still stalking around in a hockey mask.

I'm so tired. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Because these are the best years of our lives and we're taking advantage of it?

Wait, no, I forgot who we were for a second. Because someone else is taking advantage of their best years and we can't stand for that?

Pretty sure he wants to play Big Hero and knock a few heads together. I don't know if he realizes we're teenagers and have an actual retired Auror on staff.

No fun on my watch! I guess that's what everyone thinks about Ebonhide anyway. I just don't see what is fun about scaring a couple of innocent girls like that.

Maybe he is trying to put 'Captured the Lake Gooseberry Killer' on his resume.

No fun, but also no casualties. Somehow no one appreciates our safety lectures and emergency exits.

It's all macho nonsense. "I'm not scared of anything, I'll PROVE it by scaring other people!" Which makes me about 70% sure the man behind the mask is from Coppertale (+ 28% sure it's Azurcrest and 2% sure it's an actual serial killer).

Too bad no one outside this school has ever even heard that story. Doesn't sound as impressive when you have to explain the context. It'll also sound less impressive when it turns out it's just some asshole in a mask.

I don't know what I can do to liven our safety lectures up! More jazz hands?!? I'll get carpal tunnel!

2 whole percent? There is no way. We're unplottable and no one at this school is a serial killer. I mean, from time to time I have considered killing a few of our more persistently annoying peers, but I would never follow through with it.

How many house points can we dock for being an asshole in a mask??

I think we've all had our fill of student heroism, anyway. Although I'm sure the girls in Ebonhide are now lining up to ask you to the Halloween dance.

The only one? I bet me, Rafael or Cecil could give you a fight for unfunniest jokes. Oh, and Jesse. I keep forgetting he's one of us now.

[Nate]
I'm glad everyone's fine. And also, I have to admit, glad that you didn't find anyone down there. I know it's just a story, but last night could've gone much worse than it did.

But you can't kill Jason Voorhees. It's totally a plot point! He just comes right back for the next movie.

He was in space.

He was killed! In the fourth one. He just got brought back when not-Corey Feldman got hit by lightning while digging him up in order to make sure he was really dead or something.

Then they blew him up in the ninth one and ignored that when they took him to space, so in at least one timeline, Jason has been neutralized.

But seriously you guys don't blow up the Killer of Lake Gooseberry, you will actually go to jail.

Yeah, but being temporarily killed count as officially being killed? It's more like a really extended nap. Without breathing. Or, in the blowing-up case, without having a body.

For a bit.

Yeah, no. Blowing up people is bad, though. Definitely against school policy.

Ha, I ran down to an empty dock with two other people at my side, is that what passes for heroism?

Oh, I'll be the unfunniest of us all. Look at me. Look at how unfunny I'm being. I'm definitely going to win this.

[Ravi]
I'm glad I didn't find anyone either. I said I'd go, then about three seconds later realized I was way too tired to put up a proper fight. But at least now I don't need to volunteer next time there's danger and I can still look like a badass.

He was dead, he just got resurrected. I think Corey Feldman is necessary for keeping him dead, is all. Maybe we can hire him to do security for the school.

He might need a job! So, really, we'd be helping him out too.

You know what this means? It means we are officially Good People.

Man, my parents are gonna be so proud. I can't wait to write home about this.

I think the real question is, can we take a house into the negatives?

That creepy guy was in a movie?! Why did he do it on Monday the 10th then?

Thanks for going out to look, though.

We can!!! Otherwise Azurecrest would just run amok once they hit rock bottom.

I don't know. Check the scene again, consider the possibilities, do additional patrols. Anything is better than doing nothing. The teachers don't have any more to go on than we do, but they're still going to try. Why should we sit on our asses and wait?

That's NOT funny!

We could help. We could be so helpful.

I didn't say it was funny, just not something to panic about.

I would love to read this letter before you send it.

Oh, I know, I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought you thought it was funny! I'm sorry! But whoever it is shouldn't think it's funny!

Dear Mom & Dad,

I hope that this letter finds you well and that our neighbors are way less put off by the owl attempting to get into our kitchen this time. (Seriously though, Mrs. Green needs to quit being such a busybody and mind her own business. Spying on people is probably way more questionable of a personal habit than being occasionally visited by nocturnal birds of prey. Owls are cool. Being a creepy, peeping weirdo isn't.)

School is going well so far! I mean, there's this minor issue where we all might be getting stalked by a homicidal maniac with a machete - but, y'know, no worries! And it's October. So at least it's seasonally appropriate!

Anyway, I'm just writing to let you both know that I have officially become a Good Person. Homicidal maniac is tangentially related, but mostly it's about Corey Feldman and his no longer questionable future and employment. (Seriously though. No worries. Everyone is Very Pleased and the undead remain totally undead.) There's probably a ceremony. Or a medal. Or something. I'll keep you posted.
Love,^♥
Frankie
P.S. - Please return owl with cupcakes. The good kind.

I fully support this letter. Please send it to mom and dad exactly as is.

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