gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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Well, my weekly letter to mom and dad is definitely working out to be my most exciting letter home yet. Where do you even start?

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Dear Mom & Dad,

S.O.S. - Please send sweets!

No elaboration, no frills. That probably is the way to go.

We've got this under control. What we don't have is access to access to jolly ranchers.

When I send them a shopping list instead of a life update, that's when they know something's up.

But if they know something is "up" they'll be more eager to cheer you up with your most fantastical requests! Now is the time to ask for that unicorn you've always wanted.

You've got this down to a science. What's your unicorn's name?

I don't even know if my parents would believe me if I told the truth. Or if I'd want them to believe me. They're already touchy about the concept of prefect patrols, so I can only imagine their reaction if I add: "P.S. False alarm on the masked serial killer!"

All of my moms are going to love hearing about this. Well, parts of it, at least. But I'll turn it into a good story.

That's my main concern too. I mentioned the whole Killer of Gooseberry Lake thing after the Ribbonfin campfire, but it was kind of in a "here's a fun urban legend that's taking the school by storm" kind of way. So if I just dive into it now it'd be like, "by the way! We thought there WAS a serial killer chasing people around the school with knives for a little bit there, but it was all jokes! Also the teachers don't want us going anywhere alone." I'd be back in Seattle in a heartbeat if my dad read that.

It's the kind of thing that I'm sure will be hilarious in retrospect. Maybe just not yet.

Well, my cat is named Kitty, so... Horny?

Let's workshop this.

'Spose you're right. Not the kind of unicorn you can bring to family events.

It doesn't really work for me either. My cat's Pushkin, so I guess the unicorn would be... Dostoyevsky?

You could attempt to engage your dad in a lighthearted "who would win: wands vs. knives" debate to downplay the danger. I was considering it, but it really doesn't work with muggle parents.

It'll be fine. The teachers were forced to be overcautious, with ~~what happened to Wes and~~ everything that's happened lately. Hopefully everything will slow down and things will go back to normal soon.

Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Very stoic, though.

I can't believe I forgot about wands vs knives! That feels like a year ago. It wouldn't really work with my dad either. He'd just be like "any wizard who allows himself to be attacked with a mundane knife is an idiot" and go back to reading his newspaper.

Better to be overcautious than let things get this far again, honestly. I'm sure everything will calm right down.

Unicorns deserve glittery names, not stoic ones.

Compromise? Prince Valiant??

That is the perfect unicorn name. I assume we have joint custody.

Definitely start with, "Well, they caught the serial killer."

You can explain the nuances a few paragraphs in.

THIS.

As long as we promise never to fight in front of him. He has a sensitive disposition.

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