gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

Who: Basil Underhill, Lucas Kowalski
When: Late May, early evening
Where: Outside the lodge
What: A patronus practice session.
Warnings: Nah.

There was just a bit of give when Lucas bent his wand between his fingers. And then, taking the handle with its faded silver inlay in his right hand, he sliced it through the air a few times. A comfortable, idle movement, like a runner stretching before a jog - getting those muscles limber.

He squinted up at the orange light filtering through the trees. Early evening and it was still quite warm out. Good weather to clear your head. To think of happy things.

A great deal shyer in person than he was over the journals, Lucas dipped his head into his shoulders and looked at other things when he finally got ‘round to speaking. “So,” he started, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand. “I know you aren’t in Charms or DADA - right?” After a beat, realizing what he was doing, he focused on making eye contact with Basil. “You know the basics of the Patronus charm? It’ll give me an idea of where we’re starting out.”

Basil was rocking back and forth on his heels, either ignorant to Lucas’s shyness or just ignoring it in favor of enjoying the glorious weather. He had his wand currently stuffed in his back pocket, stilling himself when Lucas spoke. “No, I’m not. I’m gonna take Charms next year, and I didn’t know DADA was a thing until I got to, uh, look over the different subjects? I didn’t think it’d be very useful but now that I’ve gone and heard everything people get to do, I really want to take it. Learn how those spells work and maybe I could even get to dissect hexes and the like to see how they’re put together.” He was very animated when he spoke, hands out and gesturing vaguely like he was dissecting the breeze.

He licked his lips before continuing. “I looked it up after our chat. A Patronus Charm is a very powerful spell that uses the incantation expecto patronum, or ‘I wait for a patron’, to produce this glowy creature that repels dementors. It can also convey messages to others, and a wispy cloud thing could be made instead of the full animal. It’s supposed to be a really hard spell to master, but god, it’s awesome to read about! I’d love to be able to produce one.” And he was bouncing now, too excited to start to remain still for even a full minute. At least he remembered to breath while talking this time.

A smile, small and crooked, tugged up on one side of Lucas's face. He recognized that enthusiasm. The same sort of joy he'd had the first time someone had put a wand in his hands and showed him that magic was, in fact, real and something that he could do. Unfortunately, his skill at expressing that was limited: "Cool. Good. Yeah." He cleared his throat, and from there, slipped with ease into a more confident cadence. "It's a manifestation of happiness. Sort of a dementor's opposite number."

"They make it sound simple," Lucas loosened his stance. Did a couple more swings of his wand arm. "Clear your head. Focus on a happy thought." Then, he stilled, took a breath and gestured, wand out. "Expecto Patronum!" A wispy swirl of shining gray-white smoke unfurled itself from the end of Lucas's wand, stretching until it became a small, flat-eared house cat. Lucas, meanwhile, turned back to Basil. "Then, bam. Patronus."

The ghostly cat pranced one full circle around Lucas before disappearing.

He grinned at it as it faded away. "But, it's never that simple. Clearing your head's hard for some people. Coming up with a happy memory's hard for others. What worked for me was...focusing on a happy memory that made me feel confident. One that was worth..." There were a lot of ways to describe what he wanted to say. Some of them felt too deeply personal to go into. So he settled for something simpler. "...protecting."

“Clearing my head, happy thoughts, got it.” He nodded, more serious now that he’d seen Lucas actually perform the spell, obviously thinking. A year ago and he wouldn’t have been able to come up with a single thought to focus on. But now -- now there was an entire schoolful of reasons.

But what could be worth protecting? That had the boy stumped for a good minute before he turned back to Lucas. “So, would it be too much to ask you what memory you use? Is it just the one you use over and over? Do you have to really remember or can it be a fuzzy memory?”

If he was totally honest with himself, he’d admit he was delaying. Actual spellwork wasn’t his best talent most of the time. Dissecting, reconstructing, and creating his own workarounds? Yes, that’s where his skill lay. But he was always so slow to actually perform a spell, wanting to understand it, wanting to not seem slow to his more educated, more grounded peers. And so, even now, with just one older student, he was delaying the actual attempt at casting a patronus.

Lucas laughed, soft and a little sheepish, one hand grazing the top of his curly head. "From what I've seen, you know, with other students, it can be anything - so long as it's the right feeling. If you're happiest eating a bowl of Trix at home on Sunday morning - hey, great, that works for you."

Finishing the thought, he looked off, over Basil's shoulder. "For me, though. The first time I got it right, I was thinking about this thing Bash-- my boyfriend and I, did over the summer. We broke into a playground near his house at night, because--" Because he couldn't sleep. Because of the nightmares. "Er, we just talked and goofed off. It was the first time I apparated on my own and..." Lucas trailed off, expression inscrutable a moment before he picked back up. "It was just, ah, important. To me. All those feelings were feelings I wanted...to protect."

Again Lucas lowered his head, shoulders tight, embarrassed. Lucas Kowalski's discomfort with the world was nothing new, though it had become less obvious in the last year. "I, uh, I've practiced with a lot of memories, though. Um, getting the letter saying I was going to be Charms TA always works. Driving around looking for open takeout places with my parents on Christmas. A particularly nice group hug with my cabinmates, last year. Treasure hunts. Sled riding. I think having a clear memory works better than a vague idea, but it's different for everyone."

Basil recognized the signs of discomfort, if only because he was intimately familiar with the tension in his own shoulders for the entirety of his freshman year at home. He scooted closer, leaning into Lucas so that part of his cheek was resting against Lucas’s shoulder and he could attempt a hug -- a very safe and totally platonic side hug. Some fears were harder to shake than others; Lucas would understand if Basil talked about it.

But he didn’t. He just gave the quick little hug and pulled away, racking his mind for his happiest memory. “I think I’ve got a couple I can try. Now, to just clear my mind…”

Lucas stiffened slightly against the hug, an automatic, startled reaction - not unkind, but certainly awkward. Three years as an Azurcrest and the jays' predilection for physical contact still caught him off guard from time to time. Conscious of the tightness of his posture, he forced himself to relax and offer Basil a reassuring smile as the younger student stepped away for his first summoning attempt.

So, how Lucas said that clearing the mind would be the hardest for some? Basil was one of these. He had the memory first practical day of hermeticism, learning the roots of spells, digging into an old book where some other wizard also tried to apply physics to magic, not? being laughed out of the school the first time he gave a male friend a hug, but his mind was, well. If he could never stop moving, then how could he ever hope to clear his mind?

He hopped from foot to foot, eventually closing his eyes and focusing on his breathing. This helped sometimes, but he couldn’t shake the feeling he was being watched. But Lucas was nice, he was expecting Basil to try and focus, this was a very hard spell, but what if you look stupid, what if you can’t do it, everyone else here probably can, what if you are stupid.

He shook his head hard, like that’s shake out the thought with it, then grabbed his wand out of his pocket, mimicking the motion Lucas had done in an instant. “Expecto Patronum!” Nothing but air displaced from his arm movement changed. He was left with an outstretched arm and furrowed brow, though slowly he lowered his arm. “I-I guess I’m not a natural then, huh?” he tried to joke with a smile, but his eyebrows gave him away his anxiety spiking. What if, what if, what if --

"Oh, no, it's--it's okay," Lucas gave a whole body jolt when he recognized the strain in Basil's expression. He reached out, one hand hovering tentatively between them, unsure of what to do with itself. "I didn't figure out the Patronus charm until this year, myself. Tried and tried all Freshman and Sophomore year." He offered with another small, crooked, reassuring smile. "A lot of adults a--are never able to cast it at all. But you shouldn't give up just yet."

He wasn’t prepared to handle a panicking underclassman. Lucas’s hand dropped instinctively to the inhaler in his pocket. For his own reassurance. "Uh, just, focus on the smell of the grass, or the sound of the wind in the trees and feet on the trail. Put yourself in the moment. Then try to grasp a good memory - something simple."

Even though his hand didn’t quite reach Basil, he did end up leaning forward, just enough to bump lightly into it. And then it was gone and Basil took a moment to try and steady himself. “Something simple,” he repeated, licking his lips before chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Like Banana. Banana makes me happy. She is, well, I’ve had her for like four years now.” Since before middle school. He shifted, slipping out of his shoes and socks so he could feel the grass on his feet, noticeably relaxing again as he tried to focus on a happy thought. “I put her in a freshman’s cup and they screamed,” he said with a giggle, barely collecting himself before he tried once again to cast the charm. “Expecto Patronum!” Still nothing, just the meanest puff of silver that was almost invisible in the evening light.

It wasn't easy, watching someone knot themselves up the way he often did. And Lucas could feel something winding tight between his shoulders, driving his posture into more of a slouch, until that little wisp of shiny gray manifested.

"See? There you go," Lucas said in an even, almost bright tone, all the tension draining out of him. "That's an excellent start. And you, um, you don't need to get it in one go. Hang onto how you did that," he emphasized this point by tapping on his own temple. "Get into that mindset and keep practicing. You'll have it. I know it."

Basil hadn’t caught it at first, thinking it was a trick of his imagination, but Lucas had seen it too and, and he’d done it! Just the tiniest bit, but he’d done it! Basil made a sound that wasn’t entirely human, bouncing up and turning to give Lucas a proper hug. “Thank you! I did it! I did it!” He could run a marathon. He did almost climb a tree, low-key running a circle around the older student.

“I’m going to practice this every day,” he finally declared. And he would, determined to get the complex charm down as quickly as possible. “Thank you for showing me Lucas.”

“It’s, um, no problem,” Lucas croaked, looking, unsurprisingly, a bit like a wet cat. With a bit of effort, he gave Basil a clap on the back. “Always--um, I'm always glad to help.”