gooseberryhigh | Owl for Jesse McBride

During breakfast, a long box is delivered to Jesse McBride by a school owl. Yes, literally from the owlery in the same building as the cafeteria. Don't overthink it; you'll just get hurt.

A card is Spello-taped to the outside of the box, and reads...

Congratulations on miraculously keeping your ass alive for another year! You're eighteen and you're still a fucking weirdo — you might be even more of a weirdo now, but only time will tell.

Thanks for being there, and for helping me, and for everything else. Honeychurch was great and all but I'm glad you're now my Prefect in Crime.

Happy birthday, Jesse. Love you.
♥ Q.

P.S. Don't let the annual display of gratitude go to your head.

P.P.S. Stop hitting yourself.

Inside the box is a pair of drumsticks. The drumsticks are decent enough and seem rather unremarkable save for a small J.I.J.M.Jr. inscribed beside each handle.

They've been charmed, however — or jinxed depending on one's definition of a 'fun prank.' The first time Jesse hits the skins of a drum with the sticks, they make the sound of party noisemakers, blow confetti into the air, and eject ribbons that read "FUCK YOU." Everything sucks back into the drumsticks after three seconds, and it happens an average of one out of every fifty following hits.

For most people, this makes the drumsticks both useless and infuriating.

That's the point.

Delittante's rendering of the experience: