gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

[Warded to Solomon]

I know that you probably don't care what I've got to say. I don't blame you and I'll keep this brief. I'm sorry, Solomon. Things are fucked up right now and I took that out on you. I shouldn't have. You didn't deserve it and you didn't do anything to provoke it. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and there's no excuse for what I did.

And [...] if you want me to quit the team, I will. I don't want to fuck that up for you.

[Warded to Rafael + Kele]

I should've said this before, but thank you for stopping me before what happened with Webb could go any farther. I know I was out of control, but I won't let that happen again. I just wanted to tell you both that since the others are coming back soon. You don't need to worry about me what I'm going to do.

[Warded to Katya + Asher]

I'm sorry I haven't been responding to your messages. I haven't been looking at my journal lately. But I needed to be alone. I still need to be alone, honestly. [...] I can't be what either of you want me to be right now. Once you're back here again, it'd be better if you stayed away for a while.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not going to ask you to quit the team.

[...] All right.

I'll see you at practice.

All right.

Don't need you to be anything.

~~Bullshit.~~

[...]

I'm not anything you'd need or want right now, Katya. Just believe that.

Why?

Because I'm asking you to.

If you're going to cut me out I deserve at least some sort of an explanation.

But fuck it whatever. I know when I'm not wanted around.

I gave you an explanation: I'm in a bad fucking place and I need to be alone. ~~I've done enough that I regret. I don't want to h~~ So just let me be alone.

And instead of letting me help like you helped me, you shut me out?

You can't help. Talking isn't going to change anything. I'm not like you; I just need to be left alone.

No one is like me. I get it. If you want to be alone, so be it. Do whatever. ~~I'm just going to go drink~~

I know you want your space, but I think it's better if you're around people who care about you. You're my best friend. Let me help.

[...]

I've never asked you to be anything and I won't be starting now. Did something else happen, beyond what I heard from your aunt? Are you ok? ~~Why didn't you tell me? I would have come back to school for you.~~ ~~Are you and Katya ok?~~

You can't help, Asher. There's nothing to do.

[...]

What did Eva tell you?

Emotional support is important and something I can do to help, you just have to let me. Pushing people away probably isn't going to make you feel better - you'll just stew in all the bad stuff.

Your aunt just told me something had come up and you had to stay at school. I had sent you an owl, so she was letting me know you weren't there to receive it. I didn't ask anything else.

I'm not going to press for specifics or anything, I just...

[...]

What else happened? Something else must have happened. ~~I know you're probably feeling like shit because of not seeing your mom and whatever is going on, but this seems like an extreme reaction~~ I just want to help.

You sound like a goddamn therapist.

I don't need to talk. I don't need to hug it out or cry on your shoulder. I'm not a kid anymore and this isn't the sort of problem you can solve by patting me on the head and reassuring me in a soothing voice. ~~She's fucking dying, Asher. I fucking know it. And I~~ I've got to handle this myself. At least for now. So just back the fuck off.

[...]

And yeah. Something did happen. I beat Webb bloody while you were gone. Because he wouldn't leave me alone either. Happy? We've shared now.

[...]

~~Fuck you.~~

~~Is it fun to put stupid as shit words in my mouth?~~ ~~Fuck I wish you just would have asked me to come back~~ ~~I'm not~~ ~~I can't~~ ~~I know you're hurting but you can't just~~ ~~Is he ok?~~ ~~What is your punishment becau~~

[Asher has scrubbed out scribbles at this point]

I'm giving you a week before I start harassing you again. I'll be the most annoying therapist you've ever seen. ~~I don't even know what to say about Sol~~

[...]

[There's a small dot on the page where Asher had been pressing his pen, prepared to write, but gave up.]

If you ever feel that way again, that you are upset and can't control yourself, come find me. I will not tell anyone what you do or say.

I will.

[...]

Would you mind if we patrol together for a while? I can ask ~~Gillis~~ Honeychurch.

That is fine. I can handle the arrangements if you like. No one will mind, and if they do I will find a reason to convince them.

Okay. I'll leave it to you.

If we do worry it's because we want to make sure you are okay.
Can I hang out with you? Or maybe we can go for a run together soon.

Just a couple of goddamn saints, aren't you? You should probably be in Ribbonfin.

[...]

But I don't think that's a good idea.

(no subject)

Casper | Solomon

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