gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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[Warded to Xavier, Isaiah, and Jeremy]
~~Sorry for being so out of sorts this morning~~
~~I apologize if you get an earful of me lecturing Ravi at any point during the next week.~~
Luckily everything is fine. At least the rest of us are lacking in anything we need to test on ourselves for our senior projects, right? ~~Ha.~~

[Warded ~~to Ravi~~ Private]
~~Dude, what the hell, I still can’t freaking believe~~

[Warded to Casper]
1) Please don’t kill Ravi.
2) I kind of want to kill Ravi.

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~~He's under too much pressure~~ ~~It's wrong that we all expect him to take care of us, is that why he did it?~~ ~~I thought we lost~~
I'm [...] just really glad he's okay.

Let's promise to tell at least two other people before doing anything stupidly life threatening from here on out, okay, guys?

Yeah, me too. It's [...] yeah, everything is fine.

Agreed, stupid choices trio system is now effect. ~~One person just isn't enough. I couldn't~~ I haven't got anything up my sleeve in the near future, so you can rest easy with me at least.

~~I just can't believe~~ ~~We're supposed to take care of each other~~ ~~Is he really okay okay?~~

This sucks.

Majorly.

How do we know if it's going to be stupidly life threatening though? I figured my stupid act of the ~~week~~month was stupidly injuring at best, not life-threatening.

[...]

That was a joke, by the way. I feel like that's the only way to preserve your sanity these days.

But I do have just one question: what happens when the only pillar of hope, the only logical and reasonable and most stoically law-abiding of us all has legit lost his mind?

Edited 2017-05-16 05:02 (UTC)

I don't know. ~~I don't know. I don't want to think about this~~ But I think we can all agree to, like, put the kibosh on experimentation with untested substances and spells until at least the end of June.

It was just [...] a bad choice. Ravi's okay.

The most threatening thing about my senior project is the possibility of paper cuts. I think I'm good.

I find it difficult to believe that the teachers would have allowed such a thing to happen under their noses though. But I guess when you're a prefect with all the trust that entails, that does mean all bets are off.

I know all about bad choices, dude. But that's good that he's alright. Still think maybe he needs to take a break though. All work and no play and all that jazz. Project: Keep Ravi Away from Work anyone?

Ravi [...] sort of brought this up with me the other day. I didn't think he'd actually do it, it sounded just like a frustrated aside. I mean. For a minute I thought maybe... ~~clearly I should have taken it more seriously~~ But it's just... it's Ravi. He knows better.

As much as I'd love to drag him away from work, that'd just stress him out more. Maybe we just need to find a happy medium of encouraging breaks and assuring him that he's going to be fine.

Well clearly he doesn't.

What's going to happen to that senior project of his now that it's failed though? I doubt there's any amount of convincing that we can do that will ever get him to rest if the project's ~~busted~~ going to need some major rehaul.

Although this does remind me: Gentlemen, as much as we like to pretend otherwise it is healthy to talk about your feelings. How are we all? Are we quite okay? We don't feel any particularly strong inclination to off ourselves, I hope? This is applicable not only for Senior projects, by the way.

Edited 2017-05-16 13:24 (UTC)

Yeah, I have definitely realized that now.

I think technically it didn't fail. Just had very unintended consequences. He's done enough work that I'm sure his paper will be just fine. So that's a plus. I guess.

~~Jer, don't you know the only two feelings I have are "not the best" and "fine." Current status: not the best. Forecast: fine.~~

I'm just exhausted from the initial shock.

That's good then. I know if my Senior project didn't produce the results that I was hoping for, I would probably want to kill myself too. [...] Which may not be the most reassuring thing to say, given the circumstances.

[Warded to Asher]

Let me guess: you're blaming yourself somehow. Again. For a screw-up that is decidedly not yours.

Yeah let's... avoid that sort of talk right now.

[Jeremy]

I

[...]

I feel like shit. But this is about Ravi. Don't worry about it. Let's focus on how to help him.

Not worrying about it is probably why we are in this mess in the first place. I'm not keen on letting that happen to you.

Talk to me, Asher.

Nothing like this is going to happen to me.

[...]

I'm just not feeling great. I'm kind of mad. I'm mostly [...] feeling guilty. But I'm going to be fine. Ok?

You better. I think Ravi doesn't realise how much his actions affect us as a whole. All I can say is: you probably need to let him know how affected by this incident you are. And hey who knows, maybe that will be what will give him pause the next time he tries something stupid again.

But I'll say this again: this is totally not on you. The weight of the world does not rest on you.

I promise to inform you all the moment I become at all suicidal.

Cheers, Isaiah.

Well, seeing as how ~~I thought lost one of my best friends and have 46 days left until the only family I've ever given a shit about splits up~~ we don't have much time left together to be equivocating about shit, I think at this point, I'm ready for, like, a teensy bit of honesty.

I'm super fucked up over this. I don't get it. Like, Ravi thought that the best course of action was to just do the thing and leave a note? What does that mean? Does that say something about us? No one deserves to feel like they have to deal with shit like that alone, least of all Ravi. Dude's broken his back for all of us for a bare minimum of four years. What can I do to make things better? Anything?

[...]

I hope Diego and the girls are all okay. Anyone talk to them?

I think, just statistically, the rate of fuck-ups go up significantly around the end of the year. Or just graduation in general. On the plus side: it's probably one of the last times we will fuck up on such grand scale? Maybe? I'd like to think so anyway.

But also: this cabin needs to realise that every one in it is responsible for their own actions. Things happen but it's not an actual reflection of not doing good on anyone else's part. We are all big boys.

Zav, you being you is probably the best course of action. Talk if he wants to. But just being around and knowing he has the option of talking alone probably helps too.

~~Oh my god you knew? I mean it's not your fault but~~

[...]

Okay. I don't know. Everyone's under a lot of pressure. It's not just prom or finals or graduation. It's the weird shit going on, too. Maybe we ~~should take a page from Anu and Ivy and go listen to Mountain Goats and get fucked up~~ could all stand to pump the breaks on hurtling toward adulthood for like just a sec.

Yeah, there's a little too much "weird shit" for my tastes.

[...]

How the hell can we pump the breaks? We're almost done, and then we'll all be out in the world. What if Ravi gets some other dumb idea in his head then? And everyone left here is still here with all the

[...]

Ok, we just need to focus on keeping each other sane, right? It's not that much longer. Just check in with everyone more often? Do more fun things? De-stress more?

The sheer amount of scribbling-out that everyone is doing leads me to believe that perhaps we aren't actually talking about our feelings as much as we'd like to pretend right now.

[...]

Sorry. Now's just not the time for some of my ramblings.

Why not?

Ravi should be our first priority right now, and what I've crossed out hasn't been important in helping him out. I just want to make sure that he's ok, and doesn't feel like something like this is a viable option in the future, you know?

I think [...] those are really good ideas. Good practice, in general, right? We can start there.

I'm not making any promises.

[...]

~~How could someone so smart be so fucking stu~~
~~What the fuck was he even thinki~~
~~I never thought he could be so reckl~~
I never thought he could be so fucking selfi

~~Fuck.~~

[...]

So. Ravi's all right. How are you and Morales holding up?

I'm 90% sure that whatever you've crossed out I agree with.

Diego is way more sensitive than I am so he's pretty shaken up. I mean... things will be ok because Ravi is ok, but.

[...]

I'm ~~not doing~~ [...] ok. Ish. He alluded to doing this the other day and I figured there was no way he'd actually do it. Should have taken it more seriously. So that feels like shit.

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(no subject)

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