(posted sometime after the sophomores fail at killing themselves)

[professionalcorpse]

[Warded to Lucas Private]

so i was gonna do this earlier, but then i thought about the likeliness of at least one of us getting eaten by the forest (how hasn't one of us been eaten by the forest yet? i mean, REALLY.) and figured that going through all of the trouble of wrangling sentences only to DIE would be kind of stupid.

although maybe that would've been a better idea?

i could've specified that an answer wouldn't be necessary until a 24-hour period had elapsed. which would've given me motivation to go out into the woods and die just in case the answer was no - and given YOU the opportunity to not really have to think about it that much because composing a reply to a corpse about prom seems really pointless. though our prom theme IS sort of murder. which seems a bit on the nose for

though then you might've felt bad if i died tragically and that probably would've been a major brainfuck just casting like an awkward shadow over your future dating prospects. does that sound like i'm being self-important re: my ability to cast metaphorical shadows? fuck. not that i'm shadowy. i'm practically translucent, let's be real here. which is really unfair, considering the fact that no less than half of my genet

holy shit, shut up.

the FUCK did you just write, guppy. YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ANYTHING. jesus h Christ, why are you a person.

[Warded to Lucas]

so i wa nope. not this again, you moron

do you want to go to prom with me?

i know that's real abrupt, but my first attempt got super wordy and involved corpses nobody needs a novella when less than a dozen words does the trick.

i'm not exactly sure what this sort of invitation is SUPPOSED to entail, but since we're all probably going to be hanging out like a ridiculously oversized gang anyway? i'm pretty much offering somebody who will REALLY enjoy listening to your scathing commentary on pretty much everybody there. and you can totally be in charge of the 'shut the fuck up, bash' card.

it's pink. and laminated.