gooseberryhigh | (posted sometime after the sophomores fail at killing themselves)

[Warded to ~~Lucas~~ Private]

so i was gonna do this earlier, but then i thought about the likeliness of at least one of us getting eaten by the forest (how hasn't one of us been eaten by the forest yet? i mean, REALLY.) and figured that going through all of the trouble of wrangling sentences only to DIE would be kind of stupid.

although maybe that would've been a better idea?

i could've specified that an answer wouldn't be necessary until a 24-hour period had elapsed. which would've given me motivation to go out into the woods and die just in case the answer was no - and given YOU the opportunity to not really have to think about it that much because composing a reply to a corpse about prom seems really pointless. ~~though our prom theme IS sort of murder. which seems a bit on the nose for~~

though then you might've felt bad if i died tragically and that probably would've been a major brainfuck just casting like an awkward shadow over your future dating prospects. ~~does that sound like i'm being self-important re: my ability to cast metaphorical shadows? fuck.~~ not that i'm shadowy. i'm practically translucent, let's be real here. ~~which is really unfair, considering the fact that no less than half of my genet~~

holy shit, shut up.

the FUCK did you just write, guppy. YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ANYTHING. jesus h Christ, why are you a person.

[Warded to Lucas]

~~so i wa~~ ~~nope. not this again, you moron~~

do you want to go to prom with me?

i know that's real abrupt, but my first attempt got super wordy and ~~involved corpses~~ nobody needs a novella when less than a dozen words does the trick.

i'm not exactly sure what this sort of invitation is SUPPOSED to entail, but since we're all probably going to be hanging out like a ridiculously oversized gang anyway? i'm pretty much offering somebody who will REALLY enjoy listening to your scathing commentary on pretty much everybody there. and you can totally be in charge of the 'shut the fuck up, bash' card.

it's pink. and laminated.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

~~Yes.~~ ~~Yeah.~~ ~~Sure.~~ ~~Yeah.~~ Su ~~Damn.~~

[...] Sorry, crappy quill.

Yeah. I'd like that. It sounds like fun. It'll be good to have someone to navigate the sea of forty best friends with, right?

~~You enjoy my~~ I think we'll be fine without the card.

yeah? ~~you're su~~

i mean, GREAT. nice. ~~swell.~~ other adjectives that also mean that same thing in alphabetical order. and, yes. like a personal social-floatation device!

you can put it in your pocket just in case. you never know. emergencies happen.

Edited (holy shit why can't i use html) 2017-05-25 02:29 (UTC)

For sure. Cool. Mutually assured survival, banter and ~~maybe dancing?~~ fun.

I'll hang on to it, but I won't need it.

totally. fun with the bonus aftereffect of nobody getting lost in the wake of any potential tidal waves of freshmen. (because they're all fucking terrifying - like what was in the WATER? who decided the criteria for admission their year?)

you underestimate my ability to not shut the fuck up.

Buddy system now applies off campus. I wonder if getting them out will break their weird Children of the Corn thing up a little?

Naw, I think you're funny.

buddy system is probably the one thing we can take away from our school experience and apply in the real world. and maybe the curse will be broken. if they return to the real world they'll all be free of their creepy, vaguely threatening mind control.

all of the words are clouding your perception.

All that training in ouija board use...and for what? An office job. The buddy system, though, that's got staying power. I'm excited to see what a non-possessed freshman looks like.

Bash, mind control is the domain of freshmen, not sophomores.

i sincerely hope that there are office jobs that appreciate an insanely healthy 'other skills' section. but if all else fails, at least we'll be super good at not being alone when things come to eat us. i want to say adorable, but it's probably still terrifying. but terrifying and with free will. which might be even worse.

sorry, dude. i really hate to do you like this, but i've been a freshman sleeper agent the whole time.

"Proven track record of working well and surviving in a group" sounds good, right?

What horrors will they come up with, given the opportunity to plot independent of the hive? Maybe they'll turn on each other.

Well, at least I know which one's the evil twin. Still just pocketing the card for now.

definitely. so does 'staggeringly extensive knowledge of anti-possession sigils.' totally the first thing employers look for in new recruits.

we can only hope that their rage is insular and self-destructive.

and we're easily distinguishable from one another. so the chances of her killing me and taking my place without at least one person noticing are slim. you're a brave soul. may the gods show you mercy.

I'm pretty sure I'll survive. Maybe. There's always the chance that a sinkhole will open up and swallow the whole place.

[...]

Hey, so what name did you get? I'm Constable Asparagus.

we'll just have to wait and see!

i feel like our overall gooseberry population is small enough that this gives you the authority to make arrests. apparently i am mayor mahogany. this is probably the name of a mayor in one of those old christmas movies my dad makes us watch. and, fortunately for everyone involved, i have been given enough time to process this that i probably won't feel the need to quote effie trinket excessively.

Might wind up doing it anyway. What creepy mansion isn't decked out in mahogany? It'll be hard to resist.

We [...] kind of sound like tertiary characters from Thomas the Tank Engine. Like we're there to give Sir Topham Hatt a hard time.

that's what the card is for. this EXACT kind of emergency.

sir topham hatt is pretty much always having a hard time. all that confusion and delay with his like 3.5 sentient trains.

I see.

Did you just lay a sick burn on Percy?

you just hold it up and look vaguely disappointed. years of aba training will take care of the rest.

percy deserves it. he's a disaster and he gets into a ridiculous amount of accidents for an sentient vehicle that runs on tracks.

Edited 2017-05-25 02:44 (UTC)

(posted sometime after the sophomores fail at killing themselves)

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas

Bash/Lucas - I had to look up thomas the tank engine characters

Bash/Lucas - i am now on ttte wiki. because that exists. and i only remember ringo starr.

don't mind Wyatt. he's just in this corner, screamin' hallelujah!! 🎆