(no subject)

[bubblewrapped]

[The reverse side of the postcard invites the reader to the Kowalski residence in Atlanta, GA, which is totally not haunted, on 7/17. There's timing, address and directions available for both arrival-by-apparition and arrival-by-car. It advises that you should get your towels ready cuz it's about to go down. Also your swimsuit, and adequate sunscreen(!!!). And, oh yeah, this is a nomaj neighborhood so keep the wand hijinks to a minimum or else the HOA will get pissed.]

Comments

An alarmingly fast response

[racingstripe]

YEAH!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

- Jeffy

Re: An alarmingly fast response

[bubblewrapped]

Dude,

Awesome. Excited to see you.

I think there'll be a cake for Will, too. Are there any chickabro going away ceremony rules? I should ask Zach. He knows that stuff.

-Lucas

[nothalfplaid]

Are you fucking serious?

Better be. Because I'll be there.


- Fern

[bubblewrapped]

This was actually all part of my plan to lure you into a trap. You're too clever for me. But you should come anyway. Be a good sport about it.

-Lucas

[untarnish]

Can't make it.

x Ariadne Flint

[bubblewrapped]

Ariadne,

Aw, see you at the next thing, maybe? Hope your summer is going well.

- Lucas

[professionalcorpse]

[Bash already called to respond. But Sarah insisted that polite people RSVP to parties on papers. So he made her do it for him. This was an error.]

lucas is keeping this forever, uncle guppy.

[bubblewrapped]

bash quits his whole family.

[professionalcorpse]

also at the next little girl tea party lucas attends they are going to have a chat about shittalking

[bubblewrapped]

sarah hopes this means they get to shit talk bash over tea.

[professionalcorpse]

it's only acceptable when the talkee is present and within earshot, so maybe?

[bubblewrapped]

well, it's no fun to make fun of uncle guppy if he isn't THERE.

[professionalcorpse]

This will be the most productive brunch meeting with a five-year-old lucas has ever had.

[bubblewrapped]

next year, his nieces just mail lucas instead of him and bash pouts aggressively.

[professionalcorpse]

You can always read them when he's done, Bash.

[bubblewrapped]

nope. sarah's yours now. congratulations, it's a girl.

[professionalcorpse]

that seems like a lot of responsibility.

[bubblewrapped]

thems the breaks, dude. at least that one's out of diapers.

[professionalcorpse]

lucas does not know how to talk to children

[bubblewrapped]

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for the letter. I'm sorry you don't get to go to more pool parties. Maybe Uncle Guppy can bring you over sometime. In the meantime, though, please keep telling me all his embarrassing secrets. Appreciate it.

Sincerely,
Lucas

but children know how to talk to him!

[professionalcorpse]

[Sealed in two envelopes. The first has the words 'i do not approve of your friendship any longer' in Bash's handwriting written across the back. The one on the inside has a messy heart drawn on it. It's also bright pink.]

This child has imprinted on lucas. He loves her forever.

[bubblewrapped]

please see envelope for bash's feelings on the matter.

[professionalcorpse]

Lucas thinks the shorts thing is totally cute, at least?

[bubblewrapped]

[evercreep]

I won't be able to come.

If it's not too much trouble, tell everyone who cares that I'm sorry.

- Calvin

calvin u weiner

[readingrainbows]

he's very busy feeling sorry for himself

[evercreep]

[badassbeaterbabe]

i'm sorry ree HE'S THE WORST

[evercreep]

[bubblewrapped]

Sad. I'll let everyone know. You'll be missed.

- Lucas

[readingrainbows]

Hi Lucas,

I don't really want to swim will BE THERE with BELLS ON just as long as I PASS MY APPARATING TEST! Wish me luck! I'm going to STAY POSITIVE and assume that I can make it. I'll owl you if anything changes, okay?

FOND REGARDS,
Zach

P.S. — I just learned that sometimes, people end a postscript with a "D.S." for deinde scriptum. That means "in place of a signature." I guess you're supposed to SIGN OFF on your appendices, just in case they had been added WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION by a person of NEFARIOUS INTENT. But don't worry! This one was all me. D.S.

[bubblewrapped]

Zach,

You're gonna do great on your test, man. I expect you here, although floaties may be better than bells.

-Lucas

P.S. That makes every letter sound way cooler - like spy correspondence. Speaking of secrets, anything in the chickabro rule book about going away ceremonies? Since Will's going to Hogwarts I thought we could do something. D.S.

[readingrainbows]

Hi again,

I'm not sure. I think all the usual rules apply:

1. Have fun.
2. Everyone is welcome.
3. No premeditated murder.
4. Share your snacks.

... plus maybe a few going-away specific addenda. I'm PRETTY SURE #6 is probably something like "No more than five jokes about baby birds leaving the nest," which is going to be PRETTY TOUGH to follow, but I promise to try. Should we make a special cake or something like that? It won't be as cool or as fancy without the house elves to help us, but I do a mean FUNFETTI!

WITH ANTICIPATION,
Zach

[magitechnically]

Can you even swim???

- Essie

[bubblewrapped]

[Lucas visits Essie's village in Animal Crossing after getting this letter. Spells out "NO. HELP." in coconuts.]

[magitechnically]

[Essie visits Lucas' village and bonks him on the head repeatedly with a bug net. It's not very helpful.]

[odder]

[The owl brings back a small folded fish with the message-]

Will be there and ready to drown (with the fish)
-J

[bubblewrapped]

[A post owl drops off a tiny origami skull]

Underwater funerals are very In this summer.

-Lucas

[humansunshine]

I am coming! I can't wait!! I LOVE SWIM PARTIES!!!

❤️
Gabi!

[bubblewrapped]

Nice. Looking forward to seeing you.

- Lucas

Owled back in a TIMELY MANNER, I swear

[orangepip]

Dear Lucas,

I can't sw 
I don't really like water 

I'll be there!!

Love Pippa