Waitlist. The word echoed through his head over and over as he jogged next to Tess, their absurdly early morning run around the campus only halfway finished. The usual affectionate bickering and off-key marching songs that provided a much better workout soundtrack than Robin’s grindcore was absent today, replaced by silence and measured breaths.
Tess usually knew when something was up with Robin, but as long as it didn’t seem to be causing him physical pain, she tried to let him come to her. Today was one of those days. She always expected grumpiness when she woke him up, but today it never passed, and their run was a quiet one.
A bird announced its presence with a piercing whistle and Robin felt the urge to huck a rock in its general direction, because it was definitely that bird’s fault he was here. On the fucking waitlist. Where he belonged, which was better than he deserved, to be perfectly honest. What had he even fucking expected, with his shit grades and family history and his frankly barely palatable personality? His dad had warned him against it, against working for the damn government, and sure as hell against putting all his eggs in this one damned basket like this, but Robin had stubbornly insisted he could do it. He had stumbled half-blind over every obstacle that came his way so far through sheer pigheadedness; what was one little rigorous application process when you were a badass dueler and survivalist and ghost hunter?
His face red from the exertion, sweat dripping from his forehead, his mind only barely paying attention to his feet, Robin stumbled over a rock and let out a barely comprehensible swear. It might have been “fuckhellfrickass.”
“What the shit is this fucking shit?” he eloquently spat out, kicking at the rock as hard as he could. And missing.
When Robin stumbled to a halt, Tess skidded in the gravel, turning to face him to make sure he hadn’t face planted or otherwise injured himself. When she saw he was healthy and… really angry at a rock, she rested her hands on her hips, panting and furrowing her eyebrows at him. “The fuck?” She said between breaths, shrugging her shoulders at him. “You tell… that damn rock.”
“It can eat a fucking DICK,” he snapped, his reaction perfectly proportional to the level of discomfort and inconvenience it had just caused him. “Who the fuck’s it think it's messing with?” And then, to make sure he didn't miss this time, to really punish this terrible thing known as nature, Robin grabbed the rock from the middle of the goddamn path and pitched it into the woods.
The (bigger than expected) rock slammed into one of the trees with a (louder than anticipated) thud. Robin turned back to Tess. His face was still red, but what was new about that? “The fuck you looking at?”
Tess’s eyebrows had disappeared under her bangs. “A freak out of some kind?” This was more than just garden variety Youngblood grumpiness. “Did that rock kill your parents?” she asked him. “Did the forest insult your taste in comics?”
“Maybe it don't fucking matter and I can throw whatever the hell rocks I want.” He didn't like the arc of her eyebrows when she looked at him, didn't like the teasing sound of her voice. It was no different from how she spoke to him during yesterday's run, or when she was trying to help him understand the dumb bullshit homework for the dumb bullshit classes he put himself through at this dumb bullshit school, but today it just pissed him off. Robin raised his own eyebrows at her. “We running or we fucking off some more?”
“Calm down, motherfucker,” Tess said. ‘Motherfucker’ is Nobleblood-ese for ‘buddy’ but she’s still got her eyebrows raised at him. “Sure we can run, you’re the one that wanted to stop and tell the rocks what’s what.”
“Don't tell me to calm down, motherfucker, what the fuck makes you think I ain't calm?” Everything about Robin screamed I AIN'T CALM right now -- his stance, the jut of his jaw, the clench of his fists, the unnecessary volume of his voice, and the fact that he wanted to fight about it. “Dunno who the shit you think you're talking to.”
“You know what?” Tess said, with a brief humorless laugh. “You can just fucking stand out here and ‘be calm’ then, dick. You have a mature fucking discourse with the forest or whatever.” She stomped past him, flipping him the bird as she went.
Robin rolled his eyes, pushing her shoulder with his when she walked past. How the fuck did she get into Auror testing when she ran away from conflict? How the fuck was she a better candidate than him when they took the same classes, did the same training, and wasn't even a better goddamn dueller than him?
“Like I could fuckin’ give a shit what you do,” he muttered, not even intending for her to hear him through his gritted teeth.
“You know what?” Tess said, rounding on him and shoving him hard. “I don’t fucking deserve this! I didn’t fucking have anything to do with whatever this shit is! So why you gotta-” She shoved him again. “Always start shit?”
Robin has never been the type to turn his back on a fight. Even in a good mood, fists up mean it's time to throw the fuck down.
“Oh I'm startin’ shit?” Robin snarled, shoving Tess back hard, maybe too hard, definitely harder than the situation called for. “Coulda moved the fuck on ‘stead o’ standin’ ‘round here and bitchin’ ‘bout it.”
She stumbled backwards, her feet finding purchase in the dirt to keep from toppling backwards. Tess had spent the last few years remoulding herself from an angry little girl to a responsible adult, a mature prefect, and the sensible one out of their group of Coppertale idiots. Some days, she even believed it. Today, she felt anger bubbling over like a pot left on high heat for too long. Words were done. She leaned down, lip curled, then hurled herself at him.
Tess hit Robin and Robin hit the ground like a sack of bricks, the air leaving his lungs with a heavy “Oomff.” Teeth gritted, face the deep red that only someone this fucking ginger could achieve, he shoved his hand in her face and pushed it away.
“Eat shit,” he yelled and kneed her as hard as he could in the stomach. “Eat hot shit.” Because that’s a great insult, shut the fuck up.
Tess coughed when his knee went into her stomach, but she refused to let him kick her off, grabbing a fist full of his shirt to hold onto for leverage with her offhand. “Fuck you!” she growled, swinging her fists at his face.
Her fists hit his face and Robin didn't even care, couldn't even fucking feel it. Right now, at least. He aimed a sharp elbow at her throat, her face, at wherever seemed open and vulnerable, wanting to smash something. Because this wasn't his best friend latched onto his shirt like a particularly aggressive barnacle, this was his own fucking failure. It was who he could have been if he was just a little smarter, if he didn't struggle with the simplest shit like reading a goddamn book and remembering the name of some dumbshit constellation, and he wanted to show that fucking face that being strong and knowing how to take a punch was just as important.
“Fucking BRING IT,” he snarled, trying to throw her off him, like she wasn't already fucking bringing it. “I ain't got shit to lose.”
Something cracked against her cheekbone and Tess tumbled to the side, feeling pain and damp warmth on her cheek. Perhaps, as his prefect, she should have been trying to calm him down. Maybe, as his friend, she ought to have been trying to work out what was causing this, but there was only one way through, now.
“Whatever you say, shithead,” she said, twisting her body sharply to aim her knee for his nose.
Her knee hit his face, and even at the fucked up angle he could tell there was blood, dripping from his nose. Robin bared his teeth and, for a second, it looked like he was just going to bite the shit out of Tess, like a fucked up ginger predator. But he held back. Miraculously, Robin Youngblood didn’t immediately try to tear a chunk from his best friend’s shoulder.
“Fuck it, FINE,” he shouted, his voice ragged and frustrated. “You’ve fucking PROVED it, you’re fucking BETTER than me, now FUCK OFF.” He rolled, shoving at Tess, pushing her off him. “Like everyone doesn’t already fucking know that.”
It took a moment to register what he said. She was still keyed up for a fight, and her face was screwed up in confusion. He pushed her away and she let him, rolling to sit on her ass in the dirt and stare. “What the hell are you talking about, dude?” she asked, throwing her hands into the air. “Takes some of the fun out of winning whatever the fuck this is when I don’t know what I’m competing in.”
“Don't fucking WORRY about it.” Robin pushed himself up to a sitting position, forearms draped over his knees. His blood still boiled, his anger stuck in his throat like a jagged rock, he felt like throwing and punching and tearing something or someone to shreds.
But instead, he put his head on his knees and his hands on either side, gripping his short hair like he was about to rip his head off. Like if he could just pop it off and blow in his ear like a game cartridge maybe that shit would make his brain fucking work right. To the blood-spattered dirt he muttered, almost too quiet for anyone to hear, “I got fucking waitlisted.”
Tess stared at him, her anger deflating as she realized what he was telling her. “I’m not better than you, asshole. I’m just better at taking tests and shit. Shit that doesn’t count for anything, really,” she said. “Besides, some fuckos are going to drop, you know that. They’re going to get accepted into fancy colleges or they’re gonna realize maybe they don’t want to die and do something else.”
She nudged him with her dirty sneaker, trying to get him to look up at her. “Since when do you give up, huh?”
“You ain't gotta bullshit to make my ass feel better, I was never gonna fucking get this,” he grumbled, deliberately avoiding Tess’ eyes as he pushed himself to a standing position. “Shoulda taken the hint years back.” He swiped violently at the blood drying around his nose. “Let's just go.”
“Hey,” she said, punching him in the shoulder. It had a little force in it, enough to get his attention, but no where near where they had been moments ago. “When have I ever bullshitted you? You think I woulda put this much fucking work into you if you were never gonna get this?” She pushed herself to stand. “And Lilywhite. She’s a badass, and she knows the job. She wouldn’t waste her time if she thought you weren’t ever going to get it.”
“Shit man, I dunno your life, you could have some kinda fucked up bet between the two o’ y'all,” he said with a shrug, and, despite the deliberate furrowing of his eyebrows, the corners of his mouth twitched up just a bit.
“It's whatever, don't fucking worry about it.” Robin hocked a glob of bloody spit on the path between the two of them. Out of love.
“Whatever dude,” she said, gently shoving him forward as she started into a light jog. “Next time, I’m gonna kick your ass.” |
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gooseberryhigh2017-07-31 05:08 pm
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