"Busy, Bee?"
Levi leaned heavily against the ladder leading up to Cecil's bed, arms folded across the steps as he grinned up at him. His hair was a mess and his clothes were wrinkled from lounging in bed all day after Charms; he'd been consumed by Diego's latest journal entry and barely moved from his spot. The tiny seed of worry that had been planted in his mind after his talk with Diego quickly blossomed as he was left alone to dwell on the uncertainty of his new relationship. By dinner time, he had gone through his inner monologue of all the things he'd say to Cecil several times over until he was certain he had all his bullet points down.
He told Diego he wouldn't overthink it. But he was definitely overthinking it. Levi had hung around all day, waiting for the perfect moment to approach Cecil and now was his time to strike. His eyes creased at the corners, his cheeks dimpled, and his grin widened. "Can I climb up for a heart-to-heart if you have the time?" He teased to lighten his request, "If it's not too indecent to join you so soon."
Sprawled out across the length of his bed, elbows propped on either side of the Transfiguration textbook he was absorbedly reading, Cecil didn't realize that Levi had climbed up his ladder until the other boy spoke and he jumped a little at the sound of his 'name'. But he recognized the warm voice and the playful tone immediately, so he was already smiling by the time his dark eyes had turned toward Levi. Except...what he had just said? A heart-to-heart? He hesitated, but only for a moment, before shifting and sitting up and folding his long legs to make room for the other boy.
"Of course, Levi," he said, his smile waning and softening despite his friend's teasing. He didn't know what this was about and he looked concerned, not even marking his place in the book as he closed it and set it aside on the pillow, "What's on your mind?"
Levi gave a light laugh as he caught the troubled expression on Cecil's face. "It's nothing bad, I promise," he reassured him, climbing the rest of the way up to perch beside him. "It's barely been-- what? Four days? Five? We haven't even gone on a proper date yet and I'm already trying to rope you in for A Talk to make sure we're on the same page. I talked to Diego today and--" He snickered, sitting up on his knees to reach for the hem of Cecil's privacy curtain before hesitating and looking back. "Is it okay if I close this or would you rather them open? Either's fine-- or we can go somewhere else if you'd be more comfortable?"
Still not entirely convinced and still not clear on what was coming (there were a lot of things to be or not be 'on the same page' about), Cecil was nevertheless coaxed into a small smile by Levi's reassurances and levity. He leaned back against the wall behind him and set his tense hands in his lap, teasing gently in return, "Five. Who knew you'd be so high maintenance?"
Then he paused again, seeming to give the question about the curtain a second or two of earnest thought. But Levi just wanted to talk. He nodded. "Here's fine. Go ahead and close it."
Levi nodded and drew the curtain closed before pulling out his wand to touch the tip to the fabric. "I'm just going to put a simple muffling charm on it so they can still hear us, just not what we're saying," he explained, trying very earnestly not to overstep any boundaries to the point where he was becoming overly-cautious of his every move. They had been friends for years and this wasn't the first time Levi had shimmied up into Cecil's bunk, but this new shift in their relationship left him with a slew of uncertainties. Cecil was nothing at all like Levi's previous conquests.
"I'm incredibly high maintenance, and you'll find I'm also very clingy and overexcitable," he finally quipped back, shifting to sit shoulder-to-shoulder, hip-to-hip next to Cecil. His hand found its resting spot on the other boy's knee. "Which is why I wanted to talk! Because my overexcitability over my Big Fat Crush on you may have hit peak levels after I asked you to the dance, and I may have blown everything out of proportion and overhyped the reality after I ran and told everyone that we were going together."
Levi leaned into Cecil, head bonking onto his shoulder, and he pinched the bridge of his nose as he laughed out loud. "And then Diego congratulating us made it sound like we were already dating, when really all I did was just ask you to a school dance. I had a little aside with him and it made me realize-- for once, I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I've only ever had flings before and it's clear you're not looking for that, but I'm not really sure what your expectations are for... us." He lowered his hand from his face to give a lazy wave, laughing again to break the tension. "It's only been five days and it feels like I'm jumping the gun and putting too much pressure on this already, but-- I think it's better to just have the talk way too early and be clear going forward than to make assumptions and mistakes because it felt awkward to bring it up."
Again, Cecil nodded. Closing the curtain and putting the charm in place did lend the relatively small space a sense of intimacy that he was much more aware of now than he might've been in the past, but that didn't make him too uncomfortable. The impending talk, though, still did and he fidgeted a little as Levi settled in beside him. Still, it felt good to be this close and Levi's hand settling on his knee was a pleasant minor distraction, bringing a hint of heat into his face as the other boy started to talk.
He had a lot to say and a lot of questions that Cecil had no immediate answer for, prompting his uncertainty to deepen and his dark eyes to lower. It had felt like things had jumped from a date to dating, or something like that, without the choice ever being made at all. In some ways, most ways even, that had felt amazing. But it had felt a little like being in freefall too. He was quiet for a moment after Levi had finished, then finally found his voice again. "I...don't know what my 'expectations' are," he admitted, looking up and directly into Levi's eyes with an expression that was earnest and affectionate and painfully awkward. "I've never. You know. Done this before? I'm not sure how this is supposed to go. I know things between us have changed and I like that they've changed and I like you." The color in his face, faint enough to be invisible before, intensified enough to make his cheeks subtly pink. "That doesn't help at all, does it? I'm sorry. I don't..."
Now it was his turn to laugh; it was a soft, shy, single note of sound. Then he shook his head. "You're not the only, you know? With a crush. So I guess it was easy for us to get carried away before we even started."
That gentle laugh caused Levi's heart to flutter and he lifted his hand from Cecil's knee to brush his fingertips against the heat of those rosy cheeks. "You're so..." he began in a quiet, breathy whisper, voice trailing off before he could complete the thought. There were too many words to fill that blank. Levi turned to sit facing him; both hands could explore his face now and he swept his thumb along a dusting of freckles. Carried away was an accurate descriptor.
A dreamy sigh escaped his parted lips before he attempted to speak again. It came as a tease this time, "You have a crush on me?" The thin fingers that brushed his cheeks lightly trailed down the length of Cecil's arm and took hold of his hand. Levi snickered. "What finally did it for you? It was the unlawful roof climbing followed by un-anonymous anonymous posting, wasn't it?"
The quality of Levi's voice left Cecil holding his breath for a moment; he'd never heard his friend sound like that before. He almost answered, though the words he might've used were immediately forgotten when the other boy touched his face with fingers that were slim and cool and unexpectedly gentle as they traced the contours of his cheeks. His dark eyes retreated again, flicking downward, even as he thoughtlessly angled his head and leaned carefully into the curve of Levi's hand.
It wasn't until that hand fell away that Cecil was able to answer, though he still didn't look up. "It wasn't any of that. I..." His lips thinned for a moment as he hesitated, but Levi had been honest so far and he wanted to be honest too. He squeezed the hand that had wrapped around his own, then continued. "When we first met. When were sophomores. I ...had it for your pretty bad. But we were friends. And I didn't want to mess that up. And I didn't think you'd ever think about me like that. So, I just. Tried not to think about you like that either."
A small, self-deprecating but genuinely happy smile touched Cecil's lips and he finally managed to lift his eyes. "I thought I was over you. But then you started all this and I just...I'm not."
Cecil's candid confession caught him off guard; it was Levi's turn to feel the uncomfortable heat rising in his cheeks and burning his ears. This was a rare phenomenon, but he didn't shy away. Levi was not shy. Instead, he lifted Cecil's hand to press the boy's palm to his own hammering heartbeat and held it firmly in place. His hands were beginning to sweat.
"My fucking heart," he breathed out, shoulders sharking from mirth as he showed Cecil the very meaning of his favored phrase. "I just-- I thought two, three weeks max-- but Sophomore year, wow." Levi shook his head in disbelief, letting out a quick little laugh. "It's no wonder I didn't have Seer potential if I couldn't even see what was right in front of me. I just placed you on a pretty pedestal so I could admire you without risk of causing any harm. Waiting. I thought the ideal time would be close to graduation but-- I'm glad it's now."
At first, Cecil didn't know what Levi was doing, but he allowed him to guide his hand and to hold his palm against his chest. Instantly, he could feel those quick staccato heartbeats and he understood because his heart was doing the same thing. "Your fucking heart," he agreed, tone quiet but playful as his smile deepened a little. Swear words weren't typically in the Head Boy's vocabulary, but he was feeling emboldened and was so caught up with the other boy that he didn't give that much thought at all. Then the expression waned and he shook his head. "I didn't want you to see it. Even with the journal stuff...I thought you were just teasing me. I mean, more than you were, I guess." Recalling some of what Levi had written now, as the two of them sat alone together in his bunk, he felt a renewed rush of embarrassment and finally drew his hand back. But it didn't go far, only leaving Levi's chest to find his hand again.
Levi's hands were longer than his, slimmer and finer and a touch softer, and he liked the way they fit together. Even if they weren't cool at all anymore. He was quiet for a moment, taking in the rest of what had been said, and his brow furrowed. "You...wanted to wait?" he asked, hesitating.
"I wanted to wait," Levi confirmed, squeezing Cecil's hand. His other hand found its way back to his knee, a tad bolder now as he stroked circles with his thumb. "Of course, I started liking you our Sophomore year the moment I found out you liked boys. -- But I also liked every other boy who liked boys and even some that didn't." He ducked his head sheepishly and chuckled to himself. Some things never change.
"You were already my friend by then and I cared about you too much to try to initiate anything. I was just a little baby bird, but even I had enough sense to see all the ways it could end badly. And then we'd still be cabin mates and we still had two more years left with each other so, for once, I just... didn't act on it. It started off as just a teensy crush, but then I found more and more things I loved about you and I was pretty enamored last year."
These intimate admissions brought on a thoughtful expression rather than a bashful one; Levi did not feel an ounce of shame in confessing his feelings and intentions. He carried on without pause, "But I'm a notorious troublemaker and you were a Prefect-- then the Head Boy-- and I would've been bad for your reputation. Having to exert authority over a romantic partner is way more stressful than telling your dumbass friend to stop smoking on the roof. But by waiting until right before graduation, it wouldn't matter because we could date like normal adults on an equal footing." He bit his lip in a grin and let out a quiet huff of a laugh. "Then my excitement over my Big Fat Crush and my need to sing your praises to the world caused me to run ahead of the schedule I may have been overthinking in the first place. I don't regret it. I would've realized my fuck up the moment anyone else asked you to the dance."
Cecil was quiet at first once Levi had finished. This was a lot to take in. It was surreal to know that this connection had existed between them for so long and that, without even realizing it, he could have missed it. Just let it pass him by because he'd been afraid of rejection or change or just not knowing what would happen. And Levi might have done the same because he'd been trying to protect their friendship and protect him and wait for that perfect moment to speak up which might never have come. It made what had actually happened, the events that had led them to this conversation, seem almost miraculous. "I think we've both been overthinking it," he said finally, "But I'm glad you didn't wait. I don't want to miss a chance for...something with you just because of what could happen."
The significance of these words, and the one he hadn't said, made Cecil's blush resurface in earnest and he squeezed Levi's hand. Then he lifted it and brought it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss into the other boy's skin, as if to prove this resolve to himself and to Levi. But he was still Cecil and he still had look away once the moment had passed. "So, we'll try?" he managed quietly, "Take it one day at a time?"
A chance for...? Cecil hadn't elaborated on the something, but it didn't matter; Levi's imagination was already running wild to fill in the something for him. A relationship? Love? Perhaps even... True Love??? Soft lips pressed to the back of his hand only sent him spiraling further out of control and visions of their cottage-slash-mansion-slash-bee farm in the North Dakota mountains flashed before his eyes. -- North Dakota had mountains, right?
Cecil's first question barely registered. Levi was caught staring at him with a dopey, slack-jawed expression, corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards. His eyes fluttered back to focus, honing in on Cecil's lips as he spoke, and his tongue quickly flit over his own lips to wet them. "One day at a time," he agreed easily; Levi's overeagerness and penchant for impulse made it easy to make several days' progress in the span of that one day. Their own bee farm was just out of reach.
Levi reached out for the heat of Cecil's cheeks again, lightly brushing along his jawline until he lifted a slender finger under his chin to angle his face toward him. He would have taken his first kiss right then if he hadn't stopped to muse on why he hadn't taken it earlier. The reason for why quickly resurfaced, clearing his head of haze and causing his stomach to flop.
Oh. Right. There was the other far less romantic topic he had been saving for last. Stealing his special moment just before it would be cruel.
Changing course, he lifted himself up just slightly to press a quick, chaste kiss to Cecil's forehead instead. There was no easy way to transition from that point and he offered an apologetic smile for the sudden and ungraceful shift from the tender mood. "Sorry-- There's just one more important thing we need to be clear on before we go any further. Especially if this something becomes a serious something, and I have a sneaking suspicion that you're not the fling type."
It was best to just drive straight into it. "Monogamy? For all our differences in experience, we have one thing in common: neither of us have had actual boyfriends." He let that sink in for a moment before proceeding, "I always knew that being with you would mean monogamy and I was always willing, but that was also part of the reason why I wanted to wait. I've been in a long-term..." He waggled his fingers, trying to find the word. Relationship had too many romantic implications to it for the unusual bond that they shared, "Arrangement with Chris and we haven't broken it off yet. We haven't been intimate since I asked you to the dance," Diego's offer to let Chris sleep in his bunk instead of Levi's after the LGK incident thwarted that plan, "But I was wondering if you would be comfortable with me continuing to see him until we decide if we want to be serious?" Levi tried to lighten it with a laugh, "We haven't even been on a single date yet. You could decide you hate my cigarette smell, or realize I look like a complete douchebag when I vape."
Cecil allowed Levi to caress his face again and his heart leapt when his chin was tilted upward in a subtle but significant gesture that even he could recognize. Or thought he could. The sense of anticipation was immediate and he found himself wondering what it might be like to kiss Levi. How it would feel and how it would taste and if he was even ready...then the moment passed, concluded with a soft and entirely different sort of kiss on his brow. He exhaled a shaky breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding and tried not to let his renewed uncertainty show as the conversation turned.
He nodded and listened and tried not to wince as that one more important thing struck him like a punch to the stomach. While he had always known that Levi flirted freely and engaged in casual physical relationships with some of the other boys from time to time, he hadn't actually considered that he might be involved in one now. Not with Chris or anyone else. The question of monogamy or...not had never been a question.
The impulse to draw away came on suddenly and he almost did it. After the intimate conversations and mutual confessions of the last few minutes, which had made him feel understood and wanted and connected, this hurt. Except...Levi was right. No matter how quickly all of this had seemed to happen, there hadn't even been a date yet. This had barely started. Levi wasn't his boyfriend and he had no right to tell him what he could or couldn't do. Who he could or couldn't see. Did he? And, even if he did, Levi'd just said he would end things when the time came. If the time came. So he needed to stop this and he needed to say something. He forced a wan smile and managed to meet Levi's eyes long enough to answer quietly, trying to sound casual, "Yeah. Yeah, of course. If you...want to, you should." Despite what he said, it was obvious that he wasn't 'comfortable'. But it was also obvious that he was trying to be. He knew what Levi wanted to hear. "Until we know what we want."
It was absolutely the answer Levi wanted to hear, but it wasn't hard to tell that Cecil's yes meant no. The selfish part of him was willing to accept Cecil's spoken agreement as consent to carry on as he pleased; to try for one last hurrah with Chris until the inevitable. But it wasn't right, and it wasn't fair, and Levi had already seemed to cause some unintentional emotional damage with Chris through his careless reveal of his latest and greatest conquest.
"Only if you're sure? Are you sure you're fine with it?" he pressed, though admittedly not too hard. Levi tried in earnest to soften the blow that had already been dealt. "Chris is already aware of my feelings for you and he already knows that I'm taking you to the dance and what that implies." At least... Levi assumed. "I'm going to have a heart-to-heart with him to let him know what my intentions are with you, just to make sure I'm as transparent as possible. I just don't want to blindside anybody more than I already have."
Cecil swallowed and let that feigned smile fade since Levi could almost certainly see through it anyway. "Yeah," he repeated, a little more conviction in his voice, "I'm sure." And, even though it hurt, a small part of him actually was. He didn't want Levi to stop seeing other people because he'd forced him to or even because he'd asked him to. However things ended up going, that needed to be his choice.
He was quiet then, really thinking about Chris for the first time since Levi had said his name. The boy was always so volatile, always so sharp-tongued and quick to anger, that he'd always found it difficult to know him. He spent more time scolding Chris over the years than he had getting to know him, it seemed, and he had no clue what such a conversation might sound like. If the Coppertale would care. He...hoped he didn't.
Finally, he gave a small nod. "I think being honest's best for all of us."
Levi showed a genuine smile and cupped Cecil's cheek in one hand before leaning in to press a kiss to the other. "I think so, too," he murmured, slipping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug. Cecil was soft, and warm, and his presence had always incited comfort but the newness mixed in a dose of thrill. Levi knew subtlety, but didn't care for it; he buried his face into the crook of Cecil's neck and inhaled his scent. The goosebumps rose on his arms. He was going too far, too fast, and he knew. He lifted his chin to rest on the other boy's shoulder, still holding him tight in his embrace, before offering an out, "If you need to get back to studying, I won't keep you."
While Cecil couldn't put that last topic out of his mind, not completely, he welcomed the return of these gentle touches and leaned closer when Levi pulled him into an embrace. Slowly, his arms folded around the slimmer boy and, when Levi unexpectedly pressed into the curve of his neck, that hold tightened for just a moment and he exhaled a shaky breath. This had already gone farther than he'd expected and, while he didn't know whether or not he actually want to stop, apprehension and shyness and inexperience kept him from responding immediately.
The sudden, unexpected mention of studying, though, made Cecil blink and utter a small, startled laugh as he looked down at Levi. "You think I could study right now anyway?" he asked quietly, knowing that he couldn't. He needed some time to come back down to earth first. Get his head straight. Though Levi's out had prompted the first step of that already. He paused, then pursed his lips for a moment, and smiled softly. And apologetically. And gratefully. "Do you...want to walk down to the lodge with me? Get some air? ...Get some hot chocolate? Since I still need to redeem myself after that makeshift mess on the camping trip."
Levi nodded and pulled back, dotting him on the nose affectionately before turning and drawing back the curtains. The cool rush of air that filled their space was a welcome relief from the stagnant heat they had generated while in there. "I liked that makeshift mess. Could've used a bit more lake water to balance out the dirt, though," he jested, retrieving his wand and sliding off the side of Cecil's bunk. Pivoting on a heel, he turned to look back up to Cecil, hand extending, fingers waggling. "Buddy system. Everybuddy find a buddy." He'd need to be safely escorted across the room to retrieve his shoes before they could go, but boy was he ready.
Relief and disappointment mingled together in the moment that Levi pulled back, but Cecil he didn't regret the decision and he recoiled with a soft laugh as the other boy made a playful poke at his nose. Then he looked at him with an expression of unambiguous and very real affection. "More lake water," he agreed after a pause, shaking his head and lightly tapping his fingers against his forehead as he continued with feigned exasperation, "Of course. What was I thinking?"
He didn't need help down from the bunk, but was happy to take Levi's hand anyway before he hopped down. Given the choice, he'd hold it all the way to the lodge.
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gooseberryhigh2016-10-25 01:18 pm
