(no subject)

[nothalfplaid]

Got to give it to O’Hare, that was definitely educational.

You boys experts in lighting a fire with a condom yet? What about using one as a tourniquet?

[Heathcliff]

So, my dad If I didn’t go to school here anymore would

It’s a testament to your character that you haven’t died in embarrassment after that. Unless you have. In which case, requiescat in pace.

[Junior Coppergirls]

During the lock in my dad What should

Do you think they make Erumpent based perfumes? I bet getting one for O’Hare would net some extra credit in Magizoology.

[Cash]

[...] Indulge me in a thought exercise, if you don’t mind.

If you could leave Gooseberry, would you?

Comments

[longcons]

A tourniquet for a banana.

[ Fern ]
Okay. [..............] And go where?

[nothalfplaid]

I hear those bleed a lot.

[Cash]

A different school. Normal one.

[longcons]

And condoms are less than effective at applying pressure. You see, they stretch.

FERN
A good question. I think [ .............. ] it would have to be normal and better. Not just normal. Therein lies the issue. [...] And yourself? [...] Hypothetically, of course.

[nothalfplaid]

Maybe, but what else do hopeful boys carry in their wallets?

[Cash]

Define better.

[...] I'm not sure. There are a lot of pros and cons.

[heathclifflacey]

It's a work in progress!

[Fern]

It was a CLOSE CALL. I think your dad hates me. [...] How was yours?

[nothalfplaid]

You practicing then?

[Heathcliff]

Did you see your life flash before your eyes?

Oh mine was great.

[heathclifflacey]

I mean. Not RIGHT NOW.

[Fern]

[...] Now that you mention it. MAYBE.

SERIOUSLY? Why?

[nothalfplaid]

Don't worry, I'll help you with your condom [...] fire.

[Heathcliff]

Close call then. You think he's disappointed he didn't finish you off?

Nothing I haven't heard before, and I get to watch everyone else squirm.

[ashworthless]

I could survive in the wilderness with just this kit for three full days. Thanks.

[heathclifflacey]

For sure. If you can survive being Mufferaw's right-hand man, you can survive ANYTHING.

[ashworthless]

Alternately, I'm dead already. I might be.

[heathclifflacey]

Good handwriting for a ZOMBIE.

[nothalfplaid]

Want me to teach you how to use tampons as a survival tool? I could stretch it to a week, easy.

[ashworthless]

Yes. Is that what you guys learned today?

[nothalfplaid]

No. We learned about erumpent "explosions".

Want me to teach you?

[pintsizedsass]

They got to learn how to use condoms as tourniquets and fire fuel and we got erumpent musk?!

[Coppertale Junior Girls]
Merlin I hope not. I’d think she’d already have some if they made it.

[lilwitchhazel]

Yeah, they should really teach us how to set things on fire with sex things too.

[Coppertale Junior Girls]

Nooooooo Ana you should hope they DO because I bet it'd make her super happy.

[nothalfplaid]

I'll be glad to fill you guys in on it.

[Coppertale Junior Girls]

She deserves all the nice things.

[lilwitchhazel]

PLEASE, I need to know these things for survival reasons, and also so I can show up more boys when I leave Gooseberry.

[Coppertale Junior Girls]

Agreed 100%. I wonder if we could just make our own - Cole's step-mom makes perfume~

[bubblewrapped]

None of us will die of exposure, but embarrassment might take us.

[nothalfplaid]

That bad?

[bubblewrapped]

Webster had some very enlightening questions about bacteria.

[nothalfplaid]

Shit. Next year, I'm going to dress as a boy and sit in the back. I bet it would be even more fun to watch all of you squirm than the girls.

[magitechnically]

If I promise not to do any of that stuff, do you think I can skip it next year???

[nothalfplaid]

Zero chance.