Diego Morales is a leaky indie folk faucet. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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gooseberryhigh2016-10-30 11:22 am
indiefolk) wrote in gooseberryhigh2016-10-30 11:22 am
Entry tags:
REASSURANCE
Who: Cecil Honeychurch & Diego Morales
When: Saturday, October 29, after returning from the senior bonding from hell.
Where: Azurcest campsite, outside the senior boys' cabin.
What: Cecil and Diego talk about the state of Cecil's relationship with Levi.
Warnings: Smells like teenspirit angst.
When: Saturday, October 29, after returning from the senior bonding from hell.
Where: Azurcest campsite, outside the senior boys' cabin.
What: Cecil and Diego talk about the state of Cecil's relationship with Levi.
Warnings: Smells like teen
Diego leaned over the edge of the balcony and looked straight down the rocky cliff until the vertigo hit and forced him to pull back. The thrill in his chest died a little as he heard footsteps approach. He knew things were bad when being a decent friend was such a depressing experience.
"Ready for this totally scary talk I over-hyped?" he teased as he turned to face Cecil.
Standing in the doorway with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and a slightly uncertain smile on his face, Cecil gave a small nod, "Ready as I'll ever be." He didn't go out too far on the balcony before sitting down in one of the chairs; he couldn't get close the rail like Diego was and he definitely couldn't look over. That feeling of vertigo would almost certainly make him freeze up and might even make him ill. In some ways, Azurcrest really wasn't the place for him. He pulled in a breath and, while his smile weakened a little, he still managed to hold onto it when he asked, "So...what's going on?"
Diego sat back on the handrail and smiled sadly at Cecil. Sometimes he felt like he knew every possible expression Cecil could make down to the tiniest details, but he'd been fooling himself. He'd never seen Cecil look at him the way he looked at Levi. However, this right here was a face Diego knew well: the barely contained worry rising in his throat, the way his broad smile tightened his face and made it look like the effort to keep it up weighed a little too much. That was a smile that Diego earned often, unfortunately.
"I talked to Levi a little while ago, and he said that you two talked about him still... seeing other guys?" Diego ventured, deciding to cut right to the chase. "Uh, since you're unofficial. Technically."
Unprepared for this, Cecil flinched very faintly and lowered his dark eyes. He still didn't like the arrangement and, despite all the ways he'd been able to justify it in his mind, it still felt wrong. Especially after a day spent holding hands and walking close together and talking about everything. Even Maggie had said they'd looked like a couple. He swallowed before finding his voice and looking back at Diego with a small shrug. "Yeah. I mean, we haven't even gone out yet. Really. And it's not my place to..." He shrugged again, attempting to act casual about it and move past the point. "Why?"
"Because the second I heard it, I knew you hated it," Diego said, maybe a little more pointedly than he should have. He'd already told Levi what he thought about it, and made his weak proclamations of don't-you-dare-break-Cecil's-heart, but the frustration still felt fresh. His hands tightened painfully on the railing, but he kept up his lopsided smile even as it veered into incredulous.
"Why did you tell him you were okay with that?" Diego pressed, almost pleadingly.
Cecil just stared at Diego for a moment, the remnants of his composed expression lost to genuine surprise and a faintly visible ache. It wasn't often that the other Azurcrest took that tone with him and he couldn't actually deny that Diego was right. "I..." he began quietly, then shook his head. He didn't seem able to answer until he lowered his eyes. "I don't like it. But I can't tell Levi what he should or shouldn't do. I don't want to. I want him to want to be with me. Just me. You know? But I have to give him the chance to get there. Give us both time to figure out if that's something we want." Though, really, he already knew that he wanted to try. Anyone that had seen him with Levi the previous day would know that.
"Part of that whole figuring one another out thing is saying what you want. What you actually want." Diego let go with one hand just to gesture broadly. If the heartbreak didn't kill him, this charade about Cecil and Levi just testing the waters might. Cecil's uncertain, pained eyes as he looked away lanced right through Diego. It made him feel weak, but somehow bolstered his resolve anyway. "It's not telling him what to do, it's telling him what it takes to be with you. I mean, it doesn't even matter anymore since he and Chris are done, but I'm just afraid you're going to get hurt. And Levi doesn't want to hurt you."
Still looking down at the wooden planks of the balcony instead of at the other boy, Cecil didn't answer immediately. What Diego was saying now made sense, but...what Levi'd said had made sense back on that night in the dorm too. And now he wasn't sure at all. He was about to answer, but then Diego said something he hadn't expected and he looked up, brows furrowed in confused surprise. "Levi...ended things with Chris?" he asked quietly, clearly hearing this news for the first
Diego stared back at Cecil, mirroring his confusion as the situation registered.
"He didn't tell you?"
Slowly, Cecil shook his head and then surprised himself by exhaling a tight breath and smiling a little. It wasn't a simple smile, there was still too much he didn't know for that, but it was genuine and relieved. "No," he admitted, unable to imagine why Levi would have kept this to himself, "No. He didn't tell me." He touched the back of his neck, his mind returning to the previous day's events and lingering there. Maybe this was why Levi had been so attentive to him. Maybe this was why he'd been so sweet and ridiculous and affectionate. He didn't know what to say, except, "Do you...think this means he wants to...?"
Diego saw clearly that Levi's failure to mention what was going on wasn't dampening Cecil's spirit. Cecil was smitten, and all he heard was that Levi was free and single and soon to be his. Diego forced his breathing to stay steady and even. Normal. Not weird. Don't be weird. Don't be fucking weird, Diego, for God's sake. He wanted to scream, or maybe just lean back, so far that he'd topple backwards over the railing.
"Yeah," he forced himself to say, hoping that his mixed emotions passed for loving exasperation. "You should really be hearing this from him, but yeah. He realized asking you to let him keep going with Chris was a bad idea, and that he had to end it."
Cecil's smile deepened a little more and now it was simple, though he'd lowered his eyes again and was offering the expression mostly to the ground as a hint of color rose in his cheeks. He nodded a little, knowing that this wasn't a certainty but hoping. "I'm sure he would've said something eventually. You know how he scattered he can be," he said, obviously trusting that this was true and giving their friend the benefit of the doubt as he almost always did. Finally, he looked up at Diego again, "But thank you for not making me wait."
He paused then, drawing his hand back from his neck and continuing to wear that smitten smile. He was glowing. Still, being over the moon didn't make him completely oblivious, at least not when it came to his friends, and he added gratefully, "I...understand what you mean, though. I'll be honest with him. About what I feel and what I need. Even if it's hard. So you don't need to worry."
It was so like Cecil to offer excuses for Levi, or any of his friends, really. Diego had benefited from that tendency in the past. Diego wasn't a horrible cheating monster whose lust for attention could never be sated, he was just a little clueless and impulsive. So, accordingly, he couldn't get mad at that. He couldn't get mad at anything. He longed for the day when he'd reach a point where he wouldn't have any feelings about this at all.
"If it's all the same to you, I'm going to keep worrying," he said, voice breathy with resignation. "But thank you. I love Levi, but I'll love him a lot less if you end up crying on my shoulder about something he did."
Diego exhaled, and took in how happy Cecil was. It was a kind of light and warmth he'd die to be the subject of. This was the right decision, for both of his friends. "I know he'll never do anything to hurt you on purpose, though. So before you go run off to find him, promise me you really will be honest with him? I want to hear you say the word 'promise'."
This, finally, was enough to wrest Cecil from his lovesick bliss and he frowned, exhaling his friend's name on a gentle, worried breath, "Diego." He shook his head, then continued, attempting to reassure him because the last thing he wanted to do was leave Diego worried or unhappy or thinking that he'd done the wrong thing. "It's not....if things don't work out between Levi and me, it won't be like that. He won't hurt me. And...I promise. I promise I'll be honest with him."
"Thanks." Diego smiled a little easier now. He didn't believe all of that, at least not as complete guarantees or absolute truths, but he knew Cecil did, and so did Levi. He could have faked cynicism and echoed Chris' statements about highschool sweethearts rarely lasting (Levi's parents were divorced), or reminded Cecil that he never thought he was going to hurt Tabitha either, but... there was no point. It was just bitterness, and Diego didn't do bitter very well. "But, you know, if something does happen, I'm your sounding board. Don't keep it to yourself."
Cecil sighed softly and found that he could smile back now that Diego was. His friend still seemed like he wanted to protect him, but that was just how he was and Cecil was grateful for that, even if it was unnecessary. "Yeah," he agreed, "I know. I know I can always talk to you." Even if he rarely did without some pushing. As open as he tried to be and as transparent as he often was without meaning to be, he tried to keep the worst of his feelings to himself because he didn't want those to impact his friends. And they both knew that.
Then he stood up and took a few steps in Diego's direction before he stopped. He eyed the rail behind his friend and pulled in a breath and grinned apologetically before asking, "Could you...?" It was clear what he intended, a firm hug and a sincere expression of gratitude for his best friend. But he really didn't want to get any closer to the edge of the balcony and that view of a very long drop.
Diego laughed guiltily, and glanced over his shoulder at the expanse of nothing and the forest beyond it. This was really a bad setup for poor, acrophobic Cecil. Diego pushed himself off the railing, and didn't wait for Cecil to initiate the hug. With that small amount of momentum he closed the distance between them quickly, and threw his arms around Cecil's neck.
"I'm happy for you," he muttered solemnly, and pressed his forehead and glasses into Cecil's collarbone. "No matter what happens, that's the truth, alright?"
Relieved and grateful, Cecil laughed softly too and folded his arms firmly around Diego the instant he was near enough. "Thanks, Diego. For that. And...for everything." The embrace went on for a few moments in silence before he finally released the smaller boy and then he added earnestly, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Diego wrinkled his nose and grinned up at Cecil. His hands had slid down to rest on Cecil's arms just above his elbows, where he gave him one last quick squeeze. "You'd be fine."
A selfish impulse pulled at Diego to do more, say something, stop pretending, but he didn't do any of that. Instead, he let go and shoved his hands in his pockets. Diego carefully moved past Cecil, back towards the door to their cabin to get his guitar. "I should probably get going. I've got a buddy waiting on me to get out to the lodge."
"Not a chance," Cecil answered warmly, tone simultaneously playful and sincere. Because he really didn't know what he'd do without Diego, especially after moments like these when his support made Cecil feel grounded and certain and reassured. He watched the other boy as he drew back, about to suggest that they go up to the lodge, maybe grab some lunch and try to do a little more research on the ley line, when Diego clarified that he had other places to be. Surprised but not put off by the revelation, he adapted and nodded his understanding and smiled, "Sure. We'll catch up later. And...really. Thanks."
Diego paused in his retreat and turned around to face Cecil, leaning on the corner of the cabin. Now that the light from the sky was behind Cecil, it almost gave him a halo as it caught in his hair. Diego let his cheek rest on the wood, and admired for just a second or two. Whatever face he was making, it wasn't quite a smile.
"You're welcome," Diego said right before he left, slipping out of Cecil's view.
"Ready for this totally scary talk I over-hyped?" he teased as he turned to face Cecil.
Standing in the doorway with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and a slightly uncertain smile on his face, Cecil gave a small nod, "Ready as I'll ever be." He didn't go out too far on the balcony before sitting down in one of the chairs; he couldn't get close the rail like Diego was and he definitely couldn't look over. That feeling of vertigo would almost certainly make him freeze up and might even make him ill. In some ways, Azurcrest really wasn't the place for him. He pulled in a breath and, while his smile weakened a little, he still managed to hold onto it when he asked, "So...what's going on?"
Diego sat back on the handrail and smiled sadly at Cecil. Sometimes he felt like he knew every possible expression Cecil could make down to the tiniest details, but he'd been fooling himself. He'd never seen Cecil look at him the way he looked at Levi. However, this right here was a face Diego knew well: the barely contained worry rising in his throat, the way his broad smile tightened his face and made it look like the effort to keep it up weighed a little too much. That was a smile that Diego earned often, unfortunately.
"I talked to Levi a little while ago, and he said that you two talked about him still... seeing other guys?" Diego ventured, deciding to cut right to the chase. "Uh, since you're unofficial. Technically."
Unprepared for this, Cecil flinched very faintly and lowered his dark eyes. He still didn't like the arrangement and, despite all the ways he'd been able to justify it in his mind, it still felt wrong. Especially after a day spent holding hands and walking close together and talking about everything. Even Maggie had said they'd looked like a couple. He swallowed before finding his voice and looking back at Diego with a small shrug. "Yeah. I mean, we haven't even gone out yet. Really. And it's not my place to..." He shrugged again, attempting to act casual about it and move past the point. "Why?"
"Because the second I heard it, I knew you hated it," Diego said, maybe a little more pointedly than he should have. He'd already told Levi what he thought about it, and made his weak proclamations of don't-you-dare-break-Cecil's-heart, but the frustration still felt fresh. His hands tightened painfully on the railing, but he kept up his lopsided smile even as it veered into incredulous.
"Why did you tell him you were okay with that?" Diego pressed, almost pleadingly.
Cecil just stared at Diego for a moment, the remnants of his composed expression lost to genuine surprise and a faintly visible ache. It wasn't often that the other Azurcrest took that tone with him and he couldn't actually deny that Diego was right. "I..." he began quietly, then shook his head. He didn't seem able to answer until he lowered his eyes. "I don't like it. But I can't tell Levi what he should or shouldn't do. I don't want to. I want him to want to be with me. Just me. You know? But I have to give him the chance to get there. Give us both time to figure out if that's something we want." Though, really, he already knew that he wanted to try. Anyone that had seen him with Levi the previous day would know that.
"Part of that whole figuring one another out thing is saying what you want. What you actually want." Diego let go with one hand just to gesture broadly. If the heartbreak didn't kill him, this charade about Cecil and Levi just testing the waters might. Cecil's uncertain, pained eyes as he looked away lanced right through Diego. It made him feel weak, but somehow bolstered his resolve anyway. "It's not telling him what to do, it's telling him what it takes to be with you. I mean, it doesn't even matter anymore since he and Chris are done, but I'm just afraid you're going to get hurt. And Levi doesn't want to hurt you."
Still looking down at the wooden planks of the balcony instead of at the other boy, Cecil didn't answer immediately. What Diego was saying now made sense, but...what Levi'd said had made sense back on that night in the dorm too. And now he wasn't sure at all. He was about to answer, but then Diego said something he hadn't expected and he looked up, brows furrowed in confused surprise. "Levi...ended things with Chris?" he asked quietly, clearly hearing this news for the first
Diego stared back at Cecil, mirroring his confusion as the situation registered.
"He didn't tell you?"
Slowly, Cecil shook his head and then surprised himself by exhaling a tight breath and smiling a little. It wasn't a simple smile, there was still too much he didn't know for that, but it was genuine and relieved. "No," he admitted, unable to imagine why Levi would have kept this to himself, "No. He didn't tell me." He touched the back of his neck, his mind returning to the previous day's events and lingering there. Maybe this was why Levi had been so attentive to him. Maybe this was why he'd been so sweet and ridiculous and affectionate. He didn't know what to say, except, "Do you...think this means he wants to...?"
Diego saw clearly that Levi's failure to mention what was going on wasn't dampening Cecil's spirit. Cecil was smitten, and all he heard was that Levi was free and single and soon to be his. Diego forced his breathing to stay steady and even. Normal. Not weird. Don't be weird. Don't be fucking weird, Diego, for God's sake. He wanted to scream, or maybe just lean back, so far that he'd topple backwards over the railing.
"Yeah," he forced himself to say, hoping that his mixed emotions passed for loving exasperation. "You should really be hearing this from him, but yeah. He realized asking you to let him keep going with Chris was a bad idea, and that he had to end it."
Cecil's smile deepened a little more and now it was simple, though he'd lowered his eyes again and was offering the expression mostly to the ground as a hint of color rose in his cheeks. He nodded a little, knowing that this wasn't a certainty but hoping. "I'm sure he would've said something eventually. You know how he scattered he can be," he said, obviously trusting that this was true and giving their friend the benefit of the doubt as he almost always did. Finally, he looked up at Diego again, "But thank you for not making me wait."
He paused then, drawing his hand back from his neck and continuing to wear that smitten smile. He was glowing. Still, being over the moon didn't make him completely oblivious, at least not when it came to his friends, and he added gratefully, "I...understand what you mean, though. I'll be honest with him. About what I feel and what I need. Even if it's hard. So you don't need to worry."
It was so like Cecil to offer excuses for Levi, or any of his friends, really. Diego had benefited from that tendency in the past. Diego wasn't a horrible cheating monster whose lust for attention could never be sated, he was just a little clueless and impulsive. So, accordingly, he couldn't get mad at that. He couldn't get mad at anything. He longed for the day when he'd reach a point where he wouldn't have any feelings about this at all.
"If it's all the same to you, I'm going to keep worrying," he said, voice breathy with resignation. "But thank you. I love Levi, but I'll love him a lot less if you end up crying on my shoulder about something he did."
Diego exhaled, and took in how happy Cecil was. It was a kind of light and warmth he'd die to be the subject of. This was the right decision, for both of his friends. "I know he'll never do anything to hurt you on purpose, though. So before you go run off to find him, promise me you really will be honest with him? I want to hear you say the word 'promise'."
This, finally, was enough to wrest Cecil from his lovesick bliss and he frowned, exhaling his friend's name on a gentle, worried breath, "Diego." He shook his head, then continued, attempting to reassure him because the last thing he wanted to do was leave Diego worried or unhappy or thinking that he'd done the wrong thing. "It's not....if things don't work out between Levi and me, it won't be like that. He won't hurt me. And...I promise. I promise I'll be honest with him."
"Thanks." Diego smiled a little easier now. He didn't believe all of that, at least not as complete guarantees or absolute truths, but he knew Cecil did, and so did Levi. He could have faked cynicism and echoed Chris' statements about highschool sweethearts rarely lasting (Levi's parents were divorced), or reminded Cecil that he never thought he was going to hurt Tabitha either, but... there was no point. It was just bitterness, and Diego didn't do bitter very well. "But, you know, if something does happen, I'm your sounding board. Don't keep it to yourself."
Cecil sighed softly and found that he could smile back now that Diego was. His friend still seemed like he wanted to protect him, but that was just how he was and Cecil was grateful for that, even if it was unnecessary. "Yeah," he agreed, "I know. I know I can always talk to you." Even if he rarely did without some pushing. As open as he tried to be and as transparent as he often was without meaning to be, he tried to keep the worst of his feelings to himself because he didn't want those to impact his friends. And they both knew that.
Then he stood up and took a few steps in Diego's direction before he stopped. He eyed the rail behind his friend and pulled in a breath and grinned apologetically before asking, "Could you...?" It was clear what he intended, a firm hug and a sincere expression of gratitude for his best friend. But he really didn't want to get any closer to the edge of the balcony and that view of a very long drop.
Diego laughed guiltily, and glanced over his shoulder at the expanse of nothing and the forest beyond it. This was really a bad setup for poor, acrophobic Cecil. Diego pushed himself off the railing, and didn't wait for Cecil to initiate the hug. With that small amount of momentum he closed the distance between them quickly, and threw his arms around Cecil's neck.
"I'm happy for you," he muttered solemnly, and pressed his forehead and glasses into Cecil's collarbone. "No matter what happens, that's the truth, alright?"
Relieved and grateful, Cecil laughed softly too and folded his arms firmly around Diego the instant he was near enough. "Thanks, Diego. For that. And...for everything." The embrace went on for a few moments in silence before he finally released the smaller boy and then he added earnestly, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Diego wrinkled his nose and grinned up at Cecil. His hands had slid down to rest on Cecil's arms just above his elbows, where he gave him one last quick squeeze. "You'd be fine."
A selfish impulse pulled at Diego to do more, say something, stop pretending, but he didn't do any of that. Instead, he let go and shoved his hands in his pockets. Diego carefully moved past Cecil, back towards the door to their cabin to get his guitar. "I should probably get going. I've got a buddy waiting on me to get out to the lodge."
"Not a chance," Cecil answered warmly, tone simultaneously playful and sincere. Because he really didn't know what he'd do without Diego, especially after moments like these when his support made Cecil feel grounded and certain and reassured. He watched the other boy as he drew back, about to suggest that they go up to the lodge, maybe grab some lunch and try to do a little more research on the ley line, when Diego clarified that he had other places to be. Surprised but not put off by the revelation, he adapted and nodded his understanding and smiled, "Sure. We'll catch up later. And...really. Thanks."
Diego paused in his retreat and turned around to face Cecil, leaning on the corner of the cabin. Now that the light from the sky was behind Cecil, it almost gave him a halo as it caught in his hair. Diego let his cheek rest on the wood, and admired for just a second or two. Whatever face he was making, it wasn't quite a smile.
"You're welcome," Diego said right before he left, slipping out of Cecil's view.
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this was adorable and heart-wrenching. can somebody please write an angry fighting scene to balance it out? please and thank you.
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Also, hey, we followed this up immediately with the anon post which as a lot of angry fighting YOU'RE WELCOME
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hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my hhhheeeartttt
also "He could have faked cynicism and echoed Chris' statements about highschool sweethearts rarely lasting (Levi's parents were divorced)"
YUPPPPP. YUPPPP. YUPPPP.
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