Early post for 3/7

[sovain]

[Warded to Senior Azurbabes + Iliya + Wilde]
Okay, I have never been in love before. Never. I have never wanted to be and never cared to know what it was like, that shit is messy and complicated and I've been fine as a free woman doing who and what I please. Then I met Phin, and I have developed a lot of stupid feelings. We both care a lot about each other though, so we've been doing great and having fun despite my anxiety.

Now ever since the amortentia experiment my heart has started a slow journey to cardiac arrest. While I acted like a straight up crazy fool, I don't think all of the feelings I experienced that day were fake. I think I really do love Phin and I am FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!!! Neither of us signed up for this, I felt like I was screwing up already just because I cared so much about him, but now this..? Oh HELL no! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I DON'T DO THIS, OKAY. I DON'T DO LOVE, I DON'T DO ROMANCE! FUCK. Panicking. Heart attack. I'm going to die. Every time I see him I feel like someone has punched me with a load of lovey dovey romance songs, I can't do this. Running away to Russia sounds like a good idea, right? God damnit, but I'd miss him. DO ANY OF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW? Fuccccck, someone sedate me.

[OOC: If you reply to this post you're agreeing to be part of a failed ward.]

Comments

Ward

[iliya]

Sofia? Are you alr

[...] Breathe. You should breathe.

Ward

[sovain]

I'm trying but this is the WORST.

Ward

[iliya]

[.....] You do not think he would want [...] this?

Ward

[sovain]

No. I don't know. I'm pretty certain this would be pushing him over the limit, I've already laid so much crap on him as it is.

Ward

[iliya]

Maybe. I do not know him. His family

[...] But he cares for you, yes? He would not want to hurt you.

Ward

[addytives]

Heyyyy it’s ok.
Love can be confusing but GOOD!
You don’t have to like. Work out exactly what you feel RIGHT NOW, you know??
Don’t be too hard on yourself. ENJOY it

Ward

[sovain]

It's hard when I don't know if this is going totally screw things up, you know? I have been happy, like, really happy and now I'm... freaking. I don't know how to do this.

Ward

[addytives]

I don't think there's anything to know, bb. It's NOT gonna screw things up. You can't help how you feel.Just [...] go with your instincts. They're smarter than you know. And talk to him. Like. If he's gonna be stupid about how you feel, then he doesn't deserve you anyway.

Ward

[sovain]

Maybe I could just keep it to myself? Then everything goes on as it has and it'd be fine. Yeah, maybe he wouldn't but it wouldn't change how I feel unfortunately.

Ward

[lilipad]

What does love mean to you? Like, what's DIFFERENT?

Ward

[sovain]

I don't know, but.. the thought of being away from him long makes me physically ache. He makes me happier than I have ever been and I care about his well being and feelings and I want to make him happy. I'd do anything for him. I told him I'd run away with him and I'm completely serious about it. This sounds so vomity, but I can see myself always being with him.

Ward

[lilipad]

Oooh, that sounds so niiice! [...] But I gather you don’t think it feels so nice. Are you scared he doesn’t feel the same way?

Ward

[sovain]

It's scary really. Yeah, I have unloaded so many feelings as it is and told him I really like him, and he likes me and everything too but this is just different. This is too serious.

Ward

[riledup]

i kind of feel like that when i eat pasta is it like that

Ward

[sovain]

It's more like the feeling you get if you were to jump off something really high and your stomach got al weird from that.

Ward

[riledup]

oh fuckin dope

Ward

[sovain]

Girl, not this time. I am a wreck.

Sofia/Wilde

[destructobot]

[ooc: i'm aware this ward will also fail, it's just like him to reply separately]

Love is weird.

But maybe --
The worst of this is just like, fucking anxiety over not knowing where he stands or whatever?

Have you talked to him?

Sofia/Wilde

[sovain]

I am crossing all of my fingers on that, but I really don't know. I already feel like I've put so much on him and I hate myself for getting this way. Like I've just unloaded so much emotional crap and I don't know how he's dealt with it cause I am such a MESS. The last thing he needs is for me to add the dreaded L word on top of it all.

I sorta mentioned after I thought the amortentia wore off that I was still feeing weird but he shrugged it off. Haven't talked about it since, I've mostly been internally freaking out.

Sofia/Wilde

[destructobot]

Shrugged it off like how?

I don't know him, but--
a) You're probably way less of a mess than you think you are, and
b) If he didn't like you, he wouldn't still be around.

Sofia/Wilde

[sovain]

Like said the amortentia was still wearing off and not to worry, I think.

Wilde, you know me better than most. This is not me. This is a total mess.
He does like me, I know that much. But there's liking someone and then there's love and I really don't want to overwhelm him with this shit and scare him off. If it were me, I'd probably run. I already want to run.

Ward

[princeprincess]

The love thing's not so bad once you let it happen.

Ward

[sovain]

I don't know about that. I think this is too much.

Ward

[princeprincess]

It's not as scary or as wild as it seems. It's [...] comfortable once you settle in. No need to panic.

Ward

[sovain]

We're not exactly the norm when it comes to people and feelings. This makes things messy.