ROSY STOP (
browbeats) wrote in
gooseberryhigh2018-03-06 03:22 pm
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Entry tags:
Forward dated to 3/7
[Sy]
[Danny]
Hey, you have time in your busy head-injuries-and-Quaffle-fighting schedule to waste a couple hours fucking around in the Artificing shed again?
I'm hoping one of these things will catch my hair on fire within days of spring break.
[Danny]
You didn't return my pen after Hermeticism.
Stokers
But sure. I got time. Also Mom will lose her fuckin mind if you lose your hair. Go for it.
Stokers
I mean, it would take her attention off my weight.
Stokers
She's full of bullshit. You could have a 5.0 GPA and look like Lavender du Pont and she'd still find something wrong.
Stokers
I only listen to her
765% of the time anyway, don't worry. And I think we're underestimating the number of potential husbands who are into the no hair and no self esteem look anyway.Bet Alistair would write me a poem about it.
Stokers
He'd fuckin love it. Another charity case he can brag about. Rescuing pixie habitats, sad orphans, and you. Bet he'll have a ring ready at the Ilvermorny game.
Stokers
Think I'd be the favorite again if I make a political alliance with the du Ponts?
Stokers
Shit, maybe. Getting you married to some rich asshole is all Mom ever wanted. [...] Me too, now that I told them about Clem. She keeps "forgetting" I've got a girlfriend whenever she writes.
Stokers
Tell her you can't marry Alistair because I've already wooed him. [...] You know we're getting off easy as long as we're at school and under eighteen.
Stokers
Cookies and a hug won't get me noticed by scouts.[...] If Key gives anyone hugs before we've won a game, I'm gonna be fuckin disappointed in him. Shit. Did you see our team bonding?Hell. I know. [...] Dad basically said it's ok for me to be a C-average dumbass so long as I'm not a dumbass when I'm working for him. That's how you know he's given up on me.
Stokers
I thought you always wanted them to give up on you and leave you alone. [...] You're not, though, right? Going to work for him?
Stokers
I mean, I do want that. [...] Shit, I don't know. How fucked up is it that I can still get mad about them not giving a fuck?
What other options I do reallyStokers
It's the tip of the fucked up iceberg, and I don't think Dr. Perry knew what he was getting into with us. Every time you get a letter and I don't even get so much as a new skincare potion to take care of the bags under my eyes I grind another layer off my teeth. At least when they give a fuck we can kind of fool ourselves into thinking they're doing half this shit for our benefit.
And you didn't answer my question.
Stokers
How fuckin weak are we to still care? [...] You know, the way they talk, I used to fool myself into thinking they did see us as more than [...] fuck, I don't know. Their clones. Pet projects. They care so fuckin much about being the best, not like it's a bad thing to want your kids to be the best too. You know?
[.....] You're smart as fuck. You should go to Healer school. Far away from L.A.
Stokers
It feels pretty fucking weak, I'll tell you that much. Sometimes I just like try and figure out if they hate us because we're too much like them and they hate themselves, or because they love themselves so fucking much and we can't live up to them. [...] At least they seem to kind of treat Freddy like he's their kid or whatever.
[...]
But IYouWhat abI know I applied to New York buI don't have to go, there are schools in LAThere's one in San Francisco I couAre you trying to geW[..........] How long do you really think you could work for Dad before it came to blows?
Stokers
Shit. I dunno. Do you think it was just us being born at the same time that made them want to play Twin vs. Twin all the time, or would they have fucked us up anyway? Like... maybe it's just us, you know? Maybe they'd be ok with Freddy even if we didn't exist.
[...]
It's just three years, Ro. Long enough for Freddy turn 18. Long enough for you to use that genius brain of yours to get a plum Healer job.
Stokers
It would have been a hell of a lot harder to fuck us up the same way if we weren't the exact same age, wouldn't it? Couldn't be in the same leagues, the same classes, the same competitions. If we weren't twins I bet we would have just been fucked up in some generic way instead of this super cool and unique twin damage we've got going on.
If I go to New York that'sthat's too far I can'tDo you even know how to [...] not [...] escalate when he gets in one of his shitass moods?
Stokers
If we weren't twinsMaybe if you didn't have me in your life[...] What, like two rich brats who've never held a normal job? Spoiled fucks who maybe don't even talk to each other most of the time because they don't even like each other like a normal brother and sister. Or maybe just damaged in like the normal forest kidnapping way. Shit, that woulda been nice.I mean, you've been doing it for 16 years. You think I can't do anything you can do if I just tried?
Stokers
[...] I'm not going to accept forest kidnapping as an example of normal damage. I mean like overcompensating douchebags like the du Ponts or super cool jaded assholes like half the regular rich shitheads we go to school with.
I guess I just haven't seen you try. [...] Look, is this something you've actually thought about, or is this an impulse?
Don't get my hDon't screw me on thWhat about Quidditch?Stokers
What the fuck do you want me to say, Ro? You want the full no bullshit truth? Fine. I want to get the fuck away from them. I've been dreaming about it, literal fuckin dreams, and now we're going to be 18 and it's like my brain is obsessed with leaving and never looking back. I can't stop thinking about it. I want to be my own person. I want to be free and play Quidditch on a team with my friends and not have Clementine dump me because I'm just some asshole in a suit. Like shit, I'm a damn good Chaser and I've got a real chance here, with the scouts coming. I get a good offer, and I won't need Mom and Dad's bullshit help for any of it. They won't have a single fuckin thing to hold over me.
Except you. Except Freddy. And I know you, you'll choose to stay miserable because you've been choosing misery for the sake of others all our goddamn lives. You'll call me a selfish jackass but you won't stop me from going. I hate every fucking thing about this, but short of kidnapping our brother and running to the other side of the world, I don't know how else to keep my promise to you.
[...] I can't be happy if you're not happy, Ro.
Stokers
But IThis isn'I know how toI can'tI can'tBut I'm [.........] scared.
I know how to be miserable for the sake of others. I don't know how to leave you behind, I don't know how to let you be miserable, and most of all, I don't fucking know how to be happy.
[...] And for what it's worth, I don't think Clem would dump you for being just some asshole in a suit.
Stokers
She should. Not like I'm that great of a boyfriend.
I just love h[......]
You've got all your friends. You know? And... you'll still have me. Like, if I'm playing Quidditch, Dad's gonna be like, don't fuckin come home until you're ready to beg for a shitass job filing government forms. But if you're gonna be a Healer, then hell. The favorite twin for the next decade. We can Apparate and see each other.
Just three years. Remember when we were freshmen? Time fuckin flies, hey? We won't even feel it.
Stokers
And yeah I remember when we were freshmen, but it also feels like a fucking lifetime has passed since just last year at this time. [...] That might be the forest hell talking, though.
[...] I don't fucking know. What if I come back and you're engaged to Lavender du Pont?
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