gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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WHAT'S WITH THIS VEGAN TOFU BULLSHIT TODAY? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US? MY INSIDES ARE BEING DESTROYED.

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Are you allergic to tofu?

Watch it asshole. My wife is vegan

Wait, there was tofu? In what?

YEAH, AND LOOK HOW SKINNY SHE IS.

~~NO BUT IT'S GROSS~~

YES.

YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE?

unless she takes that as a compliment then nevermind

I can't remember what it was. I was too busy watching my life flash before my eyes.

Oh. Sorry. I hope you're okay.

It's too late, I'm already dead. I pulled a Magdalen Gillis and then I died. Tell Cecil I love him. I'm going to join the ghost in the woods.

Huh. Can't say I noticed. The tofu, that is. I noticed you flailing about like a dying swan.

He's fucking lying. If Trixie isn't allergic to it, he's not

Where did the store my body? I want to take one good look at my beautiful face before the bury me to hide the evidence.

Hold a seance. I demand answers for why the vegans were finally allowed to take over. WE GET IT, YOU'RE VEGAN. WE GET IT, YOU DO CROSSFIT. WE GET IT, YOU RECYCLE.

IF YOU'RE NOT EATING YOUR SHARES THEN GIVE THEM TO ME

LET ME HAVE THEM, LEVI

DON'T HOLD OUT ON ME

My body, Chris. My body can't handle it.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A COD BURGER. I WAS MISTAKEN.

TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T AT LUNCH WITH ME, WE COULD'VE PLAYED MAMA BIRD-BABY BIRD WITH THE MUSH IN MY MOUTH.

Is the whole menu today vegan?? Why???

Why the fuck would it be a cod burger. We are in utah.

But I can't relate. I didn't eat the food.

Ignore him, Pippa. He's fine. Just dramatic.

I don't know if everything tastes weird because I'm hungover or because it's vegan. Some of it was really good though? Like the burger thing? It was just a big potato patty.

Will I ever recover from this tragic fomo? Probably.

The winners from last week's ~~stupid fucking~~ sophomore bonding cooking challenge got to choose all of today's menu. It was a very prestigious prize that resulting in some ~~fucking~~ awesome meals. They even fit my macros.

Cecil....... is that..... you? Cecil.... my darling..... Sing to me one last time.

Because it looked like a fucking cod burger and not vegetable bullshit wedged between a bun. IT'S SO DECEPTIVE. THEY PURPOSEFULLY MADE IT LOOK EDIBLE.

The brownie thing was pretty good. I GUESS.

If I wanted a potato patty, I would've had hash browns or fucking LATKES.

You've seen him too???

Oh. So Levi is insulting some poor sophomore is what you mean.

What a monster

How come we got a stupid hike and they get a bake off?

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