gooseberryhigh | ↬ December 8, 2013

If you enjoy giving advice, please consider contributing your wise words to Asher Guthrie's anonymous advice column!

[WARDED TO RIBBONFIN SENIORS]
Oh, I know what you're thinking, but there will be no scolding or lecturing from your local prefect today. I promise. Actually, I've just been struck by the realization that 2013 has barrelled by shockingly quickly, and only promises to get busier, what with exams and Drama rehearsals and Winter Formal. Everyone's trying to keep our heads above the water and not drown from the stress (not Ras, obviously, he's a strong swimmer and stress-impervious), but... it's the holidays, and we should remember to cherish the time we spend together. We've been rainbow trout for three years and three months now, and in June, we'll be graduating and leaving Ribbonfin forever.

Thank god, you're thinking to yourselves. Soon I will escape the suffocating boa constrictor hold of Ravi's fussing. Ah yes, but until then, might I suggest we have a little get-together, just the ten of us? This weekend's going to be exceptionally crowded, so next week, perhaps? Please let me know what you all think. It can be just a few hours in the boys' cabin, catching up and relaxing. We can have hot chocolate, and I'll clean out Event Committee's supply of pastries.

[WARDED TO CALVIN EVERCREECH]
December's always an odd month, isn't it? I feel like I haven't seen you very much lately, with [...] everything going on. How are you handling your classes? Worried about exams at all?

[WARDED TO DIEGO MORALES]
[...] How's your clavicle?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A little Bailey's never hurt anyone at all. And we're much more reasonable than certain houses. No drunken sledding, just cocoa and bonding.

Oh I totally understand, that's a lot on your plate! Who are you playing? I can't wait to see the play! If you need any help planning, let me know. I'm always there to help with fun.

An/Ravi

Unfortunate is a word. But I hope that I gave her enough space and that she's ready to move on. I'm sending her an owl today reaching out for forgiveness. So we'll see how that goes.

I will let you know. I think Tabitha is a good person who is lovely and reasonable. I'm hoping our last year can be better than last.

Oh, I know. But... you know how I am about rules, even as I make inappropriate jokes about spiked hot chocolate. But one day, when we're out of school and this prefect badge holds no power, I'll go to an inappropriate party with you.

Thank you, An. I might take you up on that, actually. And I'm playing Lysander! I expect you all to show up and lovingly tease me for thinking I can be a Shakespearean actor.

[An/Ravi]
Good luck. You have a kind heart, An, and none of us think you're a bad person for what happened. Tabitha will come around too.

I know about you and rules, so don't worry, we won't get out of hand. And now I can't wait until we're out of school so I can see this inappropriate Ravi!!

You should! I'm happy to help. And how wonderful, that is a big part. Only there to clap and cheer you on of course. Very very light teasing, I promise.

An/Ravi

I probably am a bit, it was a stupid thing, and why drinking too much is very bad. But I just need to...be persistent and also patient. Hopefully she will come around sooner rather than later.

Take it easy on me, please. My hypothetical adult self might still die of shock if this inappropriate party gets too wild.

You're too good to me. Will you be free on Sunday night? Maybe we can talk about the party then.

[An/Ravi]
No, you're not. It was a mistake, An. I know if you had to repeat that day, you would choose differently now. [...] Can I ask you something personal?

I promise to gently ease you into inappropriate parties in our adult future lives, which I have totally thought about and definitely have plans. Definitely.

Always, Ravi my love. Saturday I'm free as you'd like me to be. We'll party plan and I'll make smoothies, it'll be fun!

An/Ravi

It was a big mistake though. And it's hard to see her upset and hurting every day. I definitely would choose differently. I wish basically constantly I could have a do over. I'm trying to see if she'll accept the Hawaiian forgiveness process, but we'll see.

Of course you can. You can ask me anything.

I'm going to remember that you promised. Even leaving high school won't allow you get rid of me.

Ah, smoothies. So much healthier for me than hot cocoa. But great, I'll come over to your cabin Saturday evening and we can do some party planning.

[An/Ravi]
Yeah. You've been considerate and given her space to process what happened, but it's difficult to really provide space when you're forced to be roommates. I wish this situation didn't have to be so hard on either of you.

You don't have to answer this. Really, you don't. But... why did you do it? Last year, with Diego?

You can definitely hold me accountable. Bring it up any time I try and say I wouldn't have a party with you (which will be never, I'd always want you there!). And I'm never planning on you being rid of me, so there.

Healthier so that we can have more cocoa with Baileys. I think ahead. Perfect, it's a plan then.

An/Ravi

Yeah...and I think the fact that she has to see me a lot hasn't helped any. I don't want people to feel awkward with us around but there is definitely a tension in the air and it would be nice not to have that. I want us to all be able to relax when we're in the cabin.

I...I wish I couldn't answer that question. I've tried to go over it in my head a lot. Was I attracted to Diego? Sure. It was a passing thought, but nothing I considered deeply because he was dating Tabitha. I honestly don't remember most of what happened. I had way too much to drink, we were talking and laughing, and that became kissing somehow and then just...

It's not an excuse, the drinking. It's just an explanation. If I was sober, I never would have. And I mean, I never will again, drinking or no. I won't get that far again, it just wasn't worth it.

How sneaky. I have to be careful around you, Anuhea Alapai.

[An/Ravi]
I know. We all want that. I think Tabitha does too, honestly. It'll work out, An. In the meantime, I know all of us will try to make this a fun evening. Low stress, minimal awkwardness, very casual. Promise.

[...] I'm sorry. I really am. It's a hard way to learn that lesson. Could you tell me a little about this "Hawaiian forgiveness process"?

You definitely have to keep an eye on me.

An/Ravi

I hope so. I really do. We'll see what she says to my letter, and go from there. And I know it will be. We can all spend time together casually and it'll be fine.

Yeah. [...] Yeah. It's just a bad situation all around, but I guess I needed to learn at some point.

Sure! There is this ancient idea on the islands that guilt over wrong actions causes sickness. And that you must atone or you will never be well. Forgiveness is a process that is both within oneself but also part of the community. So, to bring yourself to a state of natural balance, you perform Hoʻoponopono (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ho%CA%BBoponopono). The community is there, and it's led by a kahuna, a priest, but it can also be an elder. The person who has done wrong is called forward to talk about the transgression and what was done wrong, and the problem is discussed by everyone. We hold hands together, saying that we are together and one in community. The person who is wrong is asked to not hold on to the fault, and there is time for silence and reflection. Everyone acknowledges how they feel. And then the person who did wrong confesses their wrong doing, repents for their transgression and asks for forgiveness. Then we let go of hands, letting go of the past and looking to the future. And then we have a ceremonial feast where we eat kala seaweed to represent the letting go. It ends with the person who was wronged giving a hala lei to the transgressor as a symbol of forgiveness.

It's very beautiful. Maybe she would be open to it.

↬ December 8, 2013

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