goosestaff: (O'Hare (ii))
Gooseberry High - Staff & Teachers ([personal profile] goosestaff) wrote in [community profile] gooseberryhigh2017-02-11 03:48 pm
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MANDATORY SEX ED ASSEMBLY




MANDATORY SEX ED ASSEMBLY

At 4 PM, the school holds a mandatory Sex Ed Assembly, which some students think is timed suspiciously close to Valentine's Day. All girls are asked to go to the auditorium with Mrs. O'Hare, while all boys must gather in the cafeteria with Healer Mufferaw. The doors of the auditorium and cafeteria are closed, and students are expected to pay attention for the full 90 minutes.

Although the assemblies are divided by gender, they will be covering basically the same information:


Anatomy and Procreation: O'Hare and Mufferaw run through this one fairly quickly, on the assumption that students already have some knowledge of how this works. (Mufferaw will regret that, once he gets to the student questions.) This includes the parts of the penis and the vagina, the mechanics of procreative sex, and how the egg is fertilized by sperm.

  • Mufferaw, being an experienced Healer, recites this information in the blandest terms possible, ignoring the titters in the audience.

  • O'Hare is chipper and stays on topic until the end, when she goes off on a tangent about dragon mating. Apparently, dragon mating is surprisingly similar to human mating, except for the addition of fire and leathery wings and egg-laying. So... not similar at all. Everyone in the room learns too much about "hemipenis hook ornaments."


Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation: Mindful of the diversity of their students, they do their best to use inclusive language throughout the lesson. The information in this section is somewhat basic, only touching upon heterosexual, gay/lesbian and bisexual/pansexual as sexual orientations; and cisgender and transgender as gender categories. Nonetheless, they make the effort to emphasize it's alright to not know how define yourselves yet, and that all sexualities are valid, mainstream or not.

  • Mufferaw is gruff and matter-of-fact by default, but this is the one time he softens a little. Your health needs can change depending on your gender or your sexual orientation. If you need to tell a Healer about these things, you're safe with him.

  • "Y'know, there's a whole lotta different ways to express your sexuality," O'Hare muses. "When me and my husband were just wild kids in wizard college, we didn't believe in tying ourselves down to doing just one thing or one person. Speaking 'bout that, let's talk about..."


Protection and STIs: This section forms the bulk of the assembly. They run through common sexually transmitted diseases, both magical and non-magical, and how to effectively use condoms and dental dams to prevent the spread of STIs (and also babies, of course).

  • O'Hare manages to be no-nonsense about this. STDs are no joke, kids! Differently from the boys' assembly, O'Hare includes a brief but frank discussion of what to do if you find yourself with an unwanted pregnancy.

  • Mufferaw asks for Levi Kramer and Christopher Park to come up to the front and demonstrate how to put a condom on a banana, with... variable results. Later, Mufferaw ends up describing a few magical STIs in gruesome (and possibly exaggerated) detail, the worst one being Cursed Cooties, which starts as bright blue genital warts, and progresses into swelling, discoloured discharge, unusual berry-like smells, and necrosis. "The only way to save him was through castration," Mufferaw intones. He decides to lighten the mood by opening a door out to the balcony, for a live demonstration on how to use a condom to light a campfire. Survival skills!


Consent: The final part is a discussion of the different types of violence, abuse and harassment that can occur in dating/relationships, and methods for responding to and preventing them. Despite the limited time given to such an important topic, Mufferaw and O'Hare do their best to provide scripts for establishing personal boundaries.

  • Dangerous beasts come up again, as O'Hare compares teenage lust to the power of dragon pheromones. The metaphor goes overlong, but the point is, no matter how heated (haha) you are in the moment, that's no excuse for ignoring someone else's boundaries. You should be allowed to say "no" at any time and have that be respected.

  • Mufferaw's youngest daughter is classmates with you hoodlums, so he's dead serious about this topic. If someone shows signs of not enjoying the attention you're giving them, then cut that crap out. Just because they're not saying "no," that doesn't make it a "yes." Learn enthusiastic consent! Don't you dare give someone a love potion (or anything) without their knowledge! And quit kissing so many people when you're sick!


Student Questions: Students are asked to submit any questions they might have into a box. Everyone must submit a piece of paper to the box, for the sake of anonymity, although actually writing a question is optional. O'Hare and Mufferaw read the submitted questions, and offer their answers:

  • O'Hare cheerfully details the contents of the Safer Safe Kit, which does indeed include magical condoms. She also teaches them a handy body-safe lubrication spell which they can use in a pinch. "Trust me, men-leaning ladies, if you don't worry about keeping things smooth and slippery, he's not going to."

  • "You're all idiots," Mufferaw informs the boys. "And none of you should be allowed to talk to, much less touch, a woman." (That said, if any of them have serious questions about anatomy, they should go to the library.)


In the end, everyone is granted a Safer Sex Kit: a small blue bag containing two magical condoms (automatically resize to a snug fit when worn), two magical dental dams (won't slip off accidentally when placed), two sample packets of lube, a pack of wet wipes, and breath mints. There’s also an instructional pamphlet about the importance of using protection.


» Boys' Assembly: The round cafeteria tables have been magically cleared and replaced with rows of metal folding chairs which inevitably grow uncomfortable after the first 45 minutes. Healer Mufferaw stands at the front of the room with a screen and magical projector. With every tap of his wand against the screen, the slide changes. The slides are antiquated in art style, but the information is reliably current. Mufferaw is quick to shut down any boys trying to ham it up or cause trouble. He's heard all your jokes before.

» Girls' Assembly: Girls are asked to fill the front rows of the auditorium—no sitting in the back and missing anything! Mrs. O'Hare has decided to treat this like Magizoology class, and has two large blackboards set up on stage, upon which she scribbles lots of notes and the occasional diagram. Very good diagrams, honestly. (Maybe too good, in the case of the hemipenes?) O'Hare's tone remains brisk and conversational throughout, with frequent reassurances that none of the girls should be embarrassed to talk about their needs.

» ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS: No guarantee that we'll answer any of them, but if you want space to note what your character submitted to the questions box, write it here!

» OOC - Questions, comments, concerns!
knightly: (🐟 46)

Ravi

[personal profile] knightly 2017-02-12 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
Ravi is going to be a Healer. He is not bothered by discussion of disease and human sexuality. (He might be bothered when Levi and Chris go up on stage, but that's just because it's embarrassing to watch.)

That said, he is definitely not going to sit anywhere near Diego for this assembly. In fact, he makes a point of forcing his Ribbonfin friends to sit with him in front of Diego, so Ravi is not tempted to look at Diego once. He doesn't need to think about that right now, thanks!
gdilevi: (Default)

Re: OOC - Questions, comments, concerns!

[personal profile] gdilevi 2017-02-12 12:03 am (UTC)(link)
i wish there were multiple bananas and condoms so they could have a race
professionalcorpse: (Default)

Sebastien

[personal profile] professionalcorpse 2017-02-12 12:11 am (UTC)(link)
Bash is surprisingly chill and attentive throughout this entire assembly. Public school does this shit on the regular, dudes - and the sexual orientation and preference stuff was his mom's cup of personalized child-torture tea.

He does, however, let out a particularly triumphant and vindicated "HA!" when Cursed Cooties are brought up.

Fuck you, Lamar Stevens. Cooties ARE real, you sanctimonious asshole. Making fun of his sister and refusing your proper cootie vaccinations back in first grade. Hope your dick gets itself some fruity pebbles necrosis.

(Though - dear fucking LORD, that's horrifying.)
gdilevi: (Default)

[personal profile] gdilevi 2017-02-12 12:11 am (UTC)(link)
if i wasn't a lazy pos, i would put up an ic/ooc for a condom bonfire and have that be one of the minigames

however
birdbrainy: (Default)

Nate

[personal profile] birdbrainy 2017-02-12 12:12 am (UTC)(link)
Well he sure as hell didn't learn about Cursed Cooties on the farm.
gdilevi: (+ ugly wink w/duck sfx)

Levi shows the kids how condoms work

[personal profile] gdilevi 2017-02-12 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
Levi fist-pumps over the earned points and winks at Cecil as he returns to his seat. Those points are for you, baby.
nobletoo: (darling i'm all shook up now)

Frankie

[personal profile] nobletoo 2017-02-12 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
Frank spends the majority of this assembly wide-eyed and bright red.

Less so for the dragon sections. The dragon sections are, weirdly enough, a welcome reprieve.
threatens: (🏆 15)

Sy

[personal profile] threatens 2017-02-12 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
Sy would like to pretend this assembly never even happened. He's doing his best to pretend it never happened by slouching in his chair and trying to nap through this. Which is impossible. These chairs are the fucking worst.

Calvin

[identity profile] evercreep.insanejournal.com 2017-02-12 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
Dying sounds preferable to sitting through this assembly. Calvin slowly sinks further and further into his chair the longer it goes on.
quinning: (Default)

[personal profile] quinning 2017-02-12 12:23 am (UTC)(link)
fuck if i wasn't too busy tonight to make this
quinning: (Default)

this is my favourite response.

[personal profile] quinning 2017-02-12 12:24 am (UTC)(link)
gdilevi: (Default)

[personal profile] gdilevi 2017-02-12 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
i mean, it'd have to be sunday anyway bc the sun's down after their NINETY MINUTES OF TORTURE.

but, realistically, i will find an excuse not to do it on sunday anyway. (tbh i'm going to bed early and i'm out of the house most of sunday. but even if i wasn't......)

Rafael

[identity profile] firstposition.insanejournal.com 2017-02-12 12:30 am (UTC)(link)
Rafael stays unruffled on the outside, but every time there's a new salacious detail, he inhales slowly through his nose and his lips press together ever so slightly. Please excuse him as he silently berates himself for getting embarrassed over something he's already done.
quinning: (+/ welp! /shrug)

Quinn

[personal profile] quinning 2017-02-12 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
Genitalia were way funnier yesterday when they were actually mollusks and she was high ("as balls," Tess would argue). Today, her face is set to Neutral with a helping of Unfazed; she may as well be watching The Weather Network.

She is visibly perplexed when Mrs. O'Hare draws parallels between dragons and people.
choneychurch: (Default)

Cecil

[personal profile] choneychurch 2017-02-12 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
Cecil is quiet and attentive throughout the assembly...and just as embarrassed as everyone probably assumed he would be. Especially because he is an idiot and sat with the same people he always sits with during assemblies: Diego and Levi. Good move, Honeychurch. He may just blush for ninety minutes straight.
ninjaleo: (020)

Leo

[personal profile] ninjaleo 2017-02-12 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
Oh look. It's the second time in as many days when Leo is so happy to have the best poker face of all time. He's not embarrassed by any of this, particularly. But he really doesn't want to be hearing about it in a room full of peers including the one he's dating. That seems really unnecessary and cruel, and he counters by putting his most can we go now. face on for the entirety of this.
sunsoutgunsout: (= another 'WELP.')

CASEY

[personal profile] sunsoutgunsout 2017-02-12 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
As one who majors in Dance and minors in Promiscuity, Casey is both attentive and visibly interested for the entire presentation. He even hollers "PREACH!" during the consent lecture. Okay, maybe he elbows Jay one too many times to make crude jokes, and also happens to exclaim "THAT'S SOME GROSS-ASS SHIT!" at the Cursed Cooties story, but he's making progress?
puphart: (?- and???)

[personal profile] puphart 2017-02-12 12:46 am (UTC)(link)
Kurt and Isaiah are on the same page. :x
choneychurch: (Default)

Levi shows the kids how condoms work

[personal profile] choneychurch 2017-02-12 12:48 am (UTC)(link)
Cecil is somewhat surprised by how matter-of-fact and serious Levi is about this. And he's grateful. Definitely grateful. He smiles a little when Healer Mufferaw awards five points to Azurcrest for this knowledgeable display and averts his eyes shyly when his boyfriend winks at him...though, he's still smiling.
ferdie: (028)

Ferdie

[personal profile] ferdie 2017-02-12 12:50 am (UTC)(link)
Ferdie thought he would be a good prefect and take notes in case the baby Ribbonfins needed to talk to someone about this later.
His quill was down by "condom bonfire."
solveforx: (19)

[personal profile] solveforx 2017-02-12 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
Zav is sitting near Ravi for moral support, but within five minutes of the lecture starting his brain has shut off. He pulls out a pen and begins scrawling base-8 multiplication tables on his arm, wrist to elbow, in an effort to keep from thinking about the implications of his feelings about all this information.

Not even the mention of seeping, blueberry dong rot draws him out of his number-filled reverie. Although he does mess up and turns a 7 into a 2.
gdilevi: (Default)

Re: Cecil

[personal profile] gdilevi 2017-02-12 12:57 am (UTC)(link)
Levi keeps glancing over to Cecil and smirking as he watches his reactions all throughout the assembly. Nothing in this assembly is new information to him except the fire trick. He stares into the face of STIs, unperturbed, until he finds that staring at Cecil's face is way more entertaining instead.
addytives: (540)

Addy

[personal profile] addytives 2017-02-12 12:58 am (UTC)(link)
Addy seriously tries to stay straight faced here and set as mature and sex positive example as you possibly can while learning also about dragons and hemipenes.
This mostly works. Mostly.

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