MANDATORY SEX ED ASSEMBLY

[goosestaff]

MANDATORY SEX ED ASSEMBLY

At 4 PM, the school holds a mandatory Sex Ed Assembly, which some students think is timed suspiciously close to Valentine's Day. All girls are asked to go to the auditorium with Mrs. O'Hare, while all boys must gather in the cafeteria with Healer Mufferaw. The doors of the auditorium and cafeteria are closed, and students are expected to pay attention for the full 90 minutes.

Although the assemblies are divided by gender, they will be covering basically the same information:

Anatomy and Procreation: O'Hare and Mufferaw run through this one fairly quickly, on the assumption that students already have some knowledge of how this works. (Mufferaw will regret that, once he gets to the student questions.) This includes the parts of the penis and the vagina, the mechanics of procreative sex, and how the egg is fertilized by sperm.

• Mufferaw, being an experienced Healer, recites this information in the blandest terms possible, ignoring the titters in the audience.


• O'Hare is chipper and stays on topic until the end, when she goes off on a tangent about dragon mating. Apparently, dragon mating is surprisingly similar to human mating, except for the addition of fire and leathery wings and egg-laying. So... not similar at all. Everyone in the room learns too much about "hemipenis hook ornaments."

Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation: Mindful of the diversity of their students, they do their best to use inclusive language throughout the lesson. The information in this section is somewhat basic, only touching upon heterosexual, gay/lesbian and bisexual/pansexual as sexual orientations; and cisgender and transgender as gender categories. Nonetheless, they make the effort to emphasize it's alright to not know how define yourselves yet, and that all sexualities are valid, mainstream or not.

• Mufferaw is gruff and matter-of-fact by default, but this is the one time he softens a little. Your health needs can change depending on your gender or your sexual orientation. If you need to tell a Healer about these things, you're safe with him.


• "Y'know, there's a whole lotta different ways to express your sexuality," O'Hare muses. "When me and my husband were just wild kids in wizard college, we didn't believe in tying ourselves down to doing just one thing or one person. Speaking 'bout that, let's talk about..."

Protection and STIs: This section forms the bulk of the assembly. They run through common sexually transmitted diseases, both magical and non-magical, and how to effectively use condoms and dental dams to prevent the spread of STIs (and also babies, of course).

• O'Hare manages to be no-nonsense about this. STDs are no joke, kids! Differently from the boys' assembly, O'Hare includes a brief but frank discussion of what to do if you find yourself with an unwanted pregnancy.


• Mufferaw asks for Levi Kramer and Christopher Park to come up to the front and demonstrate how to put a condom on a banana, with... variable results. Later, Mufferaw ends up describing a few magical STIs in gruesome (and possibly exaggerated) detail, the worst one being Cursed Cooties, which starts as bright blue genital warts, and progresses into swelling, discoloured discharge, unusual berry-like smells, and necrosis. "The only way to save him was through castration," Mufferaw intones. He decides to lighten the mood by opening a door out to the balcony, for a live demonstration on how to use a condom to light a campfire. Survival skills!

Consent: The final part is a discussion of the different types of violence, abuse and harassment that can occur in dating/relationships, and methods for responding to and preventing them. Despite the limited time given to such an important topic, Mufferaw and O'Hare do their best to provide scripts for establishing personal boundaries.

• Dangerous beasts come up again, as O'Hare compares teenage lust to the power of dragon pheromones. The metaphor goes overlong, but the point is, no matter how heated (haha) you are in the moment, that's no excuse for ignoring someone else's boundaries. You should be allowed to say "no" at any time and have that be respected.


• Mufferaw's youngest daughter is classmates with you hoodlums, so he's dead serious about this topic. If someone shows signs of not enjoying the attention you're giving them, then cut that crap out. Just because they're not saying "no," that doesn't make it a "yes." Learn enthusiastic consent! Don't you dare give someone a love potion (or anything) without their knowledge! And quit kissing so many people when you're sick!

Student Questions: Students are asked to submit any questions they might have into a box. Everyone must submit a piece of paper to the box, for the sake of anonymity, although actually writing a question is optional. O'Hare and Mufferaw read the submitted questions, and offer their answers:

• O'Hare cheerfully details the contents of the Safer Safe Kit, which does indeed include magical condoms. She also teaches them a handy body-safe lubrication spell which they can use in a pinch. "Trust me, men-leaning ladies, if you don't worry about keeping things smooth and slippery, he's not going to."


• "You're all idiots," Mufferaw informs the boys. "And none of you should be allowed to talk to, much less touch, a woman." (That said, if any of them have serious questions about anatomy, they should go to the library.)

In the end, everyone is granted a Safer Sex Kit: a small blue bag containing two magical condoms (automatically resize to a snug fit when worn), two magical dental dams (won't slip off accidentally when placed), two sample packets of lube, a pack of wet wipes, and breath mints. There’s also an instructional pamphlet about the importance of using protection.

» Boys' Assembly: The round cafeteria tables have been magically cleared and replaced with rows of metal folding chairs which inevitably grow uncomfortable after the first 45 minutes. Healer Mufferaw stands at the front of the room with a screen and magical projector. With every tap of his wand against the screen, the slide changes. The slides are antiquated in art style, but the information is reliably current. Mufferaw is quick to shut down any boys trying to ham it up or cause trouble. He's heard all your jokes before.

» Girls' Assembly: Girls are asked to fill the front rows of the auditorium—no sitting in the back and missing anything! Mrs. O'Hare has decided to treat this like Magizoology class, and has two large blackboards set up on stage, upon which she scribbles lots of notes and the occasional diagram. Very good diagrams, honestly. (Maybe too good, in the case of the hemipenes?) O'Hare's tone remains brisk and conversational throughout, with frequent reassurances that none of the girls should be embarrassed to talk about their needs.

» ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS: No guarantee that we'll answer any of them, but if you want space to note what your character submitted to the questions box, write it here!

» OOC - Questions, comments, concerns!

Comments

BOYS' ASSEMBLY

[goosestaff]

Kurt Wolfhart and his weird face

[puphart]

This is an uncomfortable 90 minutes for Kurt.

Diego

[indiefolk]

Ordinarily, Diego can handle this sort of information gamely. However, Ravi was clearly not going to sit next to Diego for this assembly. It... was a good call, let's be real. Ravi doesn't need to endure this sitting next to Diego.

When he's not sighing and staring at the back of Ravi's head, he's feeling bad for poor, easily embarrassed Cecil. (And sometimes he's paying attention, I guess.)

Levi shows the kids how condoms work

[gdilevi]

Levi uses the volunteer demonstration to try to teach. "Check the expiration date. And don't keep that shit stored in your wallet on the reg or it's gonna wear down." As he unwraps the condom he adds, "And for the love of God, pinch the tip before you roll it on or it's gonna break halfway through thrusting. Pinching the tip pushes the air out and creates a reservoir. If things start to feel unusually good, pull out and check you didn't bust through it."

In two seconds flat, he's pinched the tip and has the condom rolled on the banana. He holds it up and waves it around to show it off. "And use plenty of lube. Don't use oil-based lube with condoms because that breaks the latex down and it's gonna rip, tater chip."

And, whatever, he'll show them how to take it off too since he has the soapbox.

"Hold on to the rim at the base of it as you pull out or you're gonna have a bad time. Then knot it like this-- And you're solid."

Robin

[hisshiss]

Robin is actually really awkward about sex, and he tends to deflect actual conversations about it with, uh, batshit insanity. He can't do that here, so instead he tries to get away with playing Animal Crossing the whole time. Don't worry Dr. Lumberjack Dad, there is literally no chance he's going to be messing with your daughter.

He is down with learning how to start a campfire with condoms though, that shit's badass. Well fine, finally a use for those dumb things. Not that Robin can't start a fire with literally anything, YOU THINK HE CAN'T? TRY HIM.

Ravi

[knightly]

Ravi is going to be a Healer. He is not bothered by discussion of disease and human sexuality. (He might be bothered when Levi and Chris go up on stage, but that's just because it's embarrassing to watch.)

That said, he is definitely not going to sit anywhere near Diego for this assembly. In fact, he makes a point of forcing his Ribbonfin friends to sit with him in front of Diego, so Ravi is not tempted to look at Diego once. He doesn't need to think about that right now, thanks!

Sebastien

[professionalcorpse]

Bash is surprisingly chill and attentive throughout this entire assembly. Public school does this shit on the regular, dudes - and the sexual orientation and preference stuff was his mom's cup of personalized child-torture tea.

He does, however, let out a particularly triumphant and vindicated "HA!" when Cursed Cooties are brought up.

Fuck you, Lamar Stevens. Cooties ARE real, you sanctimonious asshole. Making fun of his sister and refusing your proper cootie vaccinations back in first grade. Hope your dick gets itself some fruity pebbles necrosis.

(Though - dear fucking LORD, that's horrifying.)

Nate

[birdbrainy]

Well he sure as hell didn't learn about Cursed Cooties on the farm.

Sy

[threatens]

Sy would like to pretend this assembly never even happened. He's doing his best to pretend it never happened by slouching in his chair and trying to nap through this. Which is impossible. These chairs are the fucking worst.

Calvin

[evercreep.insanejournal.com]

Dying sounds preferable to sitting through this assembly. Calvin slowly sinks further and further into his chair the longer it goes on.

Rafael

[firstposition.insanejournal.com]

Rafael stays unruffled on the outside, but every time there's a new salacious detail, he inhales slowly through his nose and his lips press together ever so slightly. Please excuse him as he silently berates himself for getting embarrassed over something he's already done.

Cecil

[choneychurch]

Cecil is quiet and attentive throughout the assembly...and just as embarrassed as everyone probably assumed he would be. Especially because he is an idiot and sat with the same people he always sits with during assemblies: Diego and Levi. Good move, Honeychurch. He may just blush for ninety minutes straight.

Leo

[ninjaleo]

Oh look. It's the second time in as many days when Leo is so happy to have the best poker face of all time. He's not embarrassed by any of this, particularly. But he really doesn't want to be hearing about it in a room full of peers including the one he's dating. That seems really unnecessary and cruel, and he counters by putting his most can we go now. face on for the entirety of this.

CASEY

[sunsoutgunsout]

As one who majors in Dance and minors in Promiscuity, Casey is both attentive and visibly interested for the entire presentation. He even hollers "PREACH!" during the consent lecture. Okay, maybe he elbows Jay one too many times to make crude jokes, and also happens to exclaim "THAT'S SOME GROSS-ASS SHIT!" at the Cursed Cooties story, but he's making progress?

Ferdie

[ferdie]

Ferdie thought he would be a good prefect and take notes in case the baby Ribbonfins needed to talk to someone about this later.
His quill was down by "condom bonfire."

Ty

[tyhawkeswood]

None of this is new to Ty (except that lighting a fire with a condom thing -- who knew?) and he looks pretty bored throughout the presentation. After a while, this becomes very obvious. He glances around a lot, fidgets, and looks for other similarly bored souls to make sympathetic eye contact with. This would've been useful freshman year, sure, but it's sort of late in the game now.

Casper

[casperkim]

Casper hasn't had much experience when it comes to sex, but he's had enough and he doesn't see the point in this. He sits there looking irritated, slumped in his chair with his arms crossed, just waiting for this to end so he can go do something useful with his time. Though his eyebrows do go up a few times at the plethora of STIs and Mufferaw's detailed descriptions. He's reasonably certain that he can tell when someone is trying to scare him...but he's not positive. And it's not like he was planning to have unprotected sex anyway.

The more ridiculous questions asked at the end of the session seem to annoy him even more, though. Does he go to school with a bunch of goddamn children?

Cole

[colemoss]

Cole doesn't know much about sex, but physical intimacy doesn't perplex him in the same way that emotional intimacy does and the very dry beginning of the presentation quickly prompts him to check out. He just lets his mind wander, thinking about a painting that he'd like to be working on and the colors that he'd use and how he'd achieve that texture that he wants and so on. His attention drifts in and out of focus for the rest of the assembly (something about condom fires? and something about not kissing so much? and there were bananas at one point? he's not sure), so he doesn't get much out of it.

He probably would've done better in the lecture full of dragon metaphors.

Chris is also helpful

[bambae]

Chris runs through the demonstration of displaying how to put a condom onto a banana with familiarity, but greatly slowed down for emphasis. Surprisingly - miraculously - he resists the temptation to make this look anymore suggestive than it already does, even while he maintains eye contact with Isaiah the entire time.

To his demonstration, he also adds, "if it's difficult to roll down, it's because you're putting it on inside out, and you need to can it and get a new one, because there's a chance you got precum on it. STDs and sperm both exist in precum - that's why the pulling out method isn't safer than a condom. Condoms don't necessarily protect you against STDs that are transmitted by skin contact during sex, but they do protect you from them during oral sex. It's really just safer to get tested before having sex. And if you think that kills the mood - imagine how much genital warts'll kill the mood. Try explaining why your dick looks like it's birthing its own personal habitat to your prospective conquest. We don't live in the eighties. Everybody knows that diseases don't care about your gender or sexuality or moral compass. And Condoms, while outdated, are still the safest contraceptive against both STDs and pregnancy."

Gavin

[gavogletree]

Gavin sits beside Garrett (obviously) and...actually finds the assembly fairly useful. He's never kissed anyone outside of playing spin the bottle, never made out with anyone, and certainly never had sex, but he's also never had anyone at home to really deliver The Talk. Busy dads don't always make time for that sort of thing. So, while this isn't all new, there's a lot here that he'll need to know. Someday. Though the discussion of Cursed Cooties makes him think that staying a virgin for the rest of his goddamn life might not be the worst thing.

Garrett

[garogletree]

Garrett sits beside Gavin (obviously) and...also finds the assembly somewhat useful. His experiences with kissing and other forms of physical intimacy are pretty much identical to his twin's and thus are pretty sparse. A tiny part of him is pretty sure that Gavin is going to cockblock him into eternity, but this is all good to know regardless. Garrett gives his brother an 'oh god what' look during the STI portion - it's so much worse than he ever realized.

Asher

[guthriegazette]

Asher is pretty unperturbed by this assembly - like many of his classmates, none of this is news to him. He's very appreciative that Chris and Levi are serious and helpful in their demonstrations, but he's generally not paying much attention.

GIRLS' ASSEMBLY

[goosestaff]

Riley Gae

[riledup]

Riley spends most of the assembly wrinkling her nose at discussions of dragon...penis...ornament things and filing her nails. This isn't not paying attention, proper nail care is how Riley practices safe sex.

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS

[goosestaff]

[noblewon]

Tess has questions about the legality of love potions and how to avoid them (that you absolutely don't have to answer).

OOC - Questions, comments, concerns!

[goosestaff]

Re: OOC - Questions, comments, concerns!

[goosestaff]

OH GOD I FORGOT A SECTION HANG ON

hi guys i have a mild fever rn