gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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If you have any questions about what happened in duelling, you may direct them to me or Maggie.

[Warded to Casey]

Maybe don't read Mercedes' post. I am sorry if stepping in [...] escalated things.

[Warded to Cecil]

I am sure you heard about the incident at duelling by now. If not, I will be happy to explain what happened from my perspective. I do not think Maggie overstepped and I will defend her decision to give them detention.

[Warded to Casper and Ravi]

What if we stopped calling it "bullying" and started calling it "being an asshole." I think that would help people understand the root of the problem.

[Hastily added ward to Leo after this.]

That [...] girl I danced with. I don't want to be paranoid, but I don't know. It was strange. She talked about Wes.

Am I overreacting? I think I am overreacting.

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You and Maggie were absolutely right to put a stop to this, Rafael. Thank you for intervening. There's a line between joking and antagonizing that was crossed here and that isn't how any of us should be treating our classmates.

[Rafael]

Maggie filled me in. But if you'd like to tell me about what happened, I'm here to listen and I'd like to know as much as I can. Based on what I've heard, though, you both did the right thing. A joke is one thing, but when it becomes clear that you're upsetting someone and you just continue to laugh and push them [...] that's cruel. Chris and Ivy should both know better than that. And I'm sorry to reply outside of the ward, but I think it's important for everyone to know we're in agreement on this.

[...]

I'm sorry you always get pulled into these things, Rafael.

Thank you, Cecil.

[Cecil]

[...] I appreciate your support. They stopped once I intervened, but it was still a joke that hinged on making Casey feel stupid. I see Chris baiting him for it sometimes. I should stop it more. I don't understand why Ivy got involved, but they obviously thought it was harmless. I didn't think Maggie would give them detention, but it is good. Harsh for Ivy but Chris is a... a repeat offender, we could say?

It is fine. Really. Much better than the alternative, to stand back and do nothing. Although I hope you are not pulled into it too.

You have it, Rafael. Absolutely.

Yeah. It was a mean joke to start. And intervention from a prefect shouldn't have been what made them stop; the impact their actions were having on Casey should have. Empathy should have. [...] Honestly, I think Maggie did the right thing. Maybe more 'harsh' early on would've kept things from getting where they are. Especially with Chris. ~~I don't understand. Talking to him just never seems to~~ I don't know.

I thought you might say that. And I understand. I just worry.

I will be. Pulled into it, I mean. But I need to be.

What they said on the anonymous post is not true. If you and Maggie were harsh at the beginning, they would have hated you, and you would have been much less effective. People say they are alright with you being strict. They lie. They will always like you more when you are permissive, and they will turn on you when you decide to stop.

[...]

I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you want to hear.

The offenders are also okay with the punishment, Cecil.

[...]

I appreciate that, Chris.

I'll see you on Saturday.

Possibly? You'll probably have to go through Gillis for that, though. I don't think that word's in Honeychurch's vocabulary.

[...]

For the record, though? Fuck Chris. Fuck Ivy. I was there and they were goading Casey well after it stopped being funny. You're right and they deserve what they get.

Maybe we can think of other words that are descriptive, but that Cecil can actually use. How would Cecil put it? Detention for "being disappointing"? It could work.

People think we should let them get away with anything as long as they pick "acceptable" targets. As long as they are "just joking".

The difference between a "hilarious prank" and "picking on someone" is whether or not the target thinks it's funny. Casey obviously did not find it funny, and people continuing to insist that it was funny seems so... dismissive of him. It's frustrating.

In any case, Ivy knows she upset Casey and she's sorry for it. Hopefully everyone can move on from this incident, but... we'll see during the next anon post, I suppose.

We are always seen as overreacting or underreacting. Did you know I was shamed for not taking it seriously when Casey was teasing someone? And now they are furious we did take action when someone was "teasing" him.

They will remember. It isn't an anon post unless someone complains about the prefects.

Yeah. I knew that. [...] People just want to talk, Rafael. That's the truth. What's actually going on is almost entirely irrelevant. Especially when it comes to you and especially when certain inexplicably popular assholes have convinced themselves (and others) that they're being persecuted instead of punished. I don't think there's any way to change that.

And you're right. When has anyone in this school ever moved on from anything? No way this doesn't come back again on the Anonymous Post. Not without another intervention from Larke and O'Hare or something.

[...]

~~You okay?~~

Don't let these shitheads get to you.

The only way to fix this would be to grovel and I will not. We will both be gone from here soon, and he will have to face coworkers and bosses. He won't be our problem anymore. His friends can forgive him if they want, if they have the patience. They must all be saints.

I liked not having the journal. Reading it is a compulsion.

[...]

I am fine, I only wish telling someone to stop being mean wasn't met with such disdain from the other students.

[...] That's true. Not much time left. ~~For you guys.~~ And no way in hell does he deserve an apology.

Yeah. It was inconvenient not having the journals, but there were definite upsides.

And [...] good. But I don't think there's any way to change that either.

I wish we could stop reading the horrible thing. And yes, yes, I suppose we could turn away from the Anonymous Post and allow people to whip themselves into a frenzy on their own, but it won't stop the actual problem of them attacking others and upsetting people.

I know I'm the only one who thought this wasn't a shit idea, but I still think taking away the opportunity to respond to the Anonymous Post is an option. Mandatory events managed by prefects in individual cabins or something larger over in the Lodge. In would be unpopular, but who the fuck cares anymore? Everyone complains no matter what we do and it would stop the problem. We have mandatory events all the time and this would be considerably more useful than those bonding activities.

It seemed strange.
It might still be nothing. Maybe just some girl.

[...] What did she say about him?

Not very much, I was only assuming she meant him. She said... "I am sorry that you're so sad" and "I miss him too." There is no one else she could have meant, unless she thought I was someone else? It was her first dance, she said, and wanted me to teach her.

She could have guessed it was me. It could have been nothing.

Still a weird thing to say at a dance.
But yeah. She could've guessed. No one dances as well as you.
Maybe it's some awkward freshman with a crush on your cabin.

I knew I hated that charm for a reason.

No one with any sense has a crush on my cabin.

It bothered me more than I wanted to say. But I had a good time with you anyway. I always do.

I did say awkward freshman.

I had a good time, too. Of course I did [...] I hate that it was there. Even if this girl was just a girl and nothing bad happened this time. Kinda ruins the whole night retroactively.

I wish I understood what it wanted. If I spoke to it, it was... sweet? Childlike? Which fits. I thought maybe English was not her first language. I feel tricked. Unless it was an awkward freshman, then I feel paranoid and judgemental.

[...]

Do you hate this thing in the forest?

If you did. The thing talks like that. I think it tricks a lot of people that way. I wonder sometimes if that's intentional, and it preys on us trying to be nice.
I hate what it's doing. I don't know what it is enough to hate it, for itself, I don't think. ~~I'm scared of~~ I don't trust it for a second.

w/e
you didn't make shit worse
fuck em

Good.

Will you be alright?

~~wtf you think i WON'T be?~~
i'm ALWAYS 'alright'
i wasnt NOT 'alright'
i'm fuckin sick

Ah, bad phrasing.

I only mean you were very angry. I want to know if you are upset still, how you are feeling. You don't have to answer, but I want to ask.

right

i'm ~~whatever~~ SICK
i went to the fuckin studio and it's ~~gonna be~~ f i n e ~~i'll fuckin deal wi~~ fuckin whatever

I think that is a good idea, when I am angry [...] which I am a lot, it helps.

Are you working on anything in particular?

lmao k that's cool
that's cool

~~yea~~ no yea but it's new
so it's not a THING
its nothin
i'm just doin it tonight
its not a THING so don't ask

Mmmmmhm. A little cool, at least.

You say that... and it only makes me want to ask about it more.

yeah me too im fuckin sick of this weather already

i said IT'S NOT A THING DON'T ASK
it's not ready
idk if it's gonna be a THING at all bc i can't work out a bunch of it or w/e but its gonna be f i n e
like i'm f i n e

[...] Same, if I am honest. I hate the cold. I hate this uniform. Not as much as you do, probably.

I can't help it. I am curious by nature. What can't you work out? Maybe I could help. I am not as good at contemporary as you are, but working in a void is difficult.

why're there so many fuckin buttons n ties like holy shit it's a fuckin straight jacket

~~most of it?~~
~~most of it??~~
~~most of it???~~
i tried working it into different levels but they're not
~~writing this is fuckin h a r d~~
~~just come to the studio~~
workin like i want them to
i guess

I know. I think the tie is choking me. Whenever I remember it is there I want to tear it off. But I am a prefect so... here I am.

Would you show me what you have so far?

loosen that shit
you'll look fuckin suave
girls dig it

[...] ~~yea~~
no
yeah
NO
yeah
fine
sure
w/e if you WANT

i'm at the studio

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