gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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(no subject)

[ooc: This is all written at like eleven pm]

[Warded to Rafael]

Hey.

You awake?

If you're awake, I wanna talk to you about Youngblood. If you're not awake, I wanna talk to you about Youngblood tomorrow when you're awake. Entirely through the journals so he can't hear me talking to you about him.

[warded to Quinn]

You stopped giving Youngblood the cold shoulder by now right?

If the answer to that is yes, I have a follow up question that has nothing to do with that.

[warded to ~~Levi~~ Cecil]

Serious question. Say you're playing strip chess. Do you think watching your boyfriend give his room mate a naked hug and pep talk is a turn off.

[Warded to Tess]

Hey buddy.

[Warded to Rosy]

Hey.

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Yep.

Because I appreciate you

That's nice

Because you're a very smart, compassionate prefect.

I'm a dumbass

No that's the exact opposite of what I'm trying to say here

That's fine but I am. They should have made Faye prefect because she's not a fucking dumbass and I see that now.

[...] Said no ever

[...]

Is this about Youngblood?

No this is me seeing I've had things wrong for three years, but I fucking got it now.

Dude

[...]

Do you wanna talk about it?

Nah I think we said what needed to be said.

I was such an angry kid and I got into fights all the time and then what do they do, they hand me a basket of goddamn puppies. And I’m like, thank you so much, I'm honored and I will do my best to prove I am worthy of this responsibility, I am going to take the best care of all these fucking puppies. But they don’t give you a fucking manual.

So I try so hard. I try to say, no, puppies, don’t chew on those power cords, chew on this bone instead. No, puppy, don’t jump off that it’s too high you’ll get hurt. Every time the puppies try to piss on the carpet I try to take them outside, redirect. When the puppies try to eat my shoes, I just soak them in vinegar so they’re not appealing, because I’ve got this, I can handle this. Try to make sure they got good food, are well taken care of. When people tell me the puppies are trouble, I say no, they’re just rambunctious, they are so cute and so good you just don’t know, and I keep saying it until I’m hoarse.

But then, come to find out, my help isn’t wanted or needed. It’s overbearing and self righteous. So, I can drop these dogs outside, close the door, and let them get into whatever the fuck they want. They don’t feel like they’re getting kicked anymore, and I can coast to graduation only worrying about myself for a change. Everyone wins. Too bad I didn’t figure it out sooner, right.

are you saying you're done with us

Are you breaking up with

He didn't mean it like th

It wasn't about you, Tess. It was about Ramirez.

You're not overbearing, we're just assholes who don't like to be controlled. That entire post wasn't a complaint about you as a prefect. But Youngblood was yelling into the wind and nobody cared. You can't fix him. You're already his friend. You're not the problem and you can't fix a problem that you're not causing. It doesn't make you a bad prefect. Him complaining about the system that you're a part of doesn't mean he's complaining about you.

But if you give up on him now, you'll regret it.

Maybe that's partially my fault too. I mean, we didn't set out to be good cop/bad cop, but that's what it turned into. Here I am like "psst, wake up, let's go 'jogging' to look for supernatural video feeds, I'll lie to the other prefects later" or "scooby crew shenanigans? sure, I'll be the alibi" or "shit going down on the journals? let me just close this right up and pretend I never saw it..." So maybe he wouldn't have to be all hard edges if I hadn't got so squishy somewhere along the way.

I'm not giving up on him, I swear to god I will get him to graduation if I have to drag his corpse across the stage. But there's too little time left in the year for me to be bending over backwards and getting bent out of shape for everyone.

[...]

I talked to Ramirez.

[...]

I know it probably feels like you're talking to a wall. That we're like an unmovable force and you're putting in a lot more work than we are. And half the time we're shitty friends. Half the time Youngblood is a shittier friend than you are.

But I took your advice and I talked to Ramirez for him. Because he's like the best friend I fucking got here, and you're the best fucking friend he's got here. And he wasn't talking about himself on that post and he probably wouldn't have got so heated if he had been. But he's not fucked up because you got soft on him. He's fucked up because he was raised in a fucked up compound and wasn't taught how to interact with people normally.

But I took your advice and you were right. You're always right. And we're assholes for forcing you to always be right.

I'm just tired, that's all.

Don't mind me.

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