gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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You wake up and your arms have been replaced by tentacles. What do you do?

Pros	Cons
More difficult to drop things with suckers	Scissors
More powerful swimmer?	Putting on shirts takes longer
Cool new dance moves	Shirts might look weird
Invited onto The Tonight Show, might get asked for a lot of autographs	Holding pens becomes difficult, probably can't write signature well
Win at group hugs	Signature easily forged because it looks infantile

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Immediately worry about how delicious they would taste when fried.

Good news: Cumin's the only thing that makes you seriously consider autocannibalism

Bad news: Then your latest Blue Apron order arrives...

Sigh. I guess I didn't need those arms, anyway.

Good news: Your belly's full and now you'll save a lot of money on bracelets and watches.

Bad news: You promised you'd help Ravi move this afternoon.

Oh, well, then, I'll like definitely use all that money I've earned hocking my now useless watches and bracelets to hire a butler for a day to help Ravi move.

I'm glad it wasn't you I strangled with a tentacle.

Sorry, Asher.

I would, like, totally understand if you did, though.

Try to figure out which roommate thought this would be a funny prank. Strangle them with a tentacle.

Good news: You've killed Asher. Congratulations.

Bad news: He was the primary squonk caretaker in your pair for the Magizoology final.

Joke's on you: I'm not in Magizoology.

Good news: Hightower made you enrol when you woke up with tentacle arms because you're now technically categorized as a "magical creature," and the staff thought you might be able to learn a little about yourself. They were right, and you find life as your newly-betentacled self way more fulfilling.

Bad news: You insist "WATCH ME DO [THIS THING]!" one too many times. Your friends get bored, then annoyed. They alienate you. You're all alone now, with nobody to watch your tentacle tricks.

Edited 2017-06-16 15:14 (UTC)

Kazim. My friends are almost exclusively Ribbonfins. That's not a convincing scenario.

Roll again.

Oh. Something like this happened to me last week, only it was robot arms. They just went away. It was fine.

You're very resilient. I would've been in mourning for way longer if I'd lost robot arms.

Every time I see skin on my fingers, I'm a little sad. But it's documented, so at least I'll always remember.

Good. Those are precious memories. If you want a memorial service for your robot arms, we haven't hit our funeral quota for this week, yet.

I'd feel bad taking two funerals already. I should save one for when I'm really dead.
But I'm going to find a nice frame for the picture.

Thoughtful. We'll save one for your actual death, then.
Are you thinking something simple and modern, or maybe something more baroque? It's robot arms, so I think it could go either way.

It could. Something simple and metallic? The essence of a robot arm.

Yeah, sleek and shiny but not too distracting. Something that says, "You know that I could have killed you with these while I had them, but chose not too."

[...] oh!! i'm sorry you miss your robot arms. i'm glad i got to see them, though.

Better to have known and lost robot arms than never have robot arms at all. Thank you for drawing them.

probably. i can't say for sure. but you're welcome. it was fun!!

Edited 2017-06-15 04:57 (UTC)

Good news: As your arms return to normal, you stop seeing the world in a series of 1s and 0s. You can walk in the rain without duct taping garbage bags to your arms. You can go through security at the airport without a worry.

Bad news: You'd just made a bulk order of robot-sized bracelets for all the various causes you support (LIVESTRONG, BROS BEFORE HOS, WWJD) and now they won't fit.

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