gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

Who: Casper Kim & Antonia Papadakis
When: April 5th, evening
Where: Ebonhide campgrounds
What: Nia checks in on Casper now that he's back on Campus
Warnings: Brief discussion of Casper's deceased mother. Language, I think, too? There's probably language.

Nia doesn’t know what to expect. That’s what she’s been telling herself, at least, and as per usual she’s doing a passable job of believing it. The other option - the thought she’d first jumped to when she’d heard Casper had left campus - sits in the back of her head conspicuously. An old, unwanted acquaintance staring from across a room.

Thankfully, there’s plenty to distract her. A group of freshmen cease their discussion of how totally blitzed they are about to get when they pass. Nia glares at them. Everyone else is leaving for the Alcoholic’s Anonymous rendition of Romeo and Juliet, and Nia is crossing the campground from the girls’ side to the boys’, wondering what she’s even doing. She smooths down her shirt and makes her way up to the front door of the junior boys’ cabin.

This isn’t like her, she thinks. Or, more properly, feeling like she wants to check on Casper does not align with her image. She sighs, a short burst of air out her nose - more of a snort, really. Her image doesn’t matter in this case, does it?

Nia knocks on the door to the boys cabin.

While most of his cabinmates had left to attend Romeo and Juliet, Casper had stayed behind with the intention of catching up on his studies. Focusing on the textbook open in front of him, though, has proven uncommonly difficult. Maybe he's just not in the correct mindset to study yet. Maybe it's because the book is for Defense Against the Dark Arts and he can't read more than a paragraph without his throat beginning to feel tight or his eyes beginning to get hot and misty. It's stupid. It's so fucking stupid. This is what he's thinking while he presses his fingertips against his closed eyes, attempting to steady himself, but the thought scatters as he hears the knock at the door.

Willing himself to feel irritation at this inconvenience, he sets the book aside and climbs down from his bunk to answer the door. By the time he gets there, his expression is difficult to read and his eyes are dry and he's prepared to send whoever it is (probably a friend of one of his roommates) away. Then he registers that it's Nia. He blinks, not knowing what she might be doing here. Was he on rounds tonight? Fuck. He has no idea. That doesn't seem right, though. He just got back. Slowly, he tucks a bit of dark hair behind his ear and nods.

"...Hey."

Nia tilts her head down and peers up at Casper over her glasses, expression neutral. It’s a bit of a fight not to quip at him. “Welcome back.”

She hadn’t expected that she’d get a read off of him from a glance, but his expression is a bit stranger than she’d anticipated. Nia crosses her arms over her chest and shifts her weight to one leg. “Don’t worry. It’s not official business.”

This whole compassion thing doesn’t come easily to her. Do you just come right out and ask? No, probably not. “It’s chilly out, but do you want to get some fresh air? I can catch you up, if you want.”

Casper's eyebrows raise at that. The possibility that he might be that transparent or that predictable isn't pleasant, but he sighs instead of protesting the claim that he'd thought she might be here on official business (because he'd fucked up) and crosses his arms. He's about to ask her how much there could be to catch up on...but he does need to know. Even if it’s just been a week. Because he's a prefect.

He nods stiffly and steps out of the cabin without getting a jacket to put on over his short-sleeved shirt. He's certain he'll be fine. "Yeah. All right. Catch me up, Nia."

Nia looks him up and down, gesturing at Casper’s bare arms with a smirk. “You’re gonna freeze. You sure you don’t want a pullover or something?” Although she poses the question, she’s already turning away from him. She zips her own lavender hoodie up to her neck. Just the sight of him makes her chilly.

Without waiting a moment longer, she launches into an update, ticking points off on her fingers. “Well, first of all, if you haven’t noticed, we’re in the midst of Glittarmageddon – prom nominations went up and so did the ‘vote for me’ signs. So, some students are putting them in dangerous places - of course - you’re going to have to watch out for Wainwright climbing all over shit, again. And promposals are coming - that’s something to look forward to.” The way she says it, it doesn’t sound like she’s particularly excited. Nia glances over her shoulder, to see if he’s actually grabbing a jacket.

Apparently unconcerned with the evening chill, Casper shrugs dismissively and closes the door behind him before falling into step with Nia. He shoves his hands into his pockets and listens, though nothing she's saying yet seems particularly important. He doesn't really give a shit about prom. He probably won't even go. "I noticed," he says dryly, "But I'll keep an eye out for Wainwright. And Barringer."

Nia snickers at Casper’s delivery. She steers their trajectory along with the conversation, leading them down the paths around the Ebonhide cabins, past students headed for the night’s debauched event and easing herself into broaching the subject she came to discuss. “April First was, compared to previous years, pretty uneventful. People messing with food. Glitter bombs. You know. Baby stuff. Wilde’s got a Garden Club – you’ve probably heard about that already? The kittens, too, I’m guessing?”

Hands stuffed firmly in the pockets of her hoodie, Nia gives Casper a sidelong glance. “That’s about it. Pretty boring, honestly. Except the kittens.” She purses her lips and silently hopes that Casper will bring up his absence from campus on his own. Save her from chit-chat. Praying for a miracle, basically.

Still distracted and still far away in his own thoughts, Casper doesn't mind letting Nia call the shots for now. He walks with her along the path, ignoring most everything else but the other prefect's voice as she continues on. This is all old news. It hadn't escaped his notice that April 1st had passed and the campus hadn't burned down or that there's a new animal living in his cabin or that Wilde's been hard at work managing his new club. Everything that happened while he was away seems so painfully normal and he can't help feeling a pang of jealousy. A longing for a kind of normal that will never come again.

"Boring's not bad," he comments quietly, tone a bit stiffer than he'd intended for it to be. He pulls in a breath and lets it out, then adds, "Makes catching up easier."

“Yeah, good that you didn’t have much to miss.” Nia delivers these words coolly, punctuating them with a casual flip of her hair. Internally, her stomach stirs up at the thought of the blur that was her freshman year. Her expression tightens as she forcibly ejects those thoughts from her head.

“So,” she says, giving Casper an uncharacteristically uncomfortable frown. “You good?”

Casper can't respond immediately because there's no simple way to answer that question and because the expression on the girl's face suggests that she knows that. She's been in a situation not entirely unlike this one before, though, so maybe that's not surprising. He swallows hard around a lump that's risen in his throat, opens his mouth to speak, and then turns his dark eyes away from Nia instead. "...You don't think so. That's why we're out here. Right?" It's not even an accusation. Just an attempt to avoid answering the question that's uncharacteristically transparent. But it seems to be all the guarded boy can manage right now.

Nia puffs her cheeks and exhales a sharp breath. She doesn’t bother to hide her grimace, corners of her eyes wrinkling. “Yeah,” she drawls, awkward. “Yeah, I was--” It takes her a moment to find the words she wants to use. “You left real abruptly, and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.” Because Nia knows firsthand why people leave boarding school in the middle of the year.

This is met with more silence as Casper folds his arms and looks out into the dark. Even with the temperature and his absent jacket, though, the gesture makes him look more guarded and miserable and exhausted than cold. He doesn't care about the cold. "Everything's...fucked up," he admits in a small, tight voice that doesn't sound much like his own.

He wants to stop again but it's pointless to make the girl drag this out of him piece by jagged piece and he's not going to lie. Not about this. Especially not to Nia. Even if just trying to find the right words makes him feel hollow. Eventually, he thinks, that will stop. But he can't imagine how. "Mom's been in a bad place for a long time. She went back into the hospital in December. Last week..." At first, he's not certain he'll be able to say it and he can feel his mouth wanting to form all of those soft euphemisms that people use at times like this. She passed on. She let go. But this shouldn't be softened. He clenches his jaw and finishes a bit more firmly, "She died. So I needed to be there for a while."

Nia flinches, and then her expression goes blank. It’s uncharacteristic, belying the tight pain that hits her chest. She swallows, tilting her chin up, staring off over Casper’s shoulder, dwelling a bit too long on his words.

When she finally speaks, her tone is cool and even, but heartfelt. “Casper, I’m sorry,” Nia tentatively lifts her hand, hesitates, fingers flexing, and rests it on his forearm. “That’s—I’m here, if you need...anything. To talk or to not talk and, just, not be alone.”

Casper doesn't withdraw from Nia's hand when she touches his arm but his dark eyes turn away from her and he nods stiffly in acknowledgment. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what he needs. He pulls in a small, shuddering breath that he immediately regrets and forces his way through to respond quietly, "Yeah. I know."

Nia lets her head dip. Silence wants to stick in Nia’s head and throat, clouding around her thoughts and she almost allows it to settle over the two of them. But Nia has never gone in for quiet moments. Keep moving, keep talking, keep going – that’s always been her answer to this sort of silence. She’s not sure if it’s the right answer for everyone else, but it’s always worked for her.

Giving Casper’s arm a firm squeeze before letting her hand slip away, she says, “Let’s keep walking? Unless you want to head back to the cabin.”

For better or worse, Casper also follows the just keep going approach to coping. Since he returned to school, he's kept himself busy just to keep himself going and the worst moments always seem to come during lapses in momentum. Like tonight, when he'd attempted to study and only ended up losing his focus and thinking about his mother instead. He'd rather stay out here with Nia than go back to the silence and the stillness of his empty cabin. He feels a strange pang of regret when she draws back her hand but he doesn't show it; he tightens the fold of his arms and forces himself to look up again.

"Keep walking," he agrees stiffly, "...If you haven't got better shit to do."

Nia does her best to not look exasperated, but it comes through, anyway - a flash of narrow-eyed glowering; a split second of normalcy before the staid expression returns. “What could possibly be more important,” she begins, reaching for Casper again and this time tucking her hand up into the bend of his elbow, trying both to loop her arm through his and loosen his posture a bit. “Than a stroll with a friend?”

That moment of normalcy -- of Nia responding to his dismissive and pessimistic posturing with exasperation -- actually seems to do Casper some good. A vague smile touches his lips for a moment and he allows the girl to put her arm through his as he replies, "A lot of things, probably." Despite what he says there's more quiet gratitude in his tone than anything else.

She seems to give it a moment of earnest thought, and then ticks the pointer finger of her free hand at Casper. "I do have a piece of pie I smuggled out of the cafeteria waiting for me back at the cabin," Nia gives his arm a light tug, leading him down a path. "But this is a reasonable diversion, for now."

A flurry of chit-chat follows, Nia fighting back against the silence with whatever bit of nonsensical ribbing she can think of as their feet crunch against the trail. "You get any pie, Kim? Or do you not indulge in that, either?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

THERE'S ALWAYS LANGUAGE. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"WHO: Casper & Nia" basically translates to "WARNING: Language"

Oh I also forgot to add "Casper doesn't like pie" to the warnings list. This seems pretty significant to me.

Basically! If Casper ever completes a log without swearing I will be stunned. Time for a swear jar, kids.

Casper is judging Nia and everyone else who eats pie.