gooseberryhigh | Given to Jade on Tuesday morning.

Jade,

It was me you spoke to at the Masquerade. I'm sorry for deceiving you, that night and all this time since. I'm sorry also that I've made you wait for this answer, and that I couldn't tell you in person. I was too afraid.

I've been a coward. If you hadn't asked, I might never have told you. But you deserve better than a best friend who lies to you for her own selfish ends. Though it may be too late, I'd like to do my best to make apologies, and more than that, make amends. All of that requires honesty, and bravery, and other things I'm poor in. But I'll try.

You are beautiful. I've thought so since the day I met you. But I don't want you to feel as though this is the only reason I care for you. It's far from it, and how I feel about you today came well after how I felt about you as a friend.

When I came to this school, I was so unhappy. Nearly everything I said was a lie, because I was lying even to myself. About the things I was and wasn't. The things I cared about. How much I was worth. What I deserved.

You put an end to all that. By watching you be brave, I learned how to let myself like the things I like. I put away my worries of what other people might think of me if I say something true. I learned how to let myself just be.

And though I fear how you might feel, I'm sure enough of myself now that I can say a few true things.

I think of you when my mind wanders.

I've held my own hand at night pretending it was yours.

I've wanted to kiss you a hundred times.

But I don't need any of that from you. If you'll have me as a friend, that would be enough. These past few weeks I've been a horrid friend, I know, but I can do better, and I will. I'll understand if the truth hurts you, and I'll understand if there's nothing I can do to fix the damage I've done.

But if there is anything — anything at all — that I can do, I'll do it. If you need time, or space, or more answers, just ask.