(no subject)

[uponawire]

Bad News: I definitely cannot knit.
Good News: Knitting needles are very aerodynamic. And decently accurate.
Bad News: You're not supposed to throw the knitting needles.

To be fair, I would like to point out that I did not throw the knitting needles in the Lodge.

Comments

[cygninae]

Knitting was sort of cool.

[uponawire]

I didn't dislike it. I just wasn't very good at it?

Unless you count the knots. I was very good at knots.

[cygninae]

Yeah you're good at plenty of other shit.

I wasn't super good at it either.

[uponawire]

I'm a niche brand.

I guess this is where we're supposed to practice and improve ourselves.

[godzillabutworse]

You should try it with like gauge 50 needles oh man you could like TOTES kill a VAMPIRE with those!!

[..........]

LIKE as long as they're wooden I guess metal wouldn't do anything but shit dude metal gauge 50s would be SO HEAVY that's like weight training right there??

[uponawire]

I have no idea what those are?

And I'd imagine that a large, metal spike to the chest would be at least an inconvenience to a vampire. I could ask?

[godzillabutworse]

SUPER big needles for SUPER big yarn or for if you just wanna feel like a Borrower or whatever while you're knitting.

IDK inconveniencing a vampire seems like a BAD idea right?? Like you should PROBS either KILL it or leave it alone???

[uponawire]

How big? I mean, it would definitely change how you would have to throw them.

Honestly, Sal spends most of his time lounging or talking like he lives in a fortune cookie. I haven't ever seen him inconvenienced.

[godzillabutworse]

UMMMM they're liiike REAL BIG that's not helpful chair leg sized?? Maybe a tiny bit thicker than THAT even!!

WHO'S Sal???

[uponawire]

Okay, that definitely changes how you'd have to throw them. I don't know if I'm good enough at it for that.

Salvatore. Lives back home with us. He's a vampire? Older than most dirt. That's why I said I could ask for you.

[godzillabutworse]

PRACTICE makes PERFECT dude!!

O M G?? Y E S. Also ask him other cool stuff too??? IDK like COOL vampire stuff. Like is not having a REFLECTION super LIBERATING or does it just stress you OUT????

[uponawire]

True. You get me a freakishly large knitting needle and I'll figure out how to throw it for you.

Would you like to write Sal a letter? I feel like he'd enjoy it. Especially if you use the phrase 'cool vampire stuff'?

[godzillabutworse]

AW yeah!! One big honkin bit o wood comin RIGHT up [...] ish. I gotta get it shipped and then owled??

A vampire pen pal would be SICK!! YES!! Gonna get myself some cool vampire knowledge. DO you think he'd like a CUTE knitted GARLIC DOLL?? Or is that like SUPER gauche???

[uponawire]

Spatz, don't put yourself out over a knitting needle. Anyway, Sy says I have to teach you how not to die before I teach you how to throw sharp objects.

I'm sure it'd be fine. We live in a circus. Social graces are not exactly our forte.

[godzillabutworse]

It's NBD!! I'm already pretty BAD at DYING anyways!!

Cool cool cool cool!! I'm gonna figure out what COOL vampire stuff I wanna ask him about. Thank you!!

[uponawire]

I'd hope so. Please continue to do so.

Of course. It's nothing. Take as much time as you need.

[browbeats]

Should we be worried about the next interhouse snowball fight now that you know about knitting needles?

[uponawire]

Now that wouldn't be playing fair at all.

Unless I was throwing icicles?

[browbeats]

I'm reporting you to the fox emblem for sportsmanlike conduct.

[uponawire]

What do you think they'll do with me?

[browbeats]

Rehabilitate you, hopefully. There's still hope for you, and there's still not enough room in the rest of the cabins.

[uponawire]

I'll make up for it this weekend. Jump start my reintroduction to the fox path.

[browbeats]

I just checked the stats and you need to break at least three bones to be safe. Think you can manage that?

[uponawire]

I can definitely try.

Worse case scenario, I sleep on the roof until they let me back in.

[browbeats]

You have my permission to break Sy's finger if it gets too cold up there.

[uponawire]

That's one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me.

[sylla]

I seemingly have heard that same reprimand back home from my father.