gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Really impressed with how well everyone is doing in the Patronus sessions. Remember, it's an incredibly complex spell, so don't be too down if you're having trouble.

If anyone's interested in practicing a bit more [...] feel free to ward me. Won't even get weird about what your happy memory is. Promise.

[Warded to Sophomores]

Hey. Sweet murder prank today. As if you all didn't have enough fun going on, already, tomorrow is the start of Mr. Calderon-Boot's Pre-Apparition licensure classes.

Not sixteen? Not in Charms? No problem. You can still attend.

Apparition's another big one. So, just wanted to see if anyone had any questions, beforehand.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I will not deny that cereal marshmallows are the krab with a K of marshmallows, but I cannot believe that you would eat alpha-bits without them.

[...] You'll have to tell me about them, sometime.

they're BETTER without them and i stand by it.

[Lucas]

yeah? is that part of the process?

God, who even are you?

[Bash]
Maybe. I don't see how it could possibly hurt. We could go somewhere private, you know, since they're probably personal.

a cereal prophet, clearly.

[Lucas]

you don't trust the security of our new and improved wards?

Alright, Moses, what're the other nine commandments?

[Bash]
As cool as it is to have a magical hand print scanner protecting my information, this seems like the sort of thing that's more ~~fun~~ ~~interesting~~ ~~ent~~ fun to go over in person.

first draft:

2. if you're eating rice krispies, you put sugar on top. it's just the rules.
3. quit it with that "part of a complete breakfast" shit. cereal IS a complete breakfast. no disrespect to pancakes or nothing. but your breakfast isn't incomplete if you only have three minutes and a bowl of kix.
4. frosted mini wheats are a snack. don't even bother getting out a spoon, just shove your hand in the box and go from there.
5. on the first go, you pour the cereal in the bowl. THEN the milk. cause, seriously. what the fuck.
6. following this, you continue to pour cereal on top in progressively smaller amounts until you run out of milk. because wasting is against the law.
7. on the topic of milk: two percent. it's two percent or nothing. whole milk is too friggin' much, nonfat tastes like water, and if it comes from a coconut it ain't milk.
8. soggy cereal is disgusting. if you disagree, then you're wrong.
9. only evil people draw ON the cereal box and ruin the experience for everyone else in the house. you solve that shit in your brain.
10. do not put oj on your cereal, what is WRONG with you.

[Lucas]

okay, it CLEARLY took a lot of doing, but you've convinced me.

~~I'm going to marry you.~~

[............]

I don't know if number 9's going to fit on a stone tablet, dude.

[Bash]
I'm very persuasive.

yeah, there's a few of them that maybe need a bit of streamlining.

[Lucas]

so i've definitely heard.

We can do edits. Stone tablets are so B.C.E., anyway.

[Bash]
I'll tell you all about it, after you share those weird happy memories with me.

[...] I love you a lot.

i'd be sure we were on the final draft before committing to having something formally chiseled.

[Lucas]

yeah, all right. you got yourself a deal.

love you too.

Very practical of you. At that point, it's just the typos you have to watch for.

[Bash]
[...] Wouldn't mind spending every evening like that. With you.

dude, they do NOT make white out for that situation.

[Lucas]

hey, you got that one in the bag. you're stuck with me.

What do you even use? There has to be [...] a putty for that or something. Gravestone putty.

[Bash]
Mutual sticking, man. Definitely mutual sticking.

that seems super disrespectful to the dead. like - you were too lazy to get them a new one. you just went and spackled that shit.

No way. It's definitely more environmentally sound. You're [...] making a small correction instead of [...] further depleting the world's granite supply by starting over. It's frugal.

do you want your children to be frugal about your final resting place?

I want my children to launch my remains into the sun. So they better start saving now.

you just gonna tell them that as a bedtime story? 'one day, daddy wants you to launch him into the sun. and that's why you have to be very fiscally responsible.'

That's an idea. Little Shiri's going to learn the importance of not buying lottery tickets or cool dumb stuff from the as seen on TV wall at Target. Dad gets turned into stardust after a life well lived. Everybody wins.

MY dad used to tell us that we would end up living in a sagging cardboard box and that we'd probably get scurvy. so this is probably an improvement.

~~That can be your j~~ Have you heeded his advice? Are you eating enough citrus?

i mostly hoard my money like a dragon and i definitely ate at least one clementine today. so, yes.