gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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so it's shark week.

in my house, that means it's time to melt into the couch while my dad yells at various australians on our tv as they stab great whites with tiny tracking-device harpoons and almost get themselves eaten by things.

which is great! but tonight's 'sharks and the city: nyc' special wasn't at all about anthropomorphic sharks living undetected in our neighborhoods, going to PTA meetings by day and chewing on small children and house pets under the cover of darkness. it wasn't even about sarah jessica parker secretly being a mako. and i'm really fucking disappointed. i'm just saying. a lot of potential was wasted here.

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no way. there's no way in high hell that the curls ever do anything that isn't improving situations exponentially.

yeah, but as what? is it possible that we've diversified TOO much?

~~That~~ ~~You~~ [...] Noted.

At least we can always fall back on organized crime? But I don't know how any potential employer wouldn't want someone who has their own production company and has fought ghosts.

good note.

we'd maybe need to not eat all of the product for that. cause, man, i was really thinking about how much i enjoy samoas. and it's a lot. like - do i really want to share those either? hm. point. though we'd maybe run into some trouble with no-maj employers and their ghost-validity beliefs.

I think we're still okay but we can't eat the tagalongs or the do-si-dos. Not much of a black market sale if all you're offering are trefoils.

Hmm. Unless we specifically go into producing ghost hunter television shows. That might at least give us some eccentric appeal.

yeah, but how GOOD are tagalongs if you leave me in the freezer for a bit? holy shit, i'm a walking liability. you're gonna have to take me out. find yourself a partner that's gluten free or something.

it is my favorite kind of appeal. and nobody really gets tired of watching people tripping over themselves in the dark while yelling nonsense at empty hospitals.

No can do. You're just going to have to exercise some self-control. Or we can tape your mouth shut.

I'm pretty sure it's the only kind I have, already. So I'm on the right path. The twist is that, in our show, maybe something actually hollers back.

fine, fine. we'll cuff me to the radiator and let me work from there.

works out real nice then, i think. and it's true - we won't have to blow half the budget on sfx if we've got real ghosts to throw things at people.

Just wear long sleeves so you don't get burned.

We've lucked into a mutually beneficial situation. But, do you think ghosts have an acting union?

no pain, no gain. or something?

we're really acing this thing, just saying. and, probably not, but we could start one. hire willing ghosts out to work on movie sets or at "haunted" houses.

I don't think that counts when you're chained to something, man.

Yeah, I have to agree.

Sounds good to me. We're doing some good, so long as the reps don't start trying to negotiate for possession rights as part of the compensatory package. That might get a little hairy.

i dunno. ever been chained to something?

~~it's really~~ i'm a pretty big fan.

arguing possession with ghosts seems like a potential invitation for trouble. or y'know, actual possession. we'd have a lawsuit or two on our hands.

Cannot say that I have, no.

Me, too. Let you in on a secret: it might be the best thing that's happened to me in a while.

We're going to have to proceed carefully. One of us may need to get a law degree, just to cover all of our bases.

can i count being tied to a chair with one of those ribbon dancer things?

yeah, it's - that's a good secret. the BEST secret. me too, with you. and thanks. for wanting to.

rock, paper, scissors? on who goes to law school, i mean.

Let's say yes. Close enough. So, did you grow as a person afterward or was it just mostly traumatizing?

~~I really~~ ~~You~~ Anytime.

I've never made a big future commitment based on a game of chance before, but, hey, why not?

it's been a long time since i've grown as an anything, but i feel like i'd be able to handle modern dance without any REAL emotional breakdown occurring. so - tentative yes? to mild personal expansion?

be careful. gambling is an addiction. there are hotlines for that.

Hmm. I'd still say stick with the long sleeves while handcuffed to a radiator.

Don't worry. I'm not much of a risk taker.

or we can get my sisters to ribbon-dance me to the radiator. way less heat conducive than metal handcuffs. and i'm sure they'd be more than happy to assist.

i dunno about that. you got some serious rebellion just simmering under the surface there.

That's kind of them, enabling our crime spree like that. And in such an artistic way.

You say rebellion, I say ~~desperation to impress~~ momentary lapses of judgment.

i'm pretty sure '~~guppy~~ bash: held captive (day 27)' will quickly replace pretty pretty princess as the new favored option for family game night.

a lapse of judgement is just a rebellion that you trip into accidentally.

Just be careful they don't decide to try out torture techniques on you. If they bust out a bucket of water, be concerned. And if you ever need a break from the torment, you're welcome down here, by the way. The bones don't tease you about anything but your own mortality. And they do that silently.

So what you're saying is there's no going back on this dark path I've wandered down? I guess I have no regrets.

their torture techniques usually involve eyelash curlers. which look WAY more like eyeball scoop-outers, let me tell you. but you let me make it until they free me from toddler-surveying and i'm MORE than happy to let jarvis judge my foolish and fleshy meat-prison and find it lacking.

you can totally turn around, but i feel like the road behind you is probably obscured by fallen trees or thick brambles or something. sorry, dude.

You're telling me - I thought my mom's eyelash curlers were some sort of weird taxidermy tool for years.

I can't imagine you ever wanting toddler wrangling to end, but Jarvis is here, formulating his opinions. I'm sure he'll have much nicer things to say about the skeleton hidden inside you.

I've had enough fun with those. So, here I am - full delinquent. At least you're stuck here with me.

you win. that's way more horrifying - knowing that the eyball scoopers are waiting for you. your fate is eyeball removal and then being stuffed.

one toddler? sure. ten toddlers? dude, those little shits can head the hell home. and there's a lot of fleshy bits involved. and it's like nobody could really decide what color it wanted to be? so they just flicked a lot of paint on it, covered it in dots, and called it a day. shoddy craftsmanship. the bones might be okay, though.

welcome. it's terrible here, but we got two packs thin mints and a lean to.

You know, I figured that's how I'd end up.

I consider myself a fan of the dots. So don't listen to Jarvis. He just doesn't know art. Skeletons, yes. Art, no.

Can we survive on that? Probably.

i'd come visit your display.

my gram says she's like to take a sharpie to me. trace some constellations on my face or something. then i'd be ready to be stuffed in the moma.

at least for a little while. maybe. if outdoor education taught me anything.