(no subject)

[professionalcorpse]

so it's shark week.

in my house, that means it's time to melt into the couch while my dad yells at various australians on our tv as they stab great whites with tiny tracking-device harpoons and almost get themselves eaten by things.

which is great! but tonight's 'sharks and the city: nyc' special wasn't at all about anthropomorphic sharks living undetected in our neighborhoods, going to PTA meetings by day and chewing on small children and house pets under the cover of darkness. it wasn't even about sarah jessica parker secretly being a mako. and i'm really fucking disappointed. i'm just saying. a lot of potential was wasted here.

Comments

[sunsoutgunsout]

what kinda shark would samantha be bc i'm totes a samantha

[professionalcorpse]

i don't know, man?

maybe a blue shark? this program really isn't helping me give reliable answers.

[sunsoutgunsout]

blue shark sounds like bs

[professionalcorpse]

i mean, i'd go for a great white - but i didn't want to be TOO on the nose? and bull sharks have frankly terrifying eyeballs.

[bubblewrapped]

So, was it just one person saying, "Yes, there are sharks in the waters off Manhattan." But slowed down to the point where it took them an actual hour to finish the sentence?

If so, that's [...] actually kind of cool in a weird way.

[professionalcorpse]

nah, they got to explain it to you for at least an hour - and ask 'but, WHY' a good 47 times.

just in case you weren't sure what they were trying to figure out.

[bubblewrapped]

Did ancient alien theorists chime in at all with their opinions? Because I love those.

[professionalcorpse]

not yet. but there's still a shred of hope. maybe they'll slip in a just under the wire theory to REALLY mess with people and leave them guessing.

because the sharks. they're back. but - WHY.

[bubblewrapped]

I'm hoping it has something to do with a shark-attracting magnetic field that's extraterrestrial in origin. But the aliens waited until now to activate it - why?

[odder]

[...]
There's an entire week of sharks?

[professionalcorpse]

yup!

solid week of shark-related programming. every summer. i mean, a lot of it's nonsense. so you're mostly waiting around for the shark attack programs, even if some of them have TERRIBLE reenactments.

[odder]

And you're sure they're reenactments and not people actually being attacked?

[professionalcorpse]

man, i WISH. occasionally, they throw in some news footage - but that's mostly some beach rescue stuff. discovery channel likes to keep it family friendly.

[odder]

That's too bad. Families should learn the true impact of shark attacks.

[sunsoutgunsout]

they chomp so much fuckin stuff it's SICK

[odder]

What kinds of things?

[sunsoutgunsout]

whatever you got
best is when it's other sharks

shark v shark fuckin RIGHT

[odder]

Filmed shark fights.

I've been deprived. I need a television.

[professionalcorpse]

shoes, license plates, full suit of armor.

[sunsoutgunsout]

fuck bro if youve got a yt link for the armour write that shit out

[odder]

Such majestic creatures.

[hisshiss]

i aint slept i got internet & tv for 6 more days im watching all of it

[professionalcorpse]

i feel like you start hallucinating after a while of that, dude.

[hisshiss]

you dont gotta tell me i know howta fuckin party

[professionalcorpse]

just checking. this is good information that i will keep in mind while watching people poke sharks.