gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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so it's shark week.

in my house, that means it's time to melt into the couch while my dad yells at various australians on our tv as they stab great whites with tiny tracking-device harpoons and almost get themselves eaten by things.

which is great! but tonight's 'sharks and the city: nyc' special wasn't at all about anthropomorphic sharks living undetected in our neighborhoods, going to PTA meetings by day and chewing on small children and house pets under the cover of darkness. it wasn't even about sarah jessica parker secretly being a mako. and i'm really fucking disappointed. i'm just saying. a lot of potential was wasted here.

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Did ancient alien theorists chime in at all with their opinions? Because I love those.

not yet. but there's still a shred of hope. maybe they'll slip in a just under the wire theory to REALLY mess with people and leave them guessing.

because the sharks. they're back. but - WHY.

I'm hoping it has something to do with a shark-attracting magnetic field that's extraterrestrial in origin. But the aliens waited until now to activate it - why?

dude, they had something about magnets last year. though i'm pretty sure it was using magnets to create some sort of easily portable 'cage' to repel sharks.

the aliens are sending some mixed-messages.

Who knew sharks were magnetic? Apparently the aliens did.

Maybe the sharks deserved it. Maybe sharks and aliens have a long running feud that they will settle in the Manhattan bay area. Maybe SyFy will produce a movie starring Lou Diamond Phillips about said feud.

come to think of it, aliens and australians DO share a suspicious number of letters.

i'd like you to know that i'm trying REALLY hard not to make a genuinely terrible 'west side story' joke right now. or, well, i'd probably prefer that you didn't know? but there's no taking it back now.

Australiens, confirmed. How else do you explain people willing to live in a place where everything is poisonous and will kill you? They're not actually people.

I don't even need Sarah to tell me your embarrassing secrets. Excellent. [...] How do you think Maria sounds in Klingon?

holy shit, dude. it all makes so much sense now.

there's no sense in keeping them. she'd just tattle on me later anyway. i have no control here. [...] awful. totally fucking awful. but somehow still touching?

Down Under our noses the whole time.

Which is especially amazing, since in this instance, Maria is a shark.

that - thank you. i feel WAY less shame about all of the blackmail my niece has been feeding you about me now.

so tony's an alien and maria's a shark and they're in love?

Yeah [...] Yeah. I pushed my luck with that one.

Exactly. It's a little on the nose, but I doubt sharks are very creative when naming their gangs.

Edited 2017-07-26 03:48 (UTC)

you say that like i ain't pushing my luck every damn time i open my mouth.

i'd watch the ever-living shit out of that movie.

Naw, of course you aren't.

I'd help kickstart it.

course i am. you've listened to me.

i definitely got some work money i can throw in.

I've liked everything I've heard so far.

Just a few thousand more and we'll be taking this to Sundance.

oh ~~you can't just SAY tha~~ thanks.

step one: break into the factory that makes girl scout cookies.

[...] Welcome.

Step two: Exercise incredible self-restraint and don't eat all the thin mints after stealing them.

i mean, there's still a whole hoard of shit you ain't heard yet. but it's nice that you're optimistic.

step two: proooobably failed? (but hey, as long as we don't eat everything else, i feel like we can still net a decent profit margin.)

I'll keep listening and let you know, then.

Oh good. I wasn't sure I'd be able to commit to that, anyway. So, will we be standing outside a grocery store slinging cookies or are we going with a risky but organized black market scheme?

i expect periodic reports.

do we want to start small and establish ourselves as trustworthy first? or we just going to full throttle this illegal dealing thing?

They'll even be annotated with specific examples and my commentary.

Discretion is the better part of valor [...] or I guess valor isn't the right word here. Maybe grit? Anyway, starting small is the better option. West Side Story: Sharks VS Aliens doesn't need to be rushed.

i feel like i've made a mistake here. i don't know if i'm going to hold up under that level of scrutiny.

discretion is the better part of double-dealing? and it's true. we're gonna need time to perfect our casting choices anyway.

You'll be fine. Your auditor is a little biased in your favor.

Double-dealing. Definitely. Maybe that's why the sharks came back to the city. They were anticipating casting calls. Which implies that they also have supernatural foresight, I guess. Truly, they are strange and majestic creatures.

does the auditor take bribes?

it seems totally possible. the special before it was 'sharks and the city: la' - so they were covering both coasts. getting ready to chow on the competition.

He might. Gotta be good, though. What did you have in mind?

Just a bunch of elasmobranchii with stars in their eyes. Dream big, fish.