gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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Dear Killer of Lake Gooseberry:

I definitely have a man-eating guard plant on my cabin, you would do well to do your menacing elsewhere. For your own safety. Don't even think about it. Because this plant absolutely eats people.

XOXO
Rosy

[Warded to Sy]

~~I asked Mr. Hightower about our weird twin flowers an~~
~~Sy are you~~ ~~are we~~ ~~ugh never mind~~ ~~I'M NOT SAD OR LONELY WHAT DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE JUST A STUPID PLANT~~

I’m coming over later to look at your plant again. For science. You better not have let anyone rip it out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If this psycho even gets close enough to my ~~flower~~ plant to get eaten, I'm fucking him up first.

[Ro]
What kind of fuckin science? If it's the science of BY THE WAY, MY FLOWER TOTALLY GREW LIKE TWO INCHES TALLER and there's a BUNCH more little flowers, then yeah OK come look.

What if you're at practice or another plague party? The plant has to learn to fend for itself. Think of its future.

[Sy]
I want to see if yours sings.

But also that other stuff. Did yours grow? Mine totally grew. I'm bringing another tape measure.

Shit. I'm always out at practice. OK FINE if the serial killer knows what's good for him, he better just stay away or he's getting eaten. Or she, I guess? I dunno.

[Ro]
It's a fuckin flower, Ro. Why would it sing?

I've got a tape measure right here, but OK if you think I've rigged the goddamn tape measure again, then bring your own. How many little flowers do you have on yours? I gotta do another head count but I bet I've got more.

We'll find out if it's a he or a she when they're clenched in the orange jaws of justice.

[Sy]
Because maybe the flower is trying to follow its dream to be on Broadway and you're not helping. Or maybe Mr. Hightower told me that they were originally designed to sing but they're all still mute.

I just need to independently verify the information. Like a researcher.

I counted last night but I'm counting again before I come over. Definitely a bunch. Definitely more than a week ago.

You going to take up herbology?

No, it's way too much of a goddamn pain. Remembering which fertilizer to use and how to touch the stupid leaves so some stupid plant doesn't fuckin squirt sap at you? Dropped it last year, never looked back.

Plus if you ever need to know plant stuff you can just go over to Ribbonfin and yell at someone to tell you everything.

I should have kept it instead of History. Essays are way worse than learning what some plant likes.

But you have to take care of it if you want it to live.

Shit, it's true. I keep putting off this essay for Transfig. WHY SO MANY FUCKIN ESSAYS. Doesn't Rhee know we've got a game coming up???

NO WAY my plant is a total badass, there's nothing that could kill it. Look at that thing.

[...]

Shit, maybe I should ask Hightower.

Dude, finish your essay.

Yeah Sy's flower is going to take over the cabin soon or something. He keeps measuring it.

[...]

How much did it grow?

Like... not at all, actually. He keeps saying it's bigger but I don't see it.

REID YOU SHITHEAD

For the record, he's fuckin wrong. No one in this goddamn year knows how to measure anything properly.

You're as shit at math as I am. It's a big flower, why does it matter how big?

Fuck you, you're totally more shit at math than I am. ~~Except for Transfig, I'm getting my ass kicked~~ And also fuck you, it totally fuckin matters. Last week we measured that our flowers are the same size, but it's BEEN A WHOLE WEEK NOW and I def know it's changed.

Including you.

Shit, I'm getting called the fuck out. Get over here already and you can show me how to do your bullshit measuring hoodoo.

Think I can trust you with such high level secrets?

(Spoiler: It's mostly just good eyesight, what's wrong with your eyes?)

I'm appointing myself Head of Flower Measuring. I'll find the truth, don't worry.

Cool. Keep me posted. I'm getting kind of invested in this flower thing. Sy's really into it. ~~I think he really loves that thing.~~

Mr. Hightower said it'll probably die in the winter, so hopefully you're not getting too invested.

Oh.

I'll be ok. Sy's going to be upset though.

Aw no what

Whatever. It's just a fuckin plant.

~~I bet mine lives longer~~

We could probably find a way to move them inside. Then no one could come near our beds, either.

Would the plant be safe to take a sample from?

I'll let it know not to eat you. But don't take one of the smaller flowers until I've verified that I have the most.

Of course. Thank you. x
I'm super curious.

Did Hightower mention the breed, or [...]?

He said it was someone's senior project a couple years ago--a Sirensong Trumpeter, apparently?

I hope it knows who to eat! Or not eat.

I'll show it a picture and instruct it to only go after someone with a hockey mask and/or knife and/or just kind of feels like the right person. I personally guarantee no innocents will be eaten by my flower!