gooseberryhigh | (no subject)

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[Warded to Coppertale Junior Boys]

I have a hot girl who needs to go to Cotillion, and I promised I'd find her a good date. I judged your cabin as having the highest number of socially passable single guys, and I need a volunteer.

GROUND RULES:
You have to pass as not embarrassing. It's one evening. You can manage it.

You have to pass as totally heterosexual. One evening, boys!

You can't fall in love with her. This isn't a date-date, this is a "I need to impress my parents" date.

In return:
Your tuxedo will be provided for you.

You get to go to New York for a day.

You get to eat fancy hors d'oeuvres.

You'll be my new favourite junior Coppertale boy.

[Later, warded to Madison]

Ira Ashworth said yes.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I wanna go but I'm like.... kiiiiiiinda better suited for upsetting parents than impressing them???

Also: can't guarantee I won't fuck up and hit on a guy at some point if they let me have champagne.

Dye your hair back to black and pretend to be humble.

All the guys there are going to be snooty and not even that cute. Think Ulysses Quayle type faces.

So. It’d be cool to be your NEW FAVORITE and all but Cotillion sounds boring as hell?

[...] Who needs a date?

I listed the plus sides. Take it or leave it.

I don't trust you all with that information yet. For her sake. I promised she wouldn't be embarrassed.

Blech. That's such a stretch.

You sure there aren't going to be a few Stokers mixed in? I got standards if I'm going to let a rich douche get handsy with me while mom and dad aren't looking.

Impossible criteria. Ask another cabin.

You can be arrogant if that suits you better. Pretend like you own a gold mine and you breed exotic dragons for fun.

Be careful "handsy" doesn't turn into him mistaking you for his douchebag himself and punching you when the self-loathing overwhelms. And I mean it, I need you to act like you're straight.

Come on. Even you're taller than this girl. You could look butch and impress old rich people with your knowledge of Proust.

Yeah yeah ok you know I'm just giving you a hard time right? I can be the good boy when I gotta. I had everyone thinking I was straight for years and my grandparents don't suspect a fucking thing. I can pull it off and mind myself. Dazzle them with stories about how I'm gonna be an Olympic athlete.

You know. I think I could do most to all of those things.
Maybe even at the same time.

Ah. À la recherche du dates perdu.

She's better off elsewhere. I look bad in formal attire. [...] ~~Also, only girls look "bu~~

Edited (his familiarity with proust > his familiarity with the french language) 2017-11-03 16:28 (UTC)

You were definitely on the more heterosexual end of the spectrum when it came to boys in sequins.

[Spencer]
It's Madison. I don't want her to go with someone awful.

DUDE. I’m not trying to embarrass her. But it’s hard to want to do someone a solid when you don’t know who it is.

Guess I’ll leave it, then.

I talk tough and I'm ~~too~~ tall.

[Ruby]
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok. Yeah. You know they're all good guys who'll do their best. Ira and Cash are the most subtle. Todd and Heathcliff are the nicest.