(no subject)

[patineuse]

[Warded to Coppertale Junior Boys]

I have a hot girl who needs to go to Cotillion, and I promised I'd find her a good date. I judged your cabin as having the highest number of socially passable single guys, and I need a volunteer.

GROUND RULES:

1. You have to pass as not embarrassing. It's one evening. You can manage it.


2. You have to pass as totally heterosexual. One evening, boys!


3. You can't fall in love with her. This isn't a date-date, this is a "I need to impress my parents" date.

In return:

1. Your tuxedo will be provided for you.


2. You get to go to New York for a day.


3. You get to eat fancy hors d'oeuvres.


4. You'll be my new favourite junior Coppertale boy.

[Later, warded to Madison]

Ira Ashworth said yes.

Comments

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[bitterlysweet]

I wanna go but I'm like.... kiiiiiiinda better suited for upsetting parents than impressing them???

Also: can't guarantee I won't fuck up and hit on a guy at some point if they let me have champagne.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

Dye your hair back to black and pretend to be humble.

All the guys there are going to be snooty and not even that cute. Think Ulysses Quayle type faces.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[bitterlysweet]

Blech. That's such a stretch.

You sure there aren't going to be a few Stokers mixed in? I got standards if I'm going to let a rich douche get handsy with me while mom and dad aren't looking.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

You can be arrogant if that suits you better. Pretend like you own a gold mine and you breed exotic dragons for fun.

Be careful "handsy" doesn't turn into him mistaking you for his douchebag himself and punching you when the self-loathing overwhelms. And I mean it, I need you to act like you're straight.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[bitterlysweet]

Yeah yeah ok you know I'm just giving you a hard time right? I can be the good boy when I gotta. I had everyone thinking I was straight for years and my grandparents don't suspect a fucking thing. I can pull it off and mind myself. Dazzle them with stories about how I'm gonna be an Olympic athlete.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[heathclifflacey]

So. It’d be cool to be your NEW FAVORITE and all but Cotillion sounds boring as hell?

[...] Who needs a date?

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

I listed the plus sides. Take it or leave it.

I don't trust you all with that information yet. For her sake. I promised she wouldn't be embarrassed.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[heathclifflacey]

DUDE. I’m not trying to embarrass her. But it’s hard to want to do someone a solid when you don’t know who it is.

Guess I’ll leave it, then.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

You get offended too easily. I wasn't insulting you, just stating facts.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[heathclifflacey]

[...] I’m not offended?

Ruby & the J-j-jr Coppertales

[longcons]

Impossible criteria. Ask another cabin.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

Come on. Even you're taller than this girl. You could look butch and impress old rich people with your knowledge of Proust.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[longcons]

Ah. À la recherche du dates perdu.

She's better off elsewhere. I look bad in formal attire. [...] Also, only girls look "bu

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

You were low on my list anyway. Have any recommendations? You know these boys better than anyone.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[longcons]

Thank you. I'm not insulted. [...] Amongst these four?

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[ashworthless]

You know. I think I could do most to all of those things.
Maybe even at the same time.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

And I don't think anyone else can top "future world-famous Healer" for potential fake fiancé material.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[ashworthless]

I’ve made it a point to look acceptable on paper.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[patineuse]

Cash thinks so too.

[Ira]
It's my roommate, Madison Ives. I know you don't know her well, but she's fun to talk to and just wants to get through this without being lambasted on the society pages.

Ruby & the Jr Coppertales

[ashworthless]

Then I’ve truly made it. Cool.

[Ruby]
Yeah, she seems nice. I’d go with her.
And going as a fake date means I can keep a certain level of irony, that’s nice.
Think I should be the one to ask, make it traditional from the start?

Ruby/Madison

[cupquake]

Seriously??? Ahhhh omg thank you thank you ♥!! He is definitely not totally gross!

Ruby/Madison

[patineuse]

We'll even make sure he wears cologne. Hang on, let me ward you to him.

[Ruby/Madison/Ira]
Ira, meet Madison Ives, beautiful cheer captain who's out of your league. Madison, meet Ira Ashworth, witty future Healer and almost a Quidditch player. You two are going to look like a parody of all-American wholesomeness.

Ruby/Madison/Ira

[cupquake]

Hi Ira! Thanks for joining my heteronormative masquerade ♥

I owe you one.
(And you too, Ruby).

Ruby/Madison/Ira

[ashworthless]

Hi Madison. Happy to help. Thanks for giving me the opportunity, this’ll be fun.
I promise your parental reputation will be the same if not better at the end of the day
I won’t do anything stupid is what I mean.

Ruby/Madison/Ira

[cupquake]

It's honestly all I ask. Just look vaguely present and they'll totally buy it.